I ( 50 f) have a daughter ( 27 ) that has been helping me and I don't know how to feel about it.

[josephtheprotector]

@saveableme

• blush * thank you. I raised an incredible woman. I'd never be cruel. Not with a whole mind.

I'm sorry it has been so hard on you. I wish I could have made/ make things easier for you. I'll make sure she is never hurt.

As far as positive attitude, I think there is something wrong with me, as that is all I've really had. That and hope.

Thank you for your kindness to them despite how they treat you. You are truly a good person.

 

[saveableme]

@josephtheprotector Awe thank you! I owe most of my good heart and positivity to my late mother. I'd do almost anything to have her amazing heart back but lung cancer took her at 58 in 2019. It was only 3 months after her diagnoses. Her birthday was March 27th actually. I'm just blessed I had the time with her when I did, had she been diagnosed in 2020 perhaps, I wouldn't have been able to help her or be with her as often as possible.
My heart breaks for those going through issues during such a trying time.

I miss my father and grandmother dearly as well, even among their toxicity! They had good moments too. I trust that having a little of both worlds taught me well and to be a more mindful parent myself.
I have a few issues of my own but nothing that requires too much assistance, my gram and dads disability was called "charcot-Marie-tooth"(deteriation of your muscles and nerves) it was/is a muscular dystrophy and hereditary typically genetically passed from father to daughter, mother to son. I certainly wouldn't wish that on anyone but my dad would always say in anger "I can't wait until you have to feel what I feel".
I used to always say "when someone is picking on me, at least they are leaving someone else alone".

I wish I could also help, life is tough enough without the added health issues we are often dealt!
Thank you for being so kind ❤

 

[josephtheprotector]

@saveableme You are welcome, my friend. Many continued blessings and good things for you in this life.

 

[katrina2017]

@josephtheprotector I lost my mom when I was 27 to suicide, I BEGGED to help her for years. I would do ANYTHING now if I could do that for her just to have made any aspect of her life easier .. Now I care for my grandpa as he’s in the end stages of dementia and I wouldn’t have it any other way. To sum it up - I as a mother myself would feel like I was burdening my children if they had to care for me - but from a caregiving perspective, please don’t !!! It is rewarding and the time is priceless, it isn’t seen as a chore. It’s all from love and making the loved ones life easier is beyond rewarding . Just let her know you appreciate it and her and I’m sure that’s more than enough in her eyes

 

[josephtheprotector]

@katrina2017 Thank you. Your words touched me so much. I will let her do what she likes and appreciate it. I'm so sorry you lost your mom. I feel like suicide is the worst. I lost a son to it.

Thank you for what you do for your grandpa. Thank you for loving him.

 

[katrina2017]

@josephtheprotector I’m so sorry. No one should ever have to lose their child . If there’s something she does that isn’t the way you’d do it so to speak, gently just say maybe “hey I love that you want to do this for me but i usually do it like -“ I’ve been corrected many times! And He was so wonderful to me, I owe him so much more than I could ever return

 

[josephtheprotector]

@katrina2017 I love that. I'm not the type of person that will correct help. I'm just grateful. Thank you for this bit of advice. I will keep it close in mind.

And yes.no one should outlive their child. It ruins your life for a very long time and it never goes back to the same.

I'm sending so much love and good feelings to you. Thank you for your kindness.

 

[amberlynnmccormick]

@josephtheprotector I’m in my 40s and recently moved in with my dad to help him recover from major surgery. He hated having me away from my husband and preteen daughter, but I was glad to help him, as he has helped me so much over the years. He complained that he was “taking me away from my family” but I reminded him that he’s my family too and it felt really good to help him. As an adult, I realize that my remaining time with my parents is limited and I try to make the time we have together as meaningful as possible. I have helped other people who didn’t appreciate it and came to expect/demand my help. Those were the ones I stopped helping. Friends and family who appreciate you and your help are the ones that I WANT to do things for.

If your daughter wants to help you, please let her, and please remind her that you appreciate her. That’s invaluable for both of you!

 

[josephtheprotector]

@amberlynnmccormick I will do that. I plan on getting her little things also to show how much and often I think of her.

I would never demand anyone do anything for me. I don't understand people like that. I can hardly ASK for help, much less demand it.

Thank you for what you do. And please don't change because you are not appreciated. I appreciate you.

 

[amberlynnmccormick]

@josephtheprotector Thanks! I knew my dad appreciates my help and am thrilled that he’s recovering well so I am back in my home. I second what someone else said- it feels amazing to be able to handle the hurdles that life throws at us, and this was merely one.

