I had forgotten how different I am from other parents
- Thread starter marycris
- Start date
stevenmcg2005
New member
@jslade I also used the term velcro baby to describe how attached she is. My family call her the beautiful broach on my chest. I sometimes call her my real-life kettle bell. She likes to be held, she is very curious so she wants to be involved and be right there next to me. And I hold her gladly, even to my detriment (hello pelvic floor healing issues), because there will be a time soon that she won't want to be held. Until then I'm going to give her all the security, comfort and safety I can plus I get really toned arms.
@movingon Yes you can totally ask! It was his cues for sure— I just got the sense that he wanted his own sleep space. He would wake up mad that he either touched me with his hand or rolled into me in some way so I figured it was time for his own bed. I think he would have been ok in his own bed sooner, but my mama heart didn’t want to let him grow up.
He’s in his own Montessori floor bed now but in our room! He spends at least 3/4 of the night in there and sometimes I bring him in our bed to snuggle towards the morning
He’s in his own Montessori floor bed now but in our room! He spends at least 3/4 of the night in there and sometimes I bring him in our bed to snuggle towards the morning
@marycris I’m doing attachment parenting with my first and only child (5mo) and I’m having such a hard time standing up for why I believe in. Especially when it comes to my in-laws. He is the 5th and final grandchild for them and is being raised way differently then the other four grandchildren were. When I tell them that I’m not going to CIO they pretty much laugh in my face. When I say he sleeps in bed with me they don’t understand why and say I’m creating bad habits.
I guess I’m here to say yeah it’s tough. I’m tired of explaining why I’m not following the “norm”. So half the time I’m just kind of like “ yeah maybe we’ll do that” when I know it’s not gonna happen.
I guess I’m here to say yeah it’s tough. I’m tired of explaining why I’m not following the “norm”. So half the time I’m just kind of like “ yeah maybe we’ll do that” when I know it’s not gonna happen.
blazer70x7
New member
@anniejey My son is 19 months and I still get told that I should just leave him to it when he’s having a tantrum, force him to sleep in his own bed, etc etc I even got told once I was too responsive to his needs, like how in the hell can a mother be too responsive?? It used to really get me down as none of my friends parent like I do but I’m just like “you do you and I’ll do me” or “different horses for different courses” or some other saying that basically says every baby is different and I’ll just be parenting how I feel is right. My son is the youngest out of the group but the boys are all between 19 months and 28 months and my little boy is definitely the happiest and most confident one out of all of them, it’s shockingly obvious and frequently commented on, for example everyone but my son has had a meltdown they day they’re all like it hasn’t X coped well today but in a snotty jealous way and I’m like yeah cos I’ve not spent all day just shouting at him and I’ve actually helped him regulate his own emotions 
morehumble
New member
@blazer70x7 Preach! That's been me whenever I attempted to get my littles together with other parents. I want to help them, but they are so adamant about having done "all the right things according to the doctor & parenting books" I just face palm.
blazer70x7
New member
@morehumble Oh I’ve done all the “wrong” things according to my friends but when we all meet up and I’m looking at all the kids and I’m like have I done it wrong though? Cos from where I’m sitting it looks like I’m doing a bloody good job! And yes I’m smug and I do enjoy sitting there quietly in my smugness as my child shows them all through his behaviour and personality that actually we’re doing a really really good job
stevenmcg2005
New member
@blazer70x7 People comment on how chill and relaxed, curious, alert and overall calm my bubs is. Well I didn't let her cry at all during her 4th trimester. I was extra attentive so that as soon as she let out a whimper I was there, she learned that she didn't need to cry to get her needs met. She nursed on demand, slept when she was tired, comfort nursed, contact napped, etc. Now she rarely cries, she gives a shout or whines if she needs something. I've taken her to business meetings and she has been quiet and very chill. We will continue to do what we're doing because it works for us. No cio, no forced feeding, no forced pacifier, no forced schedules or sleep schedules. And honestly I prioritize her and time with her over having a tidy house, because when I look back to this time I'm not going to say "I wish I cleaned more." As long as she is clean, happy, fed, and stimulated that's all that matters.
blazer70x7
New member
@stevenmcg2005 It’s ridiculous in my opinion that people parent in any other way. My son is 19 months like I say snd him crying still feels like someone is ripping my heart out, I just can’t fathom how people can just ignore their child crying? Think the issue is people see babies/ toddlers as eating and pooing machines and don’t see them as actual humans with actual human thoughts and feelings. You wouldn’t just leave your other half to sob alone in bed, you’d go and comfort them so why aren’t people doing the same for their children? Honestly baffles my mind 
I’ll end my rant here cos I honestly could go on all day about it 
I’ll end my rant here cos I honestly could go on all day about it christianna
New member
@anniejey They only laugh and joke because they are uncomfortable and probably feel a bit ashamed they did it that way. I lead my in-laws to a
Few evidence based books and podcast which has finally sunk in
I did take a step back from them for a bit and when they commented I said I didn’t find their opinions helpful and they stopped and got the hint
Hang in there xxx
Few evidence based books and podcast which has finally sunk in
I did take a step back from them for a bit and when they commented I said I didn’t find their opinions helpful and they stopped and got the hint
Hang in there xxx
floridasummer
New member
@christianna I’d love to hear what books and podcasts you recommended for them!
christianna
New member
@floridasummer Books:
You simply can’t spoil a newborn - this is all about not letting them cry being there to secure attachment etc
Montessori baby - first 12 months of life how to promote bonding attachment and learning
The gentle parenting book - all about empathy compassion respect for the child using current science and child psychology
The book you wish your parents had read - a psychotherapist talks about how your upbringing shaped you and how to juggle children’s feelings without allowing their style to influence you (unless you agree with them which I didn’t)
Podcasts -
Welcome to parent land great for grandparents to understand new parents etc
You simply can’t spoil a newborn - this is all about not letting them cry being there to secure attachment etc
Montessori baby - first 12 months of life how to promote bonding attachment and learning
The gentle parenting book - all about empathy compassion respect for the child using current science and child psychology
The book you wish your parents had read - a psychotherapist talks about how your upbringing shaped you and how to juggle children’s feelings without allowing their style to influence you (unless you agree with them which I didn’t)
Podcasts -
Welcome to parent land great for grandparents to understand new parents etc
@anniejey Oh yeah !!! Going against anything that is not the norm is so tough. I lost so many friends and got so many side eyes when I was raising my kids AP. I was also young, but I had luckily found a AP mommies group and was adopted in with older mamas and they taught me the crunchy way lol I learned to just stay with my own. My family would do the same thing to me. Put the baby down; let the baby cry, this and that. Sometimes I would say somethings if they were open to hear but lots of times they just want to impress how much “older with experience” they have any aren’t interested in having a conversation. I would also say, oh that’s interesting, maybe. Or something like that. Or thanks for the advice, that doesn’t work for our family. Still it never stops the onslaught of others giving unsolicited unwanted non-compassionate advise. I’d say find an AP mommy group & find your people within there. Having support helps so much. Congratulations on your little baby 
@cday1210 Seriously !!! That’s why I left. I was getting so much push back and rude comments bc I was telling the truth. It’s a brand new baby !!! I just couldn’t deal with the “accept everyone and everything they do.” Yes I’ll accept it bc I can’t change it, but I won’t be reading it anymore. I once read this tip, it said stop reading things that upset you. That’s when I knew I had to step away. So sad. It also reminded me how few people want to raise their kids in an AP way and it’s kind of sad bc I feel AP is so natural and instinctive. Crazy.