aegisheart
New member
@blessedbythebest88 My husband said this is something he'd like to pursue, so thank you! I'm sorry for the very brief response but I'm completely overwhelmed by the amount of comments I got 
How to support a gifted child?
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blessedbythebest88
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@aegisheart Best of luck!
mydaughter
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@aegisheart Hi there, I am a pediatric occupational therapist and it sounds like he may have some sensory processing and self regulation concerns that may warrant an outpatient evaluation. In the course of evaluation and treatment his therapist should address emotional and sensory regulation techniques to incorporate at home and in the daycare settings. I would be wary of any place that wants to do evaluations for ADHD or gifted placement as he is generally too young. If the therapist sees further concerns warranting diagnosis they will recommend you see a developmental pediatrician. You will need a referral from your pediatrician in order to set up an evaluation and they may write a diagnosis on the referral as âsensory processing concernsâ that will not label your child permanently. Hope this helps, youâre asking good questions!
aegisheart
New member
@mydaughter Thank you! We've spoken to the doctor and a social worker about hypersensitivity, but they both pretty much shrugged and said kindergarten is loud, they'd feel the same. I'm especially grateful for the tip with choosing an evaluation place. There are a few that offer them from the age of 2 but we don't want to be scammed. Whatever he is, he is but we'd like to know the truth. Unfortunately, our GP can't give us a referral for a giftedness evaluation. That is something we have to pay out of pocket and it's a substantial sum. We'll see about autism or ADHD, but so far the former seems less likely than the latter, and both aren't something our pediatrician is worried about (=no referal). However, I'll ask about sensory processing concerns. Sometimes you just need to know the magic words to get things in motion.
Again, thank you for offering tips on the assessment question!
Again, thank you for offering tips on the assessment question!
@aegisheart I was not labeled âgiftedâ growing up but I was in a large school system and always placed in the advanced classes with the gifted kids. Just FYI, many of my friends have gone on to have very average lives. So something to think about is that many gifted kids may excel when they are young but have normal struggles in university or as adults. So I would focus on encouraging a growth mindset. You and they need to know that just because things are easy for them now, they may be harder later. I would normalize struggles and failure. Lots of exposure to life skills like relationship building, physical activity, cooking, chores, exploring in nature, learning about whatever random interests they have. They should know itâs always ok to ask for help and really listen to them non-judgementally when they have anxieties.
@aegisheart TLDR: please donât treat him as if heâs older, and know he will still need support in a lot of other areas even if heâs high achieving in others.
Just to offer another childâs perspective, I skipped first grade. For half of the year of kindergarten, I went to a first grade class a couple hours a week. I was in the gifted program later in elementary school. I donât know what this was based on other than that I read at a high level. I know my parents were very torn over all of it. I was an extremely shy child and didnât make many friends in either class. Other than that, I think my struggles came from my parents treating me like I was more mature than I was (for a variety of reasons) and attitude around me being âsmart.â If I wasnât doing well in school, they said it was because I didnât apply myself. The refrain was that I was a smart girl and I should be able to figure it out myself. In reality, I had no idea how to create good habits, study, structure my time, be organized, all of those other skills that support academics. This continued all the way through college. I did well in subjects I naturally understand (English, Spanish, history), and struggled in the others. My parents thought I should be in highest level of class offered, and if I didnât do well, it was my fault. e.g. they put me in honors precalculus my freshman year of HS and I barely made a D, but I really should have been in remedial algebra or pre-algebra. It took a lot of arguing for them to relent and let me take some basic classes later in high school. I was constantly in trouble for my grades, but they couldnât see how to help me beyond hiring a math tutor. That would get me through the next test, and then Iâd be back at square one. I taught myself organization and time management about halfway through college, but I still struggled in a lot of subjects. Anything beyond basic memorization in those areas was beyond me, and still is TBH. I can see so clearly how my parentsâ assumptions about my abilities affected me negatively as a kid.
