How to handle a kid hitting your kid?

[niccole2011]

I'm at Chick FIL A today with 4/o daughter who is playing with some kids and a 7ish year old boy in the play area. They are laughing and playing tag and hide and go seek. Inbetween rounds they are standing and talking and the 7 y/o boy slapped her arm hard my daughter immediately started crying. I was in the play area and told him no that he, shouldn't hit, and to apologize, which he did. All the other kids scolded him too.

I took my daughter out of the area to console her and after she finished her chocolate milk and dried her eyes, she wanted to go back to the play area. We talked about how no one should hit.

The other boys dad is in the play area now and when the kids are off playing I mention the story above as a "just so you should know" I do it in a non threatening way and used nice language. The other dad wasn't in the play area at the time, but could probably see through the glass.

The other dad essentially came back with "equal rights equal fights" saying he was sure my daughter had hit first. I explained that before his son slapped they had been playing tag, but that tag was over when he had hit and that they had been standing in a still circle talking when the hit occured, that I was 3 feet away, my daughter had never touched his son. The other dad spoke in a rather rude tone and while I forget his exact words let me know that he didn't care and it was probably an earned slap and my blood started to boil. I asked if he was ok with an older boy hitting a 4 year old and he left the play area.

I'm still so mad about the exchange. I obviously don't want to start a brawl in the chic FIL A play area, but how do you all deal with A: other dad's like this and B: the emotions that follow? I feel like I failed my daughter in someway that this other kid will likely go on hitting girls half his age and mad that this dad couldn't offer some form of apology.

TLDR: y/o boy slapped my 4 y/o making her cry and when confronting other parent about it told my daughter probably earned it.

Edit
I really can't thank you all enough for sharing your own stories. I'm glad I didn't lose control over my emotions - I posted this to vent instead and it helped to write out the experience. I'll admit immediately following the experience I had fragile masculinity/bruised ego because I didn't become more aggressive if that makes sense. Now that I'm further out and have read all of your views, I'm glad it stopped where it did and I did right and set a good example for my daughter.

Lesson learned: if any of you are in a situation where your blood boils remember you won't be able to help your kid if you are jailed/hospitalized/or dead. It's best to keep control and leave the situation.

Thank you again Daddit and good luck to all of us out there!

 

[worldwidesadie]

@niccole2011 It seems like you handled it right

 

[niccole2011]

@worldwidesadie Thank you. I took her on a bike ride before bed and she said "best day ever" which she says on a lot of days, but it meant more today knowing she wasn't ruminating on it.

 

[wanikum]

@niccole2011 First, you definitely handled this right, the boy was completely out of line and you weren’t undue-ly harsh with a strangers kid. Second, if your daughter says “best day ever” on a lot of days with you… you’re killing it. I don’t know if you needed to hear that, but I think we all do sometimes!

 

[smitty1038]

@niccole2011 That's a learned behavior, I think you know where he learned it from.

 

[batterydave]

@smitty1038 Next time op should just say this

 

[katrina2017]

@niccole2011 Great values there

 

[rosielass]

@worldwidesadie I mean he could have punched the dad and followed up with "equal rights, equal fights" but that's probably better to be left as a mental image. And what OP actually did is better

 

[abba_fada]

@worldwidesadie Agreed. OP handled the situation perfectly. The boy's dad was a dick.

 

[ridgerunner0]

@niccole2011

The other dad essentially came back with "equal rights equal fights" saying he was sure my daughter had hit first.

Wonder where the kid learned it from.

I'm still so mad about the exchange. I obviously don't want to start a brawl in the chic FIL A play area, but how do you all deal with A: other dad's like this

You don't. Golden rule when out with your kids is never escalate and always de-escalate or remove yourself from a sticky situation. People like that aren't worth your time and are too ignorant to take heed of a lesson from a stranger.

B: the emotions that follow?

Focus on your daughter and let her distract you. Eventually it'll slide.

I feel like I failed my daughter in someway that this other kid will likely go on hitting girls half his age and mad that this dad couldn't offer some form of apology.

Na king you didn't fail her. You also can't raise someone else's child so don't put that extra pressure on yourself. But always avoid confrontation. I probably wouldn't have carried on the discussion with that dad after that first response.

 

[holydude]

@ridgerunner0 Such great advice. I got secondhand anger reading OP’s story.

 

[caroller]

@holydude Same here. Who hears that their 7 year old was hitting little girls half their age and says “obviously your preschooler started it” ? Not to be my mother but I don’t CARE who started it, raising emotionally regulated humans means DE ESCALATING ALWAYS, self defense is “they won’t listen to verbal attempts or self removal, and will not stop the violence, I am literally being forced to hit them in order to stop them hitting, not going for revenge, not being petty, no eye for an eye because it blinds the world, purely to make it stop and NOTHING more”

Do they expect to raise future partners, emergency responders, law enforcement, lawmakers, parents, etc etc etc like this??

 

[stardustypsyche]

@caroller Thank you for saying this. Self defense is a last resort because the outcomes are always unknown. You could be the most skilled fighter I'm the world and the other party could have a gun, a knife, or a bunch of friends that you don't know about. Even if you win, you could end up injured or liable for damages depending on the legal environment you find yourself in. De-escalation and / or removal from the situation is a better option.

 

[caroller]

@stardustypsyche Exactly. Throwing punches is fun and games till somebody has a weapon that escalates the danger level. We don’t live in a “fistfight and it’s over” world anymore, there are more guns than people in America. I own guns myself but it seems like a lotta gun owners nowadays don’t possess the old school non-violence I echoed previously, see :doorbell shootings, hide and seek shootings, road rage shootings, “you’re taking too long at the ATM” gun pulling, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING aside from when it’s legitimately deathly necessary is worth human life.

 

[niccole2011]

@ridgerunner0 Thanks for the kind words and the wisdom. Reflecting on it I shouldn't have engaged as far as I did, I was honestly surprised to get a response other than "sorry, I'll talk to him".

 

[animeizgud]

@ridgerunner0 Really good advice. You never know what sort of parent is on the other side. They could be anything from quite normal to absolute bonkers. They could be knife-wielding clowns that have murdered people for all you know.

De-escalation is the best policy, and if you can't, get yourself out of the situation! It's just simply not worth it to deal with strangers' kids.

 

[gutti]

@ridgerunner0 Yeah. I agree with this. Maybe I’m a pacifist, but nowadays people are just crazy. I will typically try to remove myself from any situation that could escalate into confrontation. You jus let never know when you’ll run into some crazy person with a firearm.

 

[katchit]

@ridgerunner0 I’ve never heard “equal rights equal fights” before but that sounds like it’s proudly broadcasting a sexiest, prejudiced worldview.

Once you hear that kind of hateful language you gotta shut down the emotional part of your brain and go into full de-escalation mode because there’s no fixing that kind of stupid and he was probably hoping for a fight.

OP you did great, I’m sure better than I would have.

 

[ridgerunner0]

@katchit I've heard a variant "equal rights and equal lefts". Admittedly it was something we said as edgy teenagers but thankfully we got out of that phase unlike that other dad.

 

[katrina2017]

@ridgerunner0 Great advice.

OP, I know there’s a part of you that wish you’d been more aggressive or escalated , (maybe a part of you wanted to smack him too!) to defend your daughter, but that’s just the man-brain talking.

If it’d become a scene, it would have stuck with your daughter like it stuck with you. But instead you got her out of the situation, moved on and allowed her (if not you) to forget about it and enjoy the day! Great job! You did right, and I hope if I’m in that situation I handle it the same way.