@kaykay8 This is so crazy. My son is autistic - he def has a developmental delay (I think) and is not really verbal BUT the sensory issues, the hyperlexia, the close attention to all things academic. He may not be able to speak but I wouldn’t be surprised if he cured cancer someday. I really wish someone could study this and tell me what to do.
How to support a gifted child?
- Thread starter aegisheart
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aegisheart
New member
@kaykay8 There is so much overlap between giftedness and ADHD that sometimes I feel like it's a coin toss. Funnily enough, both myself and my husband have been seeing therapists for a long time and were diagnosed with things but neither autism, nor ADHD (nor giftedness).
Oof, routine is so hard with willful toddlers. The point you bring up with talking through steps is brilliant. I think that might really help.
This is the second time I hear martial arts being good for neurodivergent people. Maybe when he's a bit older we'll pursue that. So far he's been pretty happy with his gym class and coaches, so we don't want to necessarily switch until he grows out of it.
Oof, routine is so hard with willful toddlers. The point you bring up with talking through steps is brilliant. I think that might really help.
This is the second time I hear martial arts being good for neurodivergent people. Maybe when he's a bit older we'll pursue that. So far he's been pretty happy with his gym class and coaches, so we don't want to necessarily switch until he grows out of it.
@aegisheart My kids now are 2, 4, and 6 - they all start at about 3ish, which is why I mentioned it 
@aegisheart This was me
I was only diagnosed as autistic last year at age 48.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at ages 4, 28, and again last year at age 48. I'm finally on ADHD medication and finally able to regulate my emotions for the first time in my life.
I was subjected to numerous tests in kindergarten and 1st grade and labeled "highly gifted."
Now after the longest autistic burnout of my life, I regularly experience mutism and am currently on long term medical leave from work.
I'm currently in a clinic for trauma and burnout and doing a lot of reflection.
Things I wish my parents had done:
1) supported me as who I was, instead of trying to change my "sensitivity." Modeled emotional intelligence after educating themselves on this topic (they were not emotionally prepared or tuned in to themselves). Helped me understand that others may have different or less intense feelings.
2) Understanding I wasn't being "difficult", "perverse" (my mom's worst word for me), " a drama queen." My "tantrums" (another hated word) were likely meltdowns. I spent ages 11-20 dissociated and in shutdown mode and developed an eating disorder, sex/love addiction, and a unhealthy attitude towards work and physical activity as a direct result of trauma.
3) let me change schools when I was getting bullied and got me help with conflicts and social stuff in school. If the adhd medication I now take had been available, it would have helped me with the emotional stuff.
4) NOT put me in the gifted and talented program, as they recruited kids from the whole district, leaving me alone and floundering in middle school.
5) NOT "given up on me." (My mom's words)
6) some kind of sport that didn't involve balls, running, or mean coaches or pressure.
I understand society wasn't that far along and I am one of the lost generations, but I have a lot of grief around this. Probably the research that's being done now would have saved me from constant burnout over the course of my life.
Positive aspects:
1) I think more quickly than most people I know (except my younger kid who's being assessed for autism (at age 10) abs can grasp complex topics, process information, think laterally, and analyze ideas easily and at speed. BUT I need motivation and distraction, including opportunities to multitask.
2) as I found out in my assessment, my adhd and autism actually work together at times to give me useful skills like working extremely quickly and accurately
3) I'm extremely empathetic. This can be difficult at times but if I am calm and feeling safe I can really feel for and with others. I may not show it but it's there and I've had meaningful connections with people in my life.
4) the social justice aspect. I'm extremely aware of unfair and unjust situations, again, perhaps to a fault, but I can smell a rat long before others do. My son is like this too.
5) my intuition is incredibly strong, when I trust myself and am able to communicate effectively.
Hope this helps - you sound like great parents and your kid is lucky to have you! Remember that's a hard age too.
I was only diagnosed as autistic last year at age 48.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at ages 4, 28, and again last year at age 48. I'm finally on ADHD medication and finally able to regulate my emotions for the first time in my life.
I was subjected to numerous tests in kindergarten and 1st grade and labeled "highly gifted."
Now after the longest autistic burnout of my life, I regularly experience mutism and am currently on long term medical leave from work.
I'm currently in a clinic for trauma and burnout and doing a lot of reflection.
Things I wish my parents had done:
1) supported me as who I was, instead of trying to change my "sensitivity." Modeled emotional intelligence after educating themselves on this topic (they were not emotionally prepared or tuned in to themselves). Helped me understand that others may have different or less intense feelings.