This may not apply because it sounds like I had a very classic mid-nineties gifted child experience that doesnât seem as common today with the focus on praising effort instead of character traits. It sounds like youâre very aware in a way my parents were not. Just wanted to chime in on the soft skills that would have helped me out majorly, both in school and the real world.
Just to offer another childâs perspective, I skipped first grade. For half of the year of kindergarten, I went to a first grade class a couple hours a week. I was in the gifted program later in elementary school. I donât know what this was based on other than that I read at a high level. I know my parents were very torn over all of it. I was an extremely shy child and didnât make many friends in either class. Other than that, I think my struggles came from my parents treating me like I was more mature than I was (for a variety of reasons) and attitude around me being âsmart.â If I wasnât doing well in school, they said it was because I didnât apply myself. The refrain was that I was a smart girl and I should be able to figure it out myself. In reality, I had no idea how to create good habits, study, structure my time, be organized, all of those other skills that support academics. This continued all the way through college. I did well in subjects I naturally understand (English, Spanish, history), and struggled in the others. My parents thought I should be in highest level of class offered, and if I didnât do well, it was my fault. e.g. they put me in honors precalculus my freshman year of HS and I barely made a D, but I really should have been in remedial algebra or pre-algebra. It took a lot of arguing for them to relent and let me take some basic classes later in high school. I was constantly in trouble for my grades, but they couldnât see how to help me beyond hiring a math tutor. That would get me through the next test, and then Iâd be back at square one. I taught myself organization and time management about halfway through college, but I still struggled in a lot of subjects. Anything beyond basic memorization in those areas was beyond me, and still is TBH. I can see so clearly how my parentsâ assumptions about my abilities affected me negatively as a kid.
This may not apply because it sounds like I had a very classic mid-nineties gifted child experience that doesnât seem as common today with the focus on praising effort instead of character traits. It sounds like youâre very aware in a way my parents were not. Just wanted to chime in on the soft skills that would have helped me out majorly, both in school and the real world.
@rmr My story is SO much the same as yours! Iâve always been bad at math because I donât like it, my brain just zoned out when they taught it. I told my parents from a young age I needed help, but instead I got constantly told Iâm âjust not applying myselfâ and pushed into genius math classes completely against my will because the tests said I could and because Iâm very gifted in other areas. I mean, literally anyone just listening to me when I asked for math help would have been nice.
aegisheart
New member
@rmr Lack of organizational skills and how to study things that don't come naturally seems to be a common theme. That's also unfortunately something I can't relate to, because I had to learn both very early (no giftedness here).
If I understand you correctly, the main issues are to not put so much pressure on kids to perform and to make sure they have a peer group with friends?
If I understand you correctly, the main issues are to not put so much pressure on kids to perform and to make sure they have a peer group with friends?
katrina2017
New member
@aegisheart My son is gifted. Youâve gotten good advice here. One thing Iâll addâŚ
Perfectionism is a big issue with these kids. Because things come easy to them, they really struggle with the concept of struggling. It feels like a threat to their identity and they tend to quit or try to avoid that feeling of failure in other ways.
Teach him how to fail. Teach him perseverance. Teach him itâs ok to not be the best. It sounds like youâre already thinking about these things and modeling them. So this is probably more of an endorsement than advice. I just think itâs really really important.
Perfectionism is a big issue with these kids. Because things come easy to them, they really struggle with the concept of struggling. It feels like a threat to their identity and they tend to quit or try to avoid that feeling of failure in other ways.
Teach him how to fail. Teach him perseverance. Teach him itâs ok to not be the best. It sounds like youâre already thinking about these things and modeling them. So this is probably more of an endorsement than advice. I just think itâs really really important.
