@raving4him How did you keep it together? It sounds like a nightmare!
I would have just stood up and left immediantely. No words, just stormed out. Because I wouldn't have been able to stay composed. I would've screamed and cried right in front of them, which I think would be worse... I feel horrible...
@clueless5 Honestly I have no idea. When everyone was crowding around her to hug her and congratulate her I just hung back by the food table and tried to compose myself before anyone noticed anything, I think I went into shock / was numb. I am a huge crier (cry when I’m mad/sad/happy , etc) and I don’t know how I didn’t just burst into tears. I choked them back and I remember thinking “don’t ruin this moment for her” and taking a lot of deep breaths. I still can’t really believe it.
@raving4him You are such a lovely friend and I'm sure your friends would like the chance to be there for you, the way you are for all of them. Hope you manage to talk to your husband about this. We all cope in different ways and for some of us, keeping things to ourselves is not the best method.
Sending so much love x
@raving4him Ugh I’m so sorry! Nice for your friend but torturous for you. I definitely think being honest w your friends and also seeing a counselor might be helpful.
But this is what I came here to say: it’s also ok NOT to attend a baby shower, especially for a 4th child. But even if it’s for a first child. Don’t torture yourself if you’re not feeling it. Make your apologies and don’t go. Enlist your husband to make an excuse. Whatever you need to do. Because at some point, you need to take care of you. And if that means don’t go to all these baby showers, that’s what it means.
@raving4him I'm sorry you're going through this, my wife and lost 2 over about 3 months, it was a hard year, we are about to remove the IUD and try again. You will be ok, but your husband needs to let you share, it really helped my wife being able to talk about it.
@raving4him I’ve been there. Twice. I didn’t want to tell my friends because I thought they would be judging me for trying to conceive too late (at 32) and not taking their advice to have kids sooner. I had my baby at 36 after couple of IVFs. I was able to tell them about miscarriages after having a baby and I didn’t get any relief from telling them. Sad feeling of miscarriages doesn’t leave me till this day. It sucks sucks sucks.
@raving4him Nobody knows what this feels like unless they have dealt with it themselves. You’re so strong for having gone and sat there for as long as you did! I tried to go to a friend’s christening and couldn’t even do that! I had a panic attack. I always feel like everyone is thinking “why isn’t she pregnant yet? Maybe she is! Is she wearing a loose dress? She gained weight - maybe!” So I give you a ton of credit for being a good friend and finding that strength. You are not alone and you have a lot of people giving you strength through it all. Hang in there. Xo
@raving4him I wiped tears away from my eyes cause I could how upset you were. I'm sorry about your loss. You were so strong for staying there the rest of the time cause I would of had to leave.
@raving4him Hi, I also had a miscarriage in Jan I was 10 weeks 1/2 and it was 2 days after our wedding. It’s been hard for me to go to any baby showers or to talk about kids. You are so brave and a great friend. All I can tell you... put good energy out there and keep trying.
@raving4him Your friends don’t know to be sensitive to you if they don’t know what you’ve been through. There’s no shame in your loss, sadness-yes, shame- no.
