Husband running a 2 day race a month after I’m due
- Thread starter yuliza
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@yuliza My husband would never, partly because he didn’t want to be away from us and has never spent a night away from the babies, but mainly because of how incredibly sleep deprived we both are with a newborn. He’s every bit as involved as I am taking care of the baby and that’s round the clock. It’s survival mode the first month or two. Or six. It would have been incredibly impractical to train for and compete in a big race. But sure, if your husband is uninvolved and gets all the sleep and time to train, why not.
I remember my husband’s dad visited when our second was about 6 weeks old and asked him in this concerned voice “Are you okay?” And he’s like lol dad I’m just extremely tired. His dad was definitely one of those uninvolved got lots of sleep type dads.
I remember my husband’s dad visited when our second was about 6 weeks old and asked him in this concerned voice “Are you okay?” And he’s like lol dad I’m just extremely tired. His dad was definitely one of those uninvolved got lots of sleep type dads.
@yuliza I can’t remember how old my daughter was when my husband left for work (for about 3 days) the first time, but it actually did me a world of good. I speak only for myself, but I needed to see that I COULD do it myself. It helped me connect to my daughter and my maternal instincts more. Just my experience!
@yuliza That's pretty selfish of him, to be honest. He won't or shouldn't have time to train for the first month.
You've both set yourself up for conflict and disappointment by thinking that you can have hobbies for the first 4 months. Until you're over that 4 months sleep regression, that baby will rule your lives. Your husband should count on his life dramatically changing. If he wants to be an involved dad instead of a distant uncle figure, he'll have to do more than "help out" when he feels like it. It'll be a total change of routine, and the routine will be dictated by the baby. My husband and I got a 30 to 60 minute walk a day starting at 2 weeks, and that was it. Have you heard of cluster feeding?
I think both of you should take a parenting class and a baby first aid class. Breastfeeding a newborn is 40 hours a week, and there are 10+ diapers to change per day.
Getting realistic expectations about the first year of your baby's life is a vitally important project that both of you undertake in order to protect your marriage. You can't do it and then share the information with him, you both have to do it.
You've both set yourself up for conflict and disappointment by thinking that you can have hobbies for the first 4 months. Until you're over that 4 months sleep regression, that baby will rule your lives. Your husband should count on his life dramatically changing. If he wants to be an involved dad instead of a distant uncle figure, he'll have to do more than "help out" when he feels like it. It'll be a total change of routine, and the routine will be dictated by the baby. My husband and I got a 30 to 60 minute walk a day starting at 2 weeks, and that was it. Have you heard of cluster feeding?
I think both of you should take a parenting class and a baby first aid class. Breastfeeding a newborn is 40 hours a week, and there are 10+ diapers to change per day.
Getting realistic expectations about the first year of your baby's life is a vitally important project that both of you undertake in order to protect your marriage. You can't do it and then share the information with him, you both have to do it.
@yuliza My husband is officiating a wedding 2 weeks after my due date. Obviously he will probably not stay for all the festivities but it’s an honor to be asked to do that and for the time I should be able to manage for the night. Think of this as a transitional period for then there are longer stretches you will be home with baby alone.
johannatan
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worktogether
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@yuliza I think it depends on how much help you have available both during the time between birth and the race and the race weekend. Our baby wouldn’t sleep unless held for the first several weeks so my husband and I were trading off sleep every three hours. Theres no way he would’ve been able to run a race 4 weeks postpartum and he ran a marathon when I was 35 weeks and he continued running regularly at a high intensity between the marathon and when I gave birth. He handled the sleep deprivation worse than I did since I had a very rough third trimester that impacted my sleep a lot (so my very limited postpartum sleep felt amazing compared to pregnancy sleep.) I also couldn’t have handled being alone for a weekend that soon but we have no friends/family nearby.
However, if you have help available for that weekend and if your baby is an easier sleeper, it may work. It’s honestly so hard to predict how the baby will be until they’ve arrived that I’d be wary of planning something like this but YMMV.
However, if you have help available for that weekend and if your baby is an easier sleeper, it may work. It’s honestly so hard to predict how the baby will be until they’ve arrived that I’d be wary of planning something like this but YMMV.