@katrina2017 I was coming here to say the same thing. My daughter is gifted and a perfectionist. It has been a lifelong struggle but the thing that I think helped the most was her learning an instrument. They are granted permission to start off terrible because no one is born knowing how to play an instrument. They can hear their own progress and evaluate how they sound and don't need to rely on the judgement of others for feedback. That is perfect for gifted and/or perfectionist kids.
My daughter was in a self contained gifted program from 5th grade until 8th grade. In high school she maxed out on APs and she is currently in college studying physics with hopes to attend med school. I still think orchestra was the most valuable part of her education throughout middle and high school. It was the place she learned to fail and that was more beneficial than anything else. She even went out for the orchestra program in college, which shocked me because my timid little girl who was afraid of rejection put herself out there to be judged on her talents. She will always be a perfectionist but she learned to channel that and not let it cripple her. I highly recommend an instrument. Any instrument.
My daughter was in a self contained gifted program from 5th grade until 8th grade. In high school she maxed out on APs and she is currently in college studying physics with hopes to attend med school. I still think orchestra was the most valuable part of her education throughout middle and high school. It was the place she learned to fail and that was more beneficial than anything else. She even went out for the orchestra program in college, which shocked me because my timid little girl who was afraid of rejection put herself out there to be judged on her talents. She will always be a perfectionist but she learned to channel that and not let it cripple her. I highly recommend an instrument. Any instrument.
owenwatkin60
New member
@katrina2017 Chess can be nice for learning to manage failure constructively at a young age
@aegisheart Gifted child here...now diagnosed with ADHD & Autism as an adult. My oldest is currently on the same track, scoring in the 90th percentile on testing and such, it definitely brings back a lot of my own experiences. Being aware of his abilities is good and challenging him is good, as long as he is still enjoying it. You have to be careful, if he is pushed too much it stops being enjoyable for him and he will likely experience burnout. I would advise finding other gifted children for him to socialize with. I have always gravitated toward others who are also neurodivergent.
aegisheart
New member
@krismabl Depression, anxiety, and burnout are the things that worry us, too. They're apparently super common for gifted children.
We'd love to find more neurodiverse kids to socialize with, but we're not sure where to find any. He's really good with calmer and younger kids, and the one close-in-age autistic toddler we know. There aren't any groups in the area that I'm aware of (not necessarily for gifted children, just different ones) and he's not good with loud noises, so that also could make it more challenging.
We'd love to find more neurodiverse kids to socialize with, but we're not sure where to find any. He's really good with calmer and younger kids, and the one close-in-age autistic toddler we know. There aren't any groups in the area that I'm aware of (not necessarily for gifted children, just different ones) and he's not good with loud noises, so that also could make it more challenging.
saulfactuspaul
New member
@aegisheart
I just want to tack onto this as another formerly-gifted child, that I didn't experience most of these things beyond what most teenagers experience, and I think it's because whenever I asked my parents what to do in any given scenario, they would emphasise to choose the things which brought me joy. "If you're good at it and you enjoy it, that's the best choice. But if you just enjoy it, that's the next-best choice." They let me have times when I was 'unproductive' and cruising through school while spending all my spare time gaming, or going to parties even though I never really fit in, etc. I didn't start taking an active interest in schooling until I was in 11th grade and still was in the top 5% of the state for our leaving certificate (plus now have a high-level job and a very happy family of my own).
So yeah, I echo the sentiments of "take the pressure off, emphasise fun and enjoyment". If a kid finds their calling along the way great, but being a fast/good learner will help them at any stage, don't feel like they have to be excelling throughout their entire childhood.
I just want to tack onto this as another formerly-gifted child, that I didn't experience most of these things beyond what most teenagers experience, and I think it's because whenever I asked my parents what to do in any given scenario, they would emphasise to choose the things which brought me joy. "If you're good at it and you enjoy it, that's the best choice. But if you just enjoy it, that's the next-best choice." They let me have times when I was 'unproductive' and cruising through school while spending all my spare time gaming, or going to parties even though I never really fit in, etc. I didn't start taking an active interest in schooling until I was in 11th grade and still was in the top 5% of the state for our leaving certificate (plus now have a high-level job and a very happy family of my own).
