How do you not get hung up on what other babies are able to do?

[ashleymerryman]

@asalia207 I’m a mom to a 9 month old. I have mom friends who had babies around the same time and some of them are relatively “ahead” and others “behind” my baby in terms of various milestones. So your baby is doing everything except crawling yet. Big whoop. A lot of babies never crawl and just skip it and go straight to walking. It’s not even a milestone technically anymore. Some of my mom friends seem to want to think their babies are superior to mine because they started crawling at 7 months and mine didn’t but I think it’s total BS. People will look to anything to compete with especially their children. I’m sure some of these people will still be bragging at cocktail parties that their kid walked at 8 months. I can think of few things more meaningless. Do your kid a favor and don’t buy into it. Wait until they’re applying to colleges at least.

All this said please help your wife. Reassure her she’s a great mom. Look at all you have already done to support your child! And take some pressure off, it seems like your baby is doing wonderfully. Try to enjoy his stages. He will learn to walk. Why spend all the time now jealous that he’s not when it’s not even developmentally considered delayed until he’s 18 months? Rest assured that research shows when babies hit these milestones within the very wide range of normal is meaningless. Maybe the chances a baby becomes a professional soccer player is slightly increased if they are early walkers from like 1 in 10 million to 1 in 9.5 million. But for the vast vast majority of us it indicates literally NOTHING.

I am so fired up about this subject because I’m in the thick of it now too and there are a lot of people around me wanting to compare or feeling good or bad about themselves and their babies because of a few weeks difference in army crawling and it makes me want to scream.

There is so much pressure on new parents especially moms. I often feel like I’m failing in general. Please let this one go and help support your wife to do so too.

 

[asalia207]

@ashleymerryman I’m very pro-mom; my dad taught me through his lack of commitment and absence, the type of father I want to be. My mom taught me through her sacrifices, tenacity, and all encompassing love, the type of parent I want to be.

My wife is a wonderful mom, truth be told she is the worrier of the two of us. This morning she had a rough morning with feeling like she isn’t doing enough or “failing” her son. She works her butt off, 7 days on, 7 days off and I end up spending longer stretches with our son and I think she feels like she’s missing out because of her 80 hour work week. I appreciate it and am going to brainstorm some ways to reassure her.

 

[maverick1]

@asalia207 Albert Einstein didn't start talking till he was past 3 years old. Milestones happen in various orders for various kids and have little to no predictive power for future results. All that matters is your kiddo feels safe and loved and gets lots of attention. If all that's happening everything else will come in time.

 

[cocoamoteddy]

@asalia207 You shouldn't be worried, and it sounds like your son is hitting the milestones. Our daughter didn't crawl really until just shy of 1, bear crawled for a month then just stood up and took off. Kids all go at different paces, especially in the first couple years. We had friends who were starting to walk at 9 months, and she had classmates that still weren't walking well after a year. Totally get where you're coming from though, as every parent wants their kid to thrive.

 

[asalia207]

@cocoamoteddy Yesss!!! Thank you! I tried to write the original post to not make it seem like I’m not proud of my son or upset that he’s not accomplishing things. I’m so proud of him and so happy that he’s happy and healthy (and sleeps 9 hours a night).

 

[noideawhatiamdoing]

@asalia207 My 8-year-old still can’t ride a bike. But she’s a yellow belt. There are lots of skills in the world and each little human picks what they want to work on.

 

[togetherly]

@asalia207 Personally I try not to compare myself to a baby since it sets the bar kinda low

 

[adamgill1999]

@asalia207 Comparison is a thief of joy. I repeat, comparison is a thief of joy.

Our son had a similar start to life with being born 2-3 weeks early and needing light therapy. I eventually fell into this trap a little early on, like worrying he wasn't rolling soon enough, or crawling soon enough. A coworker had his son a month after mine and he started doing something sooner than my son and I felt bad. And then I just realized, this shit doesn't matter. There's no hard timeline for any of this. There are general guidelines, but exceptions don't mean much of anything. Now he's 22 months and talking in sentences and asking me to go play in his room.

You will look back one day and see how silly you're being. Just breathe. Y'all are doin it and so is your kid. Just be patient. Have faith. Be strong for your kid.

 

[babyfever]

@asalia207 Someone said the kids are like popcorn cliche to us with our first one and that’s dead on. They’ll grow up and do things see their own pace when they’re ready and it’s really just in you to give them the space and enable them when they’re ready.

I get how you’re feeling, it’s totally normal, especially in the social media world we find ourselves in. Just stay the course dad and try not to worry for the time being. There will be endless milestones for them between now and when you’re gone, try not to get focused so much on the race.

