@josephtheprotector I am a 33yo mother of 2 (daughter is 9, son is 5). When I became a mother myself, and saw first hand how hard the never ending job truly was; I immediately began sorta doing the same thing as your daughter. I've always been pretty self sufficient, more mature than my siblings, and I mothered them to death. To this day my little brother tells other people I'm his 2nd Mama. Sometimes he will call me or come to me for motherly advice and help before he will our own mother. My mother, who is 53, widowed and lives alone, has been on a slow decline for the past 10 years or so. She just recently, as of November 2020, became legally disabled after fighting for it for years. Her short term memory has became utterly terrible, NOT remembering whether basic daily tasks had been completed or not. Physically, she has always been hands on, holding many jobs that stereotypically were meant for men. This caused her rapid physical decline. She is in constant pain with only 2 vertebrae functioning properly. She has been and will continue to attempt to do everything for herself, unable to let others do things for her.... HOWEVER, it's taken time for her to realize it's easier if I can help lighten her load. She, like you, hated it at first. She even kicked me out of her house one day over IT! I tried not to get upset over it and thought of the only way I could really explain to her that I was helping, NOT hindering. I explained that she carried me for 9 months, went through horrible labor, birthed me, fed me, clothed me, changed my diaper, and woke up every 2 hours to tend to my every need. At that time I couldn't do anything for myself.... but to remember as I got older I became independent, even arguing that I could put my own clothes on, my shoes, and could feed myself. I really couldn't, I was still a baby, I struggled, but I wanted to try to do it myself! So she let me try, and was always there to help me if I would ever let her. Now those roles have began to change. Yes, I was fully aware that she could perform said duties on her own, but if she would let me, I would like to help make it easier on her. She took care of my every need in my adolescent years, now was the time for me to show my gratitude, where I am forever indebted to her, and I pay her back for all of her love, support, generosity and patience.
Once she understood that I wasn't there to baby her, to tell her she couldn't do this or that, that I was only there to help her do things that had now become painful to do she was more open and willing. It wasn't long afterwards she realized that with my help to complete tasks faster than she could on her own, she now had more free time with lots more energy and a new drive she began enjoying her retirement and using her time for new hobbies she always wanted.
Chin up Mama, once your babies become mothers and realize everything you sacrificed for them, they will try to spend their whole lives trying to find the best ways possible to say thank you and I love you.