So yeah, I echo the sentiments of "take the pressure off, emphasise fun and enjoyment". If a kid finds their calling along the way great, but being a fast/good learner will help them at any stage, don't feel like they have to be excelling throughout their entire childhood.
regondifan
New member
@aegisheart My brother and I were both gifted, my brother more so than me and I have a few ideas of what not to do. The major thing being having âI donât have to work hard to achieveâ being something they learn because theyâre not challenged. I straight up didnât have to study until my final year of school and into uni so I had no skills in that area. Because everything was so easy for me I had also learned that when solving a problem âif itâs hard I must be doing something wrongâ because for the most part in school it was true. And now I have to work around that thought because that doesnât apply to life.
My brother is the full blown warning pretty close to the worst case scenario, he has an IQ in the 140s but his final school results were below the 80th percentile, heâs in his mid 20s with no great career prospects, maybe one friend IRL and has never had a relationship, if heâs not working heâs gaming, still lives at home with my parents with no plans to move out, heâs also extremely unhealthy to the point I would be shocked if he made it to 50, itâs really upsetting. My parents didnât act of the warning signs of falling grades and they also didnât ensure that he was challenged in school, instead praising him for things he had achieved in grade 3. Even when he was little my mother used to joke about how he could âcharmâ people into doing the hard parts of a task (e.g a craft) for him. Instead of taking it as a sign he neeeded more encouragement to do it. I think partly his whole identity was tied up in being âthe smart kidâ and my parents never really encouraged the other aspects of him outside of that (he was also charismatic, loved certain literature etc). They also didnât seek to remedy any obvious issues like his handwriting (which I suspect is dysgraphia) or other social skills, acting like because he was so smart it wouldnât really matter.
I also strongly suspect heâs autistic (would be shocked if he wasnât) and Iâm now diagnosed with ADHD (as of a 1.5 years ago) both of us showed significant signs as children and the type of health professionals my parents were there was no way they wouldnât have known the signs, particularly with my brother. however the only time my parents ever brought us to a psychologist was to get IQ tested when we were little. I also suspect this is because my mother seem to be a narc so it was more important to take the âlook how much smarter my kids are than yoursâ tests than the tests that would actually help said kids. So youâre probably nothing like that but if you suspect any neurodiversity then definitely get that tested, not for medication (although that can be helpful) but because it allows you to access more specific and more helpful advice. Like now instead of looking for âhow to organise your pantryâ I look for âhow to organise your pantry for ADHDâ and itâs a bunch of things that seem like they would work for me. If I had known when I was studying I could have utilised ADHD study tips etc.
The other thing is, donât get too tied up in âyouâre smart you should be a doctor, or a lawyer etcâ. Those high up jobs have a certain lifestyle tied in which is a huge sacrifice. I ended up being really happy doing nursing (despite not initially choosing it because I thought I was above it) and I wasnât even the smartest in my friendship group despite being the gifted child growing up. A lot of burned out gifted kids grow up to have ânormalâ jobs and then feel like theyâve failed because everyone expected them to be president. We need smart teachers, nurses, hairdressers. Where do you think the pioneers in those fields come from? My husband is quite smart too but couldnât get into medicine and he became a maths teacher instead, heâs now working in a business where he can support me staying at home with the kids on his one income in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Plus heâs home a lot. Iâm very very happy being a SAHM and heâs very very happy with the lifestyle we had. Both of us have jobs that are âlowerâ than what we were told we were capable of.
Although I will say my husband and I are pretty close in IQ, maybe Iâm slightly higher but he is way way way better at studying. He grew up around smart people who worked hard (heâs Australian born Chinese) so he actually felt dumb until he became a teacher and really saw what the range of abilities was. It was normal to study, and he wasnât really a stand out. I think that did help him be productive.
