First time post here. Just venting, not here for advice unless its tips on better ways not to lose my shit. Utilized every other resource to vent, my entire family and friends are sick of hearing my sht and nothing ever changing. Spent $7k last year on marriage counseling that did nothing. Filled out divorce papers twice and couldnt pull the trigger. Now I’m in a fake-it-til-i-make it phase. Telling anyone who asks that we are doing fine. But i cant do it. We have 2 little girls, one is 1.5. No regrets on #2 i love her to death so dont ask me what my family asked, like wth was i thinking having another kid with him. Wishful thinking, call me an optimist maybe. Currently on spring break vacation (of course he did nothing to help plan or pack). Common theme - I’m scrambling around to feed/clothe girls, pack snacks, make sure we have everything and he’s sitting there “watching” our youngest (by “watching” i mean giving her the phone so she can zombie out on cocomelon) and just sitting there with an annoyed look because I’m taking too long. At legoland and I forgot the baby carrier. Real cautious cuz I dont want to shatter his fragile ego, ask him if next time he can back me up, help me out by thinking of what we need. He gets all defensive and snaps “what, now youre blaming me for forgetting the carrier? I was busy watching (baby)!” Arghhhhhhhhh. Now at legoland and he goes on that slowass speedboat ride with older one, while im carrying baby asleep. After 30mins they r done and as usual he has a foul look on his face. Goes “fking stupidest ride ever” all pissed off. Daughter liked it. She wanted to go carousel so he asks me how to get there. As i look on my phone he starts walking opposite direction cuz he’s impatient as f*k. I call his name and he ignores me so i call louder and say its the other way. He yells back at me saying he’s just going to walk the other way. Stupid ego. Asks me where to go then wont listen. Then asks me how long the wait is for a ride and i snap at him saying last time he asked me he just ignored me and he snaps back at me, cussing. I just spent the last two days taking care of everyone bc he and older girl had food poisoning and were passed out while i coeaned up more vomit and diarrhea than i ever have in my life. Sleep deprived as hell. I dont need his income i make 7x his salary because he doesnt want to work hard and refuses to do any work that he doesnt love. I wfh and work my ass off plus do all the shopping cooking cleaning (except dishes and trash) dr appts, social stuff, all finances, home repairs, etc. Not EVERYTHING tho, that would make him explode, he bathes and watches the kids while im cooking. But cant bring myself to leave him because i dont want to put my girls thru split custody plus i know it’ll be even harder for me with a baby as a single mom. He is so unpleasant. Even his mom told me she’s ok with me leaving him bc he’s just like his dad who she wanted to divorce almost their entire marriage but never did. Ok thats all i know i should probably just leave him but I cant right now, so just venting. Sorry so long.
I hate my husband so much
- Thread starter ask21771
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@ask21771 I hope you know you could leave him.
With your income, you could potentially afford help: either in or out of the home, that wouldn’t come with the stress, anxiety and emotional eggshells that you’re currently navigating.
Know that shared custody won’t ruin your kids, he may not even want or fight for it. But watching you be miserable and disrespected may really hurt their development.
With your income, you could potentially afford help: either in or out of the home, that wouldn’t come with the stress, anxiety and emotional eggshells that you’re currently navigating.
Know that shared custody won’t ruin your kids, he may not even want or fight for it. But watching you be miserable and disrespected may really hurt their development.
@aleyah Yes i probably could afford help, I do have a great nanny but its more the evening routines where i dont have help. #2 is super clingy and only goes to me, dad, nanny. I think i would die if i had to navigate dinner and bedtime solo lol.
I know youre prob right, about shared custody not ruining the kids, and it’s way better than kids watching the dysfunction. I also have a crap memory for hard feelings so once he senses i’m seriously done he turns up the nice factor and i always fall for it. I dont mind so much that i have ti take care of almost everything but its just his damn grouchy ass that gets me. Like wtf he lives like a king yet he treats me like shit. Always eats in peace and leaves the table to vape while i still havent eaten a bite cuz im chasing down #2. Has rarely slept less than 9hrs uninterrupted sleep ever, even when i was recovering from 2 emergency c-sections (he snapped both times when i asked for help bc he is grouchy as hell when woken up. We even fought in the hospital the day after giving birth because i got mad at him for not helping more and he flew off the handle). Like, just be nice to me. I haaaaate him. As i’m writing this i’m like, wtf am i still doing with him. Part of it is just that it’s so fricken hard to go thru divorce and i’m just so TIRED.
I know youre prob right, about shared custody not ruining the kids, and it’s way better than kids watching the dysfunction. I also have a crap memory for hard feelings so once he senses i’m seriously done he turns up the nice factor and i always fall for it. I dont mind so much that i have ti take care of almost everything but its just his damn grouchy ass that gets me. Like wtf he lives like a king yet he treats me like shit. Always eats in peace and leaves the table to vape while i still havent eaten a bite cuz im chasing down #2. Has rarely slept less than 9hrs uninterrupted sleep ever, even when i was recovering from 2 emergency c-sections (he snapped both times when i asked for help bc he is grouchy as hell when woken up. We even fought in the hospital the day after giving birth because i got mad at him for not helping more and he flew off the handle). Like, just be nice to me. I haaaaate him. As i’m writing this i’m like, wtf am i still doing with him. Part of it is just that it’s so fricken hard to go thru divorce and i’m just so TIRED.