 

[thechoiceisyours]

@asalia207 I don't know what other babies and children can do, so it's easy.

 

[eugenepalmer]

@asalia207 Father of four here. My first born was walking at 6 months old. Talking in sentences at just over a year old. My third born didn’t say a word at 18 months! Nothing! Was a bad parent?! Is there something wrong with him?!

All those worries are normal when you are trying to compare kids that haven’t really started growing up yet.

My eldest is doing just fine. All of them are, just using these two as they were very different experiences from new born to toddlers. My third born is reading and writing 4 grade levels above his peers. Throws a better spiral than his older brother. And this might, and probably will, change.

It’s not a race. It’s a marathon.

 

[kabodjoy]

@asalia207 I am a father of six, ages 28-years-old to 15 months. Everyone of them developed at their own rate and no two of them hit the same milestones at the same time.

My three oldest are adults and doing pretty good for young adults, my teenager is getting good grades and trying to decide on a college, the two youngest are just being kids.

As long as your child is reaching his milestones in the general time frame he's expected to, you have nothing to worry about. Stop comparing him to one specific kid.

 

[lizzielou]

@asalia207 My nephew was 3 months younger than my daughter. They started walking the same week. But he crashed into everything and anything she would walk up to an obstacle, delicately maneuver over it, and continue without any falls. They’re just…different. She’s a librarian. He enlisted into the Navy because he knew he needed to have some structure pounded into his head. Now he’s an aerospace engineer. They’re just… different.

 

[fath]

@asalia207 My best friend growing up didn’t walk or talk til he was about 4. He ended up being valedictorian and was easily the smartest person I’ve ever met.

My youngest is special needs and I struggled with her milestones for awhile. Do everything you can for your kid, and try to not compare. All of our specialists tell us to not compare with others, it will only make you upset. Some kids go at different paces, as long as they are progressing that is all that matters.

 

[meganoodles]

@asalia207 Honestly helped me to think about the distributions attached to each new skill - just because person x's 9 month old could do skill z doesn't tell me anything, a distribution exists for all these skills, and a real human marks each tail.

Hang in there - it's hard but we don't get anywhere comparing our own / our children's specific skill sets to others.

 

[mamabee24]

@asalia207 I just don’t think too much about it. My son is doing alright on most milestones besides his physical stuff. Our pediatrician is very highly rated and has shown no concern. Funny he was born full term at just over 6 pounds, and then by the 3 months checkup he was 99th percentile for his age and has stayed there and is currently 17 months old.

He didn’t roll until 7 months, and didn’t crawl until almost a year. He’s been doing pull to stand for a bit, but can’t get the hang of balancing to stand unassisted. Probably has to do with the fact he’s almost 3 feet tall and 30 pounds lol

My friend had a baby 6 months after my son was born and she hit several physical milestones before he did lmao like she was crawling before him and standing before him. I should place bets on which is gonna start walking first because they’re both close!

 

[starlight541]

@mamabee24

Funny he was born full term at just over 6 pounds, and then by the 3 months checkup he was 99th percentile for his age and has stayed there and is currently 17 months old.

Ha, my daughter was born in the 99th percentile for height and weight, and by her 3 month checkup she was in the 40th percentile. By the 6 month checkup she was in the 20th, and she's stayed there ever since (23 months now). I was worried at first, but her growth was very consistent and our pediatrician was totally unconcerned, and I was a small baby too so it's probably genetic. It's crazy how much babies can change as they grow!

Probably has to do with the fact he’s almost 3 feet tall and 30 pounds lol

Yeah, I bet!! Can you imagine learning to walk for the first time when you're already that tall?? When my daughter was learning to walk there was only like half a foot between her butt and the ground, so she had no fear!

 

[metaman]

@asalia207 Because my kids are ethe best at everything, obviously.

 

[janehenry]

@asalia207 A baby deer can walk just hours after birth. How many deer do see walking around solving the mysteries of the universe, forging business enterprises, or even making reality TV shows?

How early milestones are met bears no reflection on future potential.

 

[sandraqx10]

@asalia207 There's a theory: there are sunflower kids, and orchid kids.

Sunflower kids grow to enormous heights, pretty much on their own, they're hardy, they thrive with very basic input.

Orchid kids at the other end of the garden spectrum require specific conditions in order to thrive, sometimes grow slowly and bloom rarely. They're high-maintenance and 10x the work and worry of a sunflower.

Most importantly, you can't compare orchids to sunflowers.

Premie babies can take a year to catch up to their peers and doing so means they're developing faster than other kids because they started behind the 8 ball.

Focus on your individual kid, bond with them, try not to compare or worry.