ETA: my grammar does NOT portray me as a former gifted kid but I wrote this at 4am when my baby was refusing to sleep and I canât be bothered fixing it
My brother is the full blown warning pretty close to the worst case scenario, he has an IQ in the 140s but his final school results were below the 80th percentile, heâs in his mid 20s with no great career prospects, maybe one friend IRL and has never had a relationship, if heâs not working heâs gaming, still lives at home with my parents with no plans to move out, heâs also extremely unhealthy to the point I would be shocked if he made it to 50, itâs really upsetting. My parents didnât act of the warning signs of falling grades and they also didnât ensure that he was challenged in school, instead praising him for things he had achieved in grade 3. Even when he was little my mother used to joke about how he could âcharmâ people into doing the hard parts of a task (e.g a craft) for him. Instead of taking it as a sign he neeeded more encouragement to do it. I think partly his whole identity was tied up in being âthe smart kidâ and my parents never really encouraged the other aspects of him outside of that (he was also charismatic, loved certain literature etc). They also didnât seek to remedy any obvious issues like his handwriting (which I suspect is dysgraphia) or other social skills, acting like because he was so smart it wouldnât really matter.
I also strongly suspect heâs autistic (would be shocked if he wasnât) and Iâm now diagnosed with ADHD (as of a 1.5 years ago) both of us showed significant signs as children and the type of health professionals my parents were there was no way they wouldnât have known the signs, particularly with my brother. however the only time my parents ever brought us to a psychologist was to get IQ tested when we were little. I also suspect this is because my mother seem to be a narc so it was more important to take the âlook how much smarter my kids are than yoursâ tests than the tests that would actually help said kids. So youâre probably nothing like that but if you suspect any neurodiversity then definitely get that tested, not for medication (although that can be helpful) but because it allows you to access more specific and more helpful advice. Like now instead of looking for âhow to organise your pantryâ I look for âhow to organise your pantry for ADHDâ and itâs a bunch of things that seem like they would work for me. If I had known when I was studying I could have utilised ADHD study tips etc.
The other thing is, donât get too tied up in âyouâre smart you should be a doctor, or a lawyer etcâ. Those high up jobs have a certain lifestyle tied in which is a huge sacrifice. I ended up being really happy doing nursing (despite not initially choosing it because I thought I was above it) and I wasnât even the smartest in my friendship group despite being the gifted child growing up. A lot of burned out gifted kids grow up to have ânormalâ jobs and then feel like theyâve failed because everyone expected them to be president. We need smart teachers, nurses, hairdressers. Where do you think the pioneers in those fields come from? My husband is quite smart too but couldnât get into medicine and he became a maths teacher instead, heâs now working in a business where he can support me staying at home with the kids on his one income in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Plus heâs home a lot. Iâm very very happy being a SAHM and heâs very very happy with the lifestyle we had. Both of us have jobs that are âlowerâ than what we were told we were capable of.
Although I will say my husband and I are pretty close in IQ, maybe Iâm slightly higher but he is way way way better at studying. He grew up around smart people who worked hard (heâs Australian born Chinese) so he actually felt dumb until he became a teacher and really saw what the range of abilities was. It was normal to study, and he wasnât really a stand out. I think that did help him be productive.
ETA: my grammar does NOT portray me as a former gifted kid but I wrote this at 4am when my baby was refusing to sleep and I canât be bothered fixing it
iamkingsamuel
New member
@aegisheart Itâs great that you are proceeding with caution. A lot of adults who were labeled as gifted report they have severe anxiety and suffered from failure to launch. They end up getting a LOT of praise for success but not for process/effort which breeds a lack of self motivation later. They also really struggle with anxiety with tasks that are difficult for them because they feel like struggle = stupid.
Focus on social emotional development. Read âthe whole brain childâ and âthe explosive childâ. Iâd also recommend finding select areas where he can work at his own pace at home or at school (music lessons, reading, chessâŚ.whatever he likes) and avoid getting a âgiftedâ label.