2) Understanding I wasn't being "difficult", "perverse" (my mom's worst word for me), " a drama queen." My "tantrums" (another hated word) were likely meltdowns. I spent ages 11-20 dissociated and in shutdown mode and developed an eating disorder, sex/love addiction, and a unhealthy attitude towards work and physical activity as a direct result of trauma.
3) let me change schools when I was getting bullied and got me help with conflicts and social stuff in school. If the adhd medication I now take had been available, it would have helped me with the emotional stuff.
4) NOT put me in the gifted and talented program, as they recruited kids from the whole district, leaving me alone and floundering in middle school.
5) NOT "given up on me." (My mom's words)
6) some kind of sport that didn't involve balls, running, or mean coaches or pressure.
I understand society wasn't that far along and I am one of the lost generations, but I have a lot of grief around this. Probably the research that's being done now would have saved me from constant burnout over the course of my life.
Positive aspects:
1) I think more quickly than most people I know (except my younger kid who's being assessed for autism (at age 10) abs can grasp complex topics, process information, think laterally, and analyze ideas easily and at speed. BUT I need motivation and distraction, including opportunities to multitask.
2) as I found out in my assessment, my adhd and autism actually work together at times to give me useful skills like working extremely quickly and accurately
3) I'm extremely empathetic. This can be difficult at times but if I am calm and feeling safe I can really feel for and with others. I may not show it but it's there and I've had meaningful connections with people in my life.
4) the social justice aspect. I'm extremely aware of unfair and unjust situations, again, perhaps to a fault, but I can smell a rat long before others do. My son is like this too.
5) my intuition is incredibly strong, when I trust myself and am able to communicate effectively.
Hope this helps - you sound like great parents and your kid is lucky to have you! Remember that's a hard age too.
aegisheart
New member
@brodon First of all, wishing you all the best! I hope you can take the time off and recover. Burnout is a bitch.
In regards to your first point, can you explain what kind of support you would need? We're hoping to expose our son to situations he will face in life but also give him tools to deal with them. Talking about how people feel things differently is a very good point.
Ad 2) we've reframed tantrums as meltdowns but also he's 3, so tantrums are kind of expected, too. This isn't so much my issue, but my husband's. He's reading the comments here, too, but I'll point yours out to him.
3) we can't do without some MAJOR issues. We're bound by our district with little chance of change until high school. That's one of the reasons we worry when to send him there at all.
There's no way we can give up on him. I'm so sorry you were ever told that. No person should ever hear that.
6) he loves balls haha but yes, only kind coaches! That's so important. We've been thinking about signing him up for karate in a few years. Our friends have an autistic toddler and their social worker highly recommended that. It's a group activity but also independent. It requires you to sit calmly, focus and follow instructions. It also teaches assertiveness and self-defense, the latter being a nice plus.
You sound like an incredible and strong person, despite growing up when neurodivergence wasn't treated too kindly.
In regards to your first point, can you explain what kind of support you would need? We're hoping to expose our son to situations he will face in life but also give him tools to deal with them. Talking about how people feel things differently is a very good point.
Ad 2) we've reframed tantrums as meltdowns but also he's 3, so tantrums are kind of expected, too. This isn't so much my issue, but my husband's. He's reading the comments here, too, but I'll point yours out to him.
3) we can't do without some MAJOR issues. We're bound by our district with little chance of change until high school. That's one of the reasons we worry when to send him there at all.
There's no way we can give up on him. I'm so sorry you were ever told that. No person should ever hear that.
6) he loves balls haha but yes, only kind coaches! That's so important. We've been thinking about signing him up for karate in a few years. Our friends have an autistic toddler and their social worker highly recommended that. It's a group activity but also independent. It requires you to sit calmly, focus and follow instructions. It also teaches assertiveness and self-defense, the latter being a nice plus.
You sound like an incredible and strong person, despite growing up when neurodivergence wasn't treated too kindly.
@aegisheart I relate a lot to all the above points.
With my kids we try to bring awareness to what’s happening in our bodies and find healthy ways to express it. I’m a big fan of Dr Becky and themompsychologist on ig concerning navigating emotional intelligence.
I consciously provide sensory stimulation to our toddler to help him manage his energy better. With our middle schooler we talk a lot about recognizing overstimulation and then working it out or taking a break with Something That Feels Good. There are a million fidget toys in our house.
I was placed in a gifted program in first grade. My parents were told numerous times in elementary and middle school that I should skip a couple grades. I LOVED my elementary gifted program. It provided an outlet for me to delve into special interests and big, creative projects. I’m not a big fan of our daughters gifted program, as they just pull her out for an hour a week and it seems more like an interruption than a routine part of her education.
