marialavender
New member
@bozotheclown Thank you!
I’m scared of my husband going back to work on Monday
- Thread starter marialavender
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innerfire89
New member
@marialavender YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I hated newborn life too. I barely have any memories of it (and mostly all bad) because of the sleep deprivation and the crying. Some babies are just tougher than others and you're in the hardest of it all.
Honestly, can you get any help? Outsource any functions (cooking/ cleaning) etc? Can any neighbour or family come help a bit? When your husband works, what is the plan for the night duties? Yes, it's tough, but he has to do his part too. For us when my husband worked he'd do the 12/1am feed, then I'd do the 2/3/4am one and then he'd do the 6 or 7am one so that I could sleep in a bit more. Yes, he's working but you are also working (by caring for the baby) so both of you need to do some parts of the night shift, not just you.
Sleep wise, would co-sleeping help? I remember having the same thoughts as you did too which prevented me from sleeping. Honestly, co-sleeping saved me coz we could attend to the baby anytime and not have to get up much.
It's survival mode now, minute by minute and hour by hour. Don't worry about stimulating her! She will be entertained by whatever you're doing. You can just tell her what you're doing, doesn't need to be intellectual stuff.
Sometimes when I didn't kno what to do when he kept crying I just brought him outside. Somehow seeing new things/ fresh air helps. Or maybe it helps me. Haha either way it was important. Or water play?
I know this 7 week stage is horrendous and they can't do much so you feel like you're just caring for a crying sack of rice but it does get easier, I promise. And like what everyone else says, the baby phase is the WORST. I'm not a baby person. I have a toddler who meltsdown and cries but it's still better and easier than a baby.
All the hugs and solidarity. You are not, not ever alone nor are you a bad mother. You're an amazing one who is in the thick of the worst season ever.
Honestly, can you get any help? Outsource any functions (cooking/ cleaning) etc? Can any neighbour or family come help a bit? When your husband works, what is the plan for the night duties? Yes, it's tough, but he has to do his part too. For us when my husband worked he'd do the 12/1am feed, then I'd do the 2/3/4am one and then he'd do the 6 or 7am one so that I could sleep in a bit more. Yes, he's working but you are also working (by caring for the baby) so both of you need to do some parts of the night shift, not just you.
Sleep wise, would co-sleeping help? I remember having the same thoughts as you did too which prevented me from sleeping. Honestly, co-sleeping saved me coz we could attend to the baby anytime and not have to get up much.
It's survival mode now, minute by minute and hour by hour. Don't worry about stimulating her! She will be entertained by whatever you're doing. You can just tell her what you're doing, doesn't need to be intellectual stuff.
Sometimes when I didn't kno what to do when he kept crying I just brought him outside. Somehow seeing new things/ fresh air helps. Or maybe it helps me. Haha either way it was important. Or water play?
I know this 7 week stage is horrendous and they can't do much so you feel like you're just caring for a crying sack of rice but it does get easier, I promise. And like what everyone else says, the baby phase is the WORST. I'm not a baby person. I have a toddler who meltsdown and cries but it's still better and easier than a baby.
All the hugs and solidarity. You are not, not ever alone nor are you a bad mother. You're an amazing one who is in the thick of the worst season ever.
marialavender
New member
@innerfire89 The plan for now is for me to take care of her basically 24/7, maybe an hour or two a day of him caring for her. He would do more, but we have serious family issues at the moment. My grandma just fell and injured herself. We need to sell our house, move our stuff, help my grandparents, help them go through their hoard in the basement and clean their dirty house (they can’t clean anymore at their age), and help them move to my uncle’s house. Then we are buying their house and we need to renovate it. My husband will be responsible for most of that work. So we are facing a huge amount of work this year, it’s intimidating.
I can’t hire help right now because we will already be hiring painters/landscapers/movers to prepare our house for sale.
She sleeps really well when supervised in her Dock-A-Tot, but I know it’s not safe to leave her in. My husband works in the next room, and he is thinking about setting up a camera looking at her so that if I fall asleep while she’s in it he can keep an eye on her and either call out to me or come adjust her himself.
She does feel like a crying sack of rice sometimes lol.
Thank you for your advice.
I can’t hire help right now because we will already be hiring painters/landscapers/movers to prepare our house for sale.
She sleeps really well when supervised in her Dock-A-Tot, but I know it’s not safe to leave her in. My husband works in the next room, and he is thinking about setting up a camera looking at her so that if I fall asleep while she’s in it he can keep an eye on her and either call out to me or come adjust her himself.
She does feel like a crying sack of rice sometimes lol.
Thank you for your advice.
nerdwellness
New member
@marialavender Oof I remember these days. First 6 months are roughhhhh, first year is hard, we are at 2.5 now and it’s much easier. Still hard days but nothing like you’re living through now, you’re only 7 weeks in to living with a whole new person who can barely communicate with you and mostly screams at u lol, it takes some adjusting, don’t feel bad. After a few months you’ll get used to each other, catch your stride and it will start to come together. Still will suck, no getting around it, but it wont be this bad again, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Just put your head down and let the days go by, sleep as much as possible, sleep train as early as the babies capable, and I wish you luck!
marialavender
New member
@nerdwellness Thank you!
warrioragainsthimself
New member
@marialavender Oh, my heart aches for you. It is so hard right now but it will get better. You can do this! Hubby will be there in the afternoons for you to get some rest. Invest in blackout curtains and find a good white noise or sleep music that helps you to relax. I am a light sleeper too so I feel so very deeply for you. It WILL get better, I promise!
marialavender
New member
@warrioragainsthimself Thank you!
marialavender
New member
@bwtbrandon Thanks for your reply. My husband originally wanted 2, and he still would, but he respects everything I went through with the pregnancy, birth, and now the newborn stage. I’m glad he completely accepts the fact that we are OAD.
witherstix
New member
@marialavender Oh my goodness, sending hugs! Hang in there. 