School should be able to offer select advanced curriculum while leaving him in his appropriate class.
And find a good therapist. Ideally one with âplayâ therapy options who will help guide you.
Focus on social emotional development. Read âthe whole brain childâ and âthe explosive childâ. Iâd also recommend finding select areas where he can work at his own pace at home or at school (music lessons, reading, chessâŚ.whatever he likes) and avoid getting a âgiftedâ label.
School should be able to offer select advanced curriculum while leaving him in his appropriate class.
And find a good therapist. Ideally one with âplayâ therapy options who will help guide you.
@aegisheart You have received so many comments that I donât want to detail much, I just want to reiterate some general things. My husband and I were both identified as gifted around grade 2-3, he went into a specialized gifted class within the public school system in Canada, I did not but I went into French immersion at that time. I think the most important thing is to follow your childâs lead. âGiftedâ is such a broad category and truly every child is different and will benefit from different things. Remember that children get more out of school that learning and many benefit from being in a class with peers of the same age and all levels of ability despite feeling bored, whereas some do not. My husband kept to himself so he benefited from being in a special gifted class whereas I just wanted to feel normal and became the unofficial âteacherâ for my classmates. Having a teacher who is supportive of allowing your child to do extra work or explore their interests while the rest of the class is working on their homework can be very helpful.
My words of caution are to remember your childâs age, even if they are academically performing similar to that of an older child. They are still a child emotionally, so donât expect too much out of them. Do not make grades the centre of their value. And secondly, please please please remember that giftedness does not equate future academic success. So many of my gifted peers never went to university, and many of us felt pushed into things because everyone said we were too âsmartâ to become a ____ [insert whatever profession is deemed non academic here]. I felt othered for a lot of my life simply because my peers knew I was gifted (it was unavoidable when youâre being taken out of class for an IEP meeting). That comes with so much misguided expectation and it ultimately let to a lot of stress for me, even as an adult. However exceptional your child may be, let him be himself and support him in whatever way seems necessary for him in that year, and it may change as he gets older. Labels can be helpful and can help guide you to resources, but ultimately treating your child as the unique individual they are will have more benefit.
My words of caution are to remember your childâs age, even if they are academically performing similar to that of an older child. They are still a child emotionally, so donât expect too much out of them. Do not make grades the centre of their value. And secondly, please please please remember that giftedness does not equate future academic success. So many of my gifted peers never went to university, and many of us felt pushed into things because everyone said we were too âsmartâ to become a ____ [insert whatever profession is deemed non academic here]. I felt othered for a lot of my life simply because my peers knew I was gifted (it was unavoidable when youâre being taken out of class for an IEP meeting). That comes with so much misguided expectation and it ultimately let to a lot of stress for me, even as an adult. However exceptional your child may be, let him be himself and support him in whatever way seems necessary for him in that year, and it may change as he gets older. Labels can be helpful and can help guide you to resources, but ultimately treating your child as the unique individual they are will have more benefit.
@aegisheart You could be describing my son, who is now 10.
I don't have scientific advice except to keep an eye on the autism possibility. We also thought my son couldn't possibly be on the spectrum as he didn't have the signs except for a bit of compulsive behavior (things need to work in a certain way or happen in a particular order, sort of thing). We had him assessed at 2.5 because of the compulsive behavior and the result was just "he's gifted." Had him informally assessed at 6 by a psychologist who specialized in autism, she had the same "just profoundly gifted" assessment. She said, "Neurotypical for a gifted child doesn't look the same as neurotypical for an average child."
As he grew older the emotions got bigger and became problematic. Currently, professionals are divided about a diagnosis. Some still say "no it can't possibly be autism, his communication is too good" and others say "oh yeah he's definitely on the spectrum." Some say it's ADHD and we were desperate enough to try meds but they didn't help. Anxiety disorder seems like a possibility, but a psychologist who specializes in anxiety met with him a few times and the prognosis was "lol I have no idea." We're on a waiting list for a very expensive comprehensive psychological evaluation that will supposedly sort it.