@ask21771 I have 11mo and 2yo. Before bed we do a bath (every other night) and it’s so chaotic cause they’re running around and I’m trying to lay PJs out and run the bath and get clothes for the next day. My husband is gone a lot for work and I was so scared it was going to kill me trying to manage it on my own.
After the 2nd or 3rd time, honestly it’s easier. I got into a routine of how to do it and it just flows. It’s still chaotic but it is with him there too. I have a system now and he basically is in the way when he’s around.
All that to say that I really thought I couldn’t do dinner, bath, and bed routine alone and here I am. I manage to finish earlier alone a lot now actually. So not only can you do it, you might find that you like it better.
After the 2nd or 3rd time, honestly it’s easier. I got into a routine of how to do it and it just flows. It’s still chaotic but it is with him there too. I have a system now and he basically is in the way when he’s around.
All that to say that I really thought I couldn’t do dinner, bath, and bed routine alone and here I am. I manage to finish earlier alone a lot now actually. So not only can you do it, you might find that you like it better.
katrina2017
New member
@ask21771 I just wanted to add that you could probably find help just for the bedtime routine, too. Not even a nanny, I bet a local college or high school student could be a “mothers helper” and entertain your oldest while you put the younger one to bed. I get that it’s just one more thing to think about when you’re already so mentally and emotionally overburdened, but maybe just something to keep in mind as an option. I used to babysit a lot and do this kind of thing in high school and college, it’s a sweet gig for a young person!
@ask21771 No, you can't plan at all. That is a long time to be in limbo. I was about 5 years with my ex. When I finally pulled the trigger I had already lined up many of my ducks. I had a contingency plan ready. It was hard for a little bit, but there was a lot of relief, too.
I have found it to be a lot easier and less frustrating when I don't need to run things by another adult. Especially one who adds more stress to my life. I occasionally wish I had a partner, but the person I share children with was never a partner the way I needed him to be.
What is a small step you can take to mentally inch your way towards the life you want and deserve?
I have found it to be a lot easier and less frustrating when I don't need to run things by another adult. Especially one who adds more stress to my life. I occasionally wish I had a partner, but the person I share children with was never a partner the way I needed him to be.
What is a small step you can take to mentally inch your way towards the life you want and deserve?
@olivia18 Omg i totally get that about having to run everything by another adult. Hes so high maintenance and disagreeable.
I want to at least be divorced on paper. My good friend divorced her husband but very few people know. They still live together and act as a family together. At least that way i wont make ten yrs where he automatically gets half my retirement. I may still have to pay alimony though. Shared property too so it’s all a mess. Also he has shit insurance so if we divorce he has to pay a ton for his own. He makes $30/hr so the more expenses he has the more i need to support him. I currently pay for everything and his income is supplementary. I dunno. Its complicated.
I want to at least be divorced on paper. My good friend divorced her husband but very few people know. They still live together and act as a family together. At least that way i wont make ten yrs where he automatically gets half my retirement. I may still have to pay alimony though. Shared property too so it’s all a mess. Also he has shit insurance so if we divorce he has to pay a ton for his own. He makes $30/hr so the more expenses he has the more i need to support him. I currently pay for everything and his income is supplementary. I dunno. Its complicated.
twointwomillion
New member
@twointwomillion Thank you. I’m changing my mind all the time lol. Divorce? No, no, work it out. No divorce!!! No we can make it work. Argh f him, divorce!
@katypeach Thanks for understanding. Hugs and love back to you too. I hate egos. It’s so dumb and shortsighted too. Many moms are by nature nurturing. If we felt taken care of by our hubs, not even financially, but just in a simple emotional way, we would return that tenfold. Id be happy to be his sugar mama if he gave me more sugar lol (wait does that even make sense? Am i supposed to be providing the sugar if im the sugar mama? Whatever). I wish i were lesbian sometimes. Women are way better. Lol. Sorry if im not supposed to be sexist on this sub. But sorry, we are superior.
@ask21771 
! I never wanted to truly be with a woman ever(bi here) due to thinking life’s easier being heterosexual overall & just never desiring a long term relationship w/ a woman, but also have never even dated women. Umm having a baby has never made thinking of never being with another man seem so smart and easy! Omg where can I find a decent and we’ll paid sugar mama like you! Fuckkk I’d take care of both your kids plus mine, clean the house & cook at least most the time plus the bleh few things he does!! And duh most of all repay the love tenfold as we women do! I mean wtf…if I had known what I know now.
! I never wanted to truly be with a woman ever(bi here) due to thinking life’s easier being heterosexual overall & just never desiring a long term relationship w/ a woman, but also have never even dated women. Umm having a baby has never made thinking of never being with another man seem so smart and easy! Omg where can I find a decent and we’ll paid sugar mama like you! Fuckkk I’d take care of both your kids plus mine, clean the house & cook at least most the time plus the bleh few things he does!! And duh most of all repay the love tenfold as we women do! I mean wtf…if I had known what I know now.