@yuliza My husband does Ironman triathlon. Personally, I would let him still travel to races to compete and enjoy as I know it brings him joy and it’s truly his passion. I will be a FTM and I realize it will probably be more difficult but fortunately we can ask for support from family to be there while he is gone. Ultimately, the decision is up to you in terms of what you’re comfortable with. If you have good support to help you during that time, and/or you feel like it will being you happiness to see him be able to enjoy the race, then perhaps it will be bearable for you.
@sushi7 Have you had a baby before? I have literally never heard of family that’s willing to be up all night and be incredibly sleep deprived voluntarily. People have jobs and lives and they didn’t choose to have a baby. My family could not be more supportive, but no one signs up for that. Even my SIL who lived with her retired parents when she had a baby didn’t expect or receive middle of the night support, because that’s incredibly taxing.
It’s an unreasonable ask IMO
It’s an unreasonable ask IMO
@sushi7 The trouble with this forum is that it's sometimes the blind leading the blind. OP is getting advice from women who haven't gone through the newborn stage yet. Unequal leisure time and sleep is a huge driver of conflict and divorce; if just one parent's life changes and the other one's really doesn't, the resentment really poisons things.
listenyoumust
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japan4jesus
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@yuliza I would support this, with the caveat that he be 100% willing to cancel if you need him to -- like if you and/or baby are dealing with any complications.
I felt comfortable providing solo care by 3 weeks pp, and my husband did go away for a night around that time. We hired a night nurse to help a bit - highly recommend if that is in your budget. If it's not, I would line up help from trusted people in your village.
In our case, baby unexpectedly arrived 3 weeks early, so I was in a really good groove 4+ weeks after her due date.
I felt comfortable providing solo care by 3 weeks pp, and my husband did go away for a night around that time. We hired a night nurse to help a bit - highly recommend if that is in your budget. If it's not, I would line up help from trusted people in your village.
In our case, baby unexpectedly arrived 3 weeks early, so I was in a really good groove 4+ weeks after her due date.
momonthego
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@yuliza My husband was the best man for one of our college friends a month after our first was born. He was gone for a bit over a week. By that point, you're starting to feel a bit more comfortable. My advice would be to make sure you have plenty of what you need stocked up. You'll have a good time. 2 days isn't long, BUT prep your expectations of him for the day or so after he gets back, since he'll likely be wiped out. 
christopherv
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@yuliza Will you be ok? Yes, totally. The break might even be good for you guys. My husband broke a pipe under our sink and I spent the weekend with my parents around this time, I was nervous at first but it ended up being a nice night and my mom helped with some breastfeeding issues we were having.
Will he be ok? Eh, maybe not. We stuck to shorter distances, mainly because it was hard to find time to train. After the first six weeks training became easier, but still shorter than normal. We have a friend who, shortly after his wife had a baby, didn’t have his typical endurance for a long paddle race (22 miles, on traditional prone board typical a 3 hr race) and although his speed was still there, he DNF’ed after half the course.
Definitely keep your fitness hobbies a priority as much as possible, though! It takes some adjusting but I think really helps you feel like you are still “you” after your baby comes. And then eventually you can more easily return to your normal.
Will he be ok? Eh, maybe not. We stuck to shorter distances, mainly because it was hard to find time to train. After the first six weeks training became easier, but still shorter than normal. We have a friend who, shortly after his wife had a baby, didn’t have his typical endurance for a long paddle race (22 miles, on traditional prone board typical a 3 hr race) and although his speed was still there, he DNF’ed after half the course.
Definitely keep your fitness hobbies a priority as much as possible, though! It takes some adjusting but I think really helps you feel like you are still “you” after your baby comes. And then eventually you can more easily return to your normal.
@yuliza I'm PP so knowing what I know, the caveat I would give him is he needs to be able to manage the training on new born sleep.
Training, or post race recovery will not be an acceptable excuse to not do night waking. The race will be considered a break from the baby.
Personally, if I were him, I wouldn't sign up to that, but I know people that would. I think one of the hardest bits of having a kid is that you can't take time to recover if I do tiring things for myself.
Training, or post race recovery will not be an acceptable excuse to not do night waking. The race will be considered a break from the baby.
Personally, if I were him, I wouldn't sign up to that, but I know people that would. I think one of the hardest bits of having a kid is that you can't take time to recover if I do tiring things for myself.