But in the meantime, whether or not he is actually autistic, certainly the same strategies you would use to help an autistic child regulate work well for my son.
Good luck and godspeed. It's like you've started a video game and inadvertently set it to hard mode.
To your specific questions
I don't have scientific advice except to keep an eye on the autism possibility. We also thought my son couldn't possibly be on the spectrum as he didn't have the signs except for a bit of compulsive behavior (things need to work in a certain way or happen in a particular order, sort of thing). We had him assessed at 2.5 because of the compulsive behavior and the result was just "he's gifted." Had him informally assessed at 6 by a psychologist who specialized in autism, she had the same "just profoundly gifted" assessment. She said, "Neurotypical for a gifted child doesn't look the same as neurotypical for an average child."
As he grew older the emotions got bigger and became problematic. Currently, professionals are divided about a diagnosis. Some still say "no it can't possibly be autism, his communication is too good" and others say "oh yeah he's definitely on the spectrum." Some say it's ADHD and we were desperate enough to try meds but they didn't help. Anxiety disorder seems like a possibility, but a psychologist who specializes in anxiety met with him a few times and the prognosis was "lol I have no idea." We're on a waiting list for a very expensive comprehensive psychological evaluation that will supposedly sort it.
But in the meantime, whether or not he is actually autistic, certainly the same strategies you would use to help an autistic child regulate work well for my son.
Good luck and godspeed. It's like you've started a video game and inadvertently set it to hard mode.
To your specific questions
- Yes, as long as he's game. You don't want him to just be frustrated all the time as you say in (2). This will be more of a factor as he gets older and can actually select his own challenges. You'll need to work with his internal motivation rather than pushing him.
- Also do this! Let him excel at things, and let him push himself to be even better if he wants to.
- My son was born in late September, so if I took no special action he wound up being one of the oldest in his cohort. My husband and mother-in-law assured me this was for the best, some parents do this on purpose, he'll be a leader, etc etc. I have some regrets because, yeah, he's always been bored out of his brains. On the other hand, for a "brainy" kid he is actually pretty into physical activities so maybe it'll be good for him in the long run.
- Yeah this one is tough. Best I can say is that you should vocalize your own struggles and model a good response to them. "Oh darn, I put in too much flour for this recipe. Well, you know what, I can add more of the other ingredients and we'll just double it." Examples like this where you proactively think of a solution are good, but also share things where no solution can fix it. "I broke this and there's just no way to repair it. I'm sad about it, but I'll be OK in a little while. I'm going to take some deep breaths, and then I'm going to do something else to take my mind off it."
- As you could probably tell from my intro, I don't have great advice for this except to try to find a specialist.
- I compromise on this sort of thing. Being really smart, he's not as likely as other kids to follow orders just because they come from adults, so he's going to push back and ask why he has to go to music class when it hurts his ears. But, see if you can find compromises. Show that you respect his needs but that things still need to get done. Go places that might be noisy, but bring headphones. My son hates wearing socks, but his dad doesn't want him wearing cloth-lined shoes without them, and school requires closed-toed shoes. So he wears Crocs most every day, rain or shine. Start helping him figure out the tools he will need to navigate the world as a hypersensitive adult without just shutting himself away from everything.
- I think it's fine to talk to him about some topics like he's older, but don't forget to do silly kid things with him. And remember that his intellect might be "older" but his emotional capacity is still that of a 3-year-old (or possibly a neurodivergent 3-year-old) so try not to treat him in a way that's going to be an emotional burden even if he can handle it intellectually.
- This year my son started attending a special learning center for social-emotional skills and it has been comforting talking to some of the parents there who face similar challenges. I haven't found a particular online community, sorry.