I promise it will get way easier and soo much better, and you will eventually sleep again. 
I promise it will get way easier and soo much better, and you will eventually sleep again. marialavender
New member
@witherstix Thank you!
@marialavender My heart goes out to you. I was crushed when my husband was at work. But I actually was doing better by the time my baby was 7 weeks old. Hopefully you'll feel better soon too. Can you have anyone visit you or can you visit anyone? It helps.
I gave my baby a bedtime routine because I realized he was going to sleep before 8pm and slept a few hours. That was pretty much my husband's baby shift (after he came home from work and settled down) so I was particularly annoyed and that's how i noticed. I decided to work with it and set up the bedtime. Well the bedtime routine was one thing I got right. It's like bath, bottle/breast, burp, book, bed. Maybe you can incorporate some sweet customized routine to your day too. It makes it all worthwhile. In my case once we had the bedtime routine it gave me a lot more confidence to deal with our days.
I gave my baby a bedtime routine because I realized he was going to sleep before 8pm and slept a few hours. That was pretty much my husband's baby shift (after he came home from work and settled down) so I was particularly annoyed and that's how i noticed. I decided to work with it and set up the bedtime. Well the bedtime routine was one thing I got right. It's like bath, bottle/breast, burp, book, bed. Maybe you can incorporate some sweet customized routine to your day too. It makes it all worthwhile. In my case once we had the bedtime routine it gave me a lot more confidence to deal with our days.
marialavender
New member
@emjay1985 I definitely need to figure out a routine.
We don’t really have anyone around that we can rely on, but my brother does live with us and he takes care of the lawn and cleaning the downstairs bathroom, which really helps.
We don’t really have anyone around that we can rely on, but my brother does live with us and he takes care of the lawn and cleaning the downstairs bathroom, which really helps.
maritalklinic
New member
@marialavender Deffo sounds like reflux, we went through it too, now at 4.5 months old it’s so much better.
Just remember how you’re feeling is normal and it will get better
Just remember how you’re feeling is normal and it will get better
marialavender
New member
@maritalklinic Thank you!
@marialavender I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. This part is so rough right now but I promise it gets easier (I hated hearing that at the time but I promise it’s true - and looking back it is a short, short window in the grand scheme.)
Is there any way your husband could still take a shift at night? My husband and I traded off instead of shifts, that way we could sleep like two hours at a time each. He would take midnight, id take 2, he’d take 4, etc. i know he’s going back to work, but you are technically also working a full time job too. It’s going to suck for him for a while (my husband was full blown walking zombie depressed - he went back to work teaching when our baby was 2 weeks old) but you will equally need rest. You are doing a great job, even if it doesn’t feel like it and your baby loves you so much!
Is there any way your husband could still take a shift at night? My husband and I traded off instead of shifts, that way we could sleep like two hours at a time each. He would take midnight, id take 2, he’d take 4, etc. i know he’s going back to work, but you are technically also working a full time job too. It’s going to suck for him for a while (my husband was full blown walking zombie depressed - he went back to work teaching when our baby was 2 weeks old) but you will equally need rest. You are doing a great job, even if it doesn’t feel like it and your baby loves you so much!
marialavender
New member
lovedaisies
New member
@marialavender Some things that helped me with my fussy clingy newborn:
- I gave up breast feeding. I found it so much easier using formula (I was also low supply)
- Split the night shift between my partner and me. I went to bed early at around 8pm. My husband did until 2am and I did the shift 2am onwards. It meant we got roughly 6hours of sleep each, which is not enough but is much better than being woken every hour or so.
- Baby wearing. I had my baby in the sling all the time, and he was much calmer and slept better in the sling.
- When bottle feeding distract baby by getting him to concentrate on the window (they like contrast between light and dark a lot) and when thoroughly distracted, stick the bottle in. Don’t worry if they don’t drink it all, some babies want to be fed frequently and little (mine was like that)
- If you can’t work out why your baby is crying, it’s probably gas (it’s always gas). So if they have slept and been fed, do some baby yoga or massages, jiggle them up and down, and wait for them to burp or fart
- When your husband gets home immediately hand over the baby and go take an hour for yourself away from the baby (at least)
marialavender
New member
@lovedaisies Thank you for your advice!
@marialavender My baby is 7 months. I was you at 8 weeks. Like word for word.
Firstly you got this. You and your little one will find a rhythm.
Take it one day at a time. Heck the first week I took it one wake window at a time. I’m sure it’s all been said already in the comments. You guys are gonna have so much fun it gets way better I promise!
Firstly you got this. You and your little one will find a rhythm.
Take it one day at a time. Heck the first week I took it one wake window at a time. I’m sure it’s all been said already in the comments. You guys are gonna have so much fun it gets way better I promise!