I don’t even know anymore

[underscorezero]

My husband and I have been TTC for 14 months with no success. I don’t have many people in my life to vent to about TTC so I end up going to my mom.
As hard as my poor mom tries to understand, she just cannot. She conceived all three of her kids on the first try, never had any problems with irregular cycles or anything. But I still vent to my mom because she’s my mom and I do trust her.
A couple days ago she was in a store and sent me a pic of cute little baby bellbottom pants with the caption ‘I need grandkids’. It’s thrown me into a loop and felt like a sucker punch to the gut. I’ve now fallen into a hole of depression that I just can’t shake.
She knows that DH and I want kids. She knows we’ve been trying with no luck. I just replied, “If things went the way I wanted, we would have our baby already.” And I left it at that. I just don’t know who to talk to without getting bingo’d.
Please feel free to vent with me. It makes me feel better when others feel and experience the same things as me. I’m just tired of feeling isolated and alone.

 

[phylliswong]

@underscorezero I miscarried and told my mother she can’t tell anyone. Cue my aunt telling me she’s sorry about my miscarriage as a response to me wishing her happy bday. My mom was like I’m going to kill her for saying something…. I’m like dude I thought I could trust you. I’m sorry your mom did that. Sometimes people are dumb. Even moms.

 

[doallthingswithlove]

@phylliswong I’m sorry that happened to you and sorry for your loss. It sucks when you can’t trust the people closest to you to keep your secrets.

 

[phylliswong]

@doallthingswithlove Thank you I appreciate that

 

[underscorezero]

@phylliswong That’s such a slap in the face. I’m so sorry for your loss

 

[dmissick]

@underscorezero I'm sorry. Feeling hopeless can feel very lonely. I lost my baby at 38 weeks of pregnancy last April and I have been getting remarks like "oh well just have another one!" and "are you STILL sad about it?" As if I didn't give birth to my full term perfect but lifeless son and has to see my husband bury him instead of putting him in his crib. Oh, and my SIL didn't attend his funeral because she "didn't feel like it" and one week later told me "surprise! I'm pregnant!!!!"
People just have no sense of anything.

 

[underscorezero]

@dmissick Oh my God I’m so sorry

 

[butrflys78]

@dmissick I'm so sorry to hear. But I share the insensitive SIL story. Like really, what is up with some SILs??!

I live far from my family, so we'll have a group video call once a week to catch up. As an asian family, questions are pretty in your face. So mom suddenly asks me "So are you trying?" so I told her we're still trying, taking tracking a bit more seriously and all that jazz right? Then my SIL chimes in with "yehhh, its the ones who test and track that never get pregnant." I was quite dumbstruck to even reply back...

 

[lovelygrace]

@butrflys78 What a delightful community. Sheesh people, the tracking is a result of not getting pregnant in the first month

 

[adrianus]

@dmissick I am so, so sorry that happened to you

 

[wxdemo22]

@dmissick You deserve kinder people in your life. I’m so sorry for your loss.

 

[estelle134]

@dmissick I'm so sorry for your loss Some people are so insensitive and stuck in their lalaland. I had to cut off a friend whom I treated like SIL since our husbands are bestfriends since 14.
I lost mine at 10 weeks. She was minimizing my grief. "Oh it's only your first try" "You're still young". I'm 35.

Few weeks later, she messaged our chat group saying she was 12 weeks pregnant and they didn't tell us earlier on coz they were worried about me. I appreciated it first but the next day she started sending us ultrasound photos that were unsolicited and without giving us a heads up. I was triggered and cried to my husband because I was so shocked. The last ultrasound I saw was my baby's heart still fighting hard and beating.

To make things worse, when she was having sore cramps and morning sickness, she messaged me "Pregnancy sucks, don't do it". I already asked her 3 times to be mindful as I am still battling my own demons due to the loss. Didn't stop, I had to leave the chat and told my hubby why. I cannot have people like them in my life. I'm not resentful towards them as they keep on saying it was a "whoopsie" and here I am struggling to get pregnant. I can't put up with people dismissing my feelings and I was clear with my bounderies.

Don't be afraid to cut people off your life be it a close friend or family.

 

[reddog33]

@estelle134 I am so disgusted with others behaviors!! But you know what, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one dealing with insensitive people. I’m so sorry she behaved this way. Tone deaf. You’d think some people would actually have some empathy for others.

 

[estelle134]

@reddog33 I've learned it the hard way. I stopped making excuses for the disgusting behaviour of others. "Maybe it was a joke" or "she didn't mean it" "She was having bad morning sickness"
No. Just no. If they couldn't care enough about my feelings too then I should stop always caring too much for what others feel.

You are never alone; we are all here for you. TTC is hard and put boundaries when people dismiss what you are going through.

 

[reddog33]

@estelle134 You nailed it !! If they didn’t care enough about my feelings, why should I go above and beyond for theirs. Sending love to you

 

[estelle134]

@reddog33 Back at ya xx

 

[chrishansen123]

@dmissick I cannot even begin to imagine.. I am so sorry.

 

[thecommander]

@dmissick That’s absolutely NOT cool!!!!

 

[sarainhope]

@dmissick I’m so sorry

 

[bagross]

@dmissick I just lost my baby at 39+5 weeks after it took us 20 months to conceive her. I hate when people say you can just have another. There's no guarantee we can get pregnant again and all future pregnancies will be so fear and anxiety filled, and of course no baby will ever replace our daughter.