For the ones that didn’t appreciate me, I stopped helping them only. I refuse to let those few apples spoil my heart and love for my fellow people. It took a lot for me to stop (that’s a long story for a different day), but I still try to look for little ways to help my friends and family, to show them how much I care. I also love giving my daughter examples of how a gesture or words for someone you don’t know can change the other person’s whole day. Sometimes it as simple as a compliment (nice shirt) or a gesture (jumper cables for a dead car battery). The world will be a much better place when we are kinder to each other without expectation of anything in return!!

 

[josephtheprotector]

@amberlynnmccormick I'm glad you do the little things.I give random compliments every time I'm out. I can't help it. I see something i like or you put effort in.... I'm going to notice and say something. Maybe I have no filter but for good lol. I try to compliment men as often as I can. Don't get nearly enough love like that.

I think we should both keep on making the world a kinder place, one person at a time.

 

[brendar7639]

@josephtheprotector I am in my 30s with 1 child and dont live with my parents. My mom suffers from fibromyalgia and depression. She has good and bad days and unfortunately she ALWAYS over does it on her good days and pays for it for the following week.

Whenever I go over there I always make it a point to either do the dishes, start some laundry, or cook dinner. I don't particularly always enjoy doing the tasks(because my brother still lives at home and does 0 to help out), but it eases some of the burden off her and my dad. And if I can help her keep up on the small stuff, she doesn't push herself as hard when she is feeling well. And it's a win that she has more time to spend with my daughter while she is feeling well than worrying about those tasks.

She would do the same for me(and has). Its a good feeling knowing that I can help even in a small way. And I know she appreciates it.

 

[josephtheprotector]

@brendar7639 Thank you for your perspective. I appreciate what my daughter does so much. And I appreciate what you do. You are so good to her.I'm so proud of you for stepping up for her.

 

[katrina2017]

@josephtheprotector I’m 20 and living with my parents. I love helping them around the house because as an adult now, I think of it as just my duties around the house. They’ve been taking care of my emotional teenaged ass for so long, it’s now my turn to help them the best way I could, even if it’s just through doing the dishes or preparing meals.

 

[josephtheprotector]

@katrina2017 I love this! My daughter has told me she likes helping me so I'm just gonna roll with it. It's true about the emotional teenage part. But she was just a good girl even through that.

I'm so glad you help her. Keep being loving and amazing.

 

[legendarysandwich]

@josephtheprotector I’m 28 with 2 kids living with my parents, I enjoy helping my parents out with chores and I routinely cook with my mom or cook for my parents when she is not able to. I really do enjoy bonding with my parents as an adult. They keep me motivated to stay in school and I plan to renovate their kitchen and bathroom completely after I get my degree and start working.

 

[josephtheprotector]

@legendarysandwich Wow! That's amazing you are doing that for them! I'm glad you enjoy it. This makes Me feel better.

I'm proud of you. Thank you for sharing this with me..

 

[silverlightoftheworld]

@josephtheprotector At age 18 my mom got cancer for the first time. When she was going through radiation she was unable to do most of the things she had previously done (cooking, laundry, driving, etc.) She even needed help putting her socks on and walking. I and my siblings stepped up and did those things for her/the family. We got by and she got better. Two years later she got sick again and that time it was worse than before. It got to where she needed help going to the bathroom and such. Again we were all (me f, my brothers, and my dad) more than willing to help her as much as we could. I don't for a second regret helping my mom. I hate touching feet but I rubbed lotion and oils on her feet, and I put socks on them, all while glad that I could be of assistance to my mom. I wasn't strong enough to carry her to the bathroom so my brother did that when dad was at work. But I don't for a second regret helping her with anything. I doubt any of my family does. I only wish I could have helped her more (and of course I wish she hadn't been in that situation to begin with).

I don't know your situation or your daughter, but it sounds like you've a good relationship. Chances are good that she loves you and is more than happy to help you. I know it sucks to not be able to do things you used to easily do, I saw my mom suffering because she couldn't do what had been so easy just a few months before, but let your family help you. Let your daughter be there for you. That's what family is, the people who love you the most and are present when you need them. Let them be there.

 

[josephtheprotector]

@silverlightoftheworld You are good kids. You really are. I will do this. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with me. it means so much. Thank you..

 

[chriscomplex]

@josephtheprotector Your daughter gets to live in your house rent-free, right? I’m being cold and blunt about it, but basically in past generations, this was a common and expected living arrangement. In multi-generation families, adult children (or one adult child) would just gradually take over not just household responsibilities and healthcare of the aged parent/s, but often the bills as well. But the house is paid off, so it’s not a bad deal for the adult child.

What you want to watch out for is whether taking care of you is affecting her prospects of starting a family of her own. If she doesn’t date because she sees her role as the spinster caretaker, that’s a problem.