I never skipped grades, but I was always in honors and gifted level courses. In high school I passed the graduation tests in 10th grade and had the opportunity to graduate a couple years early, but I opted to stay with my peers and take electives as opposed to cramming my schedule with core classes to fulfill grad requirements early. If I didn’t have challenging classes to take, I may have opted to graduate early to move on.
With my kids we try to bring awareness to what’s happening in our bodies and find healthy ways to express it. I’m a big fan of Dr Becky and themompsychologist on ig concerning navigating emotional intelligence.
I consciously provide sensory stimulation to our toddler to help him manage his energy better. With our middle schooler we talk a lot about recognizing overstimulation and then working it out or taking a break with Something That Feels Good. There are a million fidget toys in our house.
I was placed in a gifted program in first grade. My parents were told numerous times in elementary and middle school that I should skip a couple grades. I LOVED my elementary gifted program. It provided an outlet for me to delve into special interests and big, creative projects. I’m not a big fan of our daughters gifted program, as they just pull her out for an hour a week and it seems more like an interruption than a routine part of her education.
I never skipped grades, but I was always in honors and gifted level courses. In high school I passed the graduation tests in 10th grade and had the opportunity to graduate a couple years early, but I opted to stay with my peers and take electives as opposed to cramming my schedule with core classes to fulfill grad requirements early. If I didn’t have challenging classes to take, I may have opted to graduate early to move on.
@aegisheart Thanks! Glad to be helpful.
I wish people had simply taught me about feelings. My mom modeled fake happiness (it was California, after all) and explosive anger. My feelings are so intense that I'm only now learning how to figure out what the tsunami in me is. My son sometimes gets sad, and I just hold him and let him talk if he needs it.
My older kid (13, non binary, likely ADHD) is more like your kid sounds, and we try to give them room for their feelings and not escalate their frequent meltdowns. I think we did some stuff wrong when they were littler; they didn't sleep and we were exhausted most of the time. They are still challenging, but lovely and fun.
My likely autistic son thrives in martial arts for exactly the reasons you mention. He also likes riding his bike and climbing and playing outside. When he's active outdoors, he has fewer accidents and injuries; I'm the same.
It's really hard to parent well when you're overwhelmed; I can feel compassion for my mom but am working actively to undo that trauma. Being honest with our kids and with ourselves seems crucial.
Good luck!
I wish people had simply taught me about feelings. My mom modeled fake happiness (it was California, after all) and explosive anger. My feelings are so intense that I'm only now learning how to figure out what the tsunami in me is. My son sometimes gets sad, and I just hold him and let him talk if he needs it.
My older kid (13, non binary, likely ADHD) is more like your kid sounds, and we try to give them room for their feelings and not escalate their frequent meltdowns. I think we did some stuff wrong when they were littler; they didn't sleep and we were exhausted most of the time. They are still challenging, but lovely and fun.
My likely autistic son thrives in martial arts for exactly the reasons you mention. He also likes riding his bike and climbing and playing outside. When he's active outdoors, he has fewer accidents and injuries; I'm the same.
It's really hard to parent well when you're overwhelmed; I can feel compassion for my mom but am working actively to undo that trauma. Being honest with our kids and with ourselves seems crucial.
Good luck!
@aegisheart Someone else already said it but I would not let him skip any grades just because he doesn't sound emotionally mature enough. Kindergarten/first grade should be able to give him harder school work while still in the classroom with his peers.
Just keep helping him with his strengths and weaknesses. You can help to teach him to read and do simple math before he starts school. You will also need to work on his emotional regulation and sensory issues. That's just normal three year old behavior. You can't treat him like he is five because developmentally, he is still three.
Just keep helping him with his strengths and weaknesses. You can help to teach him to read and do simple math before he starts school. You will also need to work on his emotional regulation and sensory issues. That's just normal three year old behavior. You can't treat him like he is five because developmentally, he is still three.
aegisheart
New member
@keekjaci There's a lot of consensus against skipping grades. We apparently need to meet with some government agency if he's gifted to get recommendations what to do but I'd rather have more than one opinion. I'd love some sources to back what people are saying because I tend to cave before doctors and experts (not to discredit your opinion; there doesn't seem to be that much research in this area).
It's so easy to forget he's 3. I'm going to have to have a long conversation about this with my husband.
It's so easy to forget he's 3. I'm going to have to have a long conversation about this with my husband.