@asalia207 I have twins and both babies are totally different and developing in totally opposite ways. Which told me that it doesn't really matter what I do and it's semi/mostly random.
How do you not get hung up on what other babies are able to do?
@asalia207 My pediatrician once said to me, “babies always forget to read the book on when they should be hitting milestones”. You know your son, and if he’s happy and healthy then it seems like you’re knocking it out of the park.
@asalia207 Remember that the "book" is means and medians, that reflect mean and median circumstances. Real life is a spectrum.
mikefordii
New member
@asalia207 We had triplets (6 weeks adjusted, now 4yo). They've struggled with milestones but we've been lucky to get them into early preschool programs to help. I would recommend talking to your doctor and if you feel there is enough of a need, explore any programs in your area that can help.
Aside from that, just be patient. Your child will grow at their pace and every kid is different. For example, two of the triplets didn't start waking until 2yo and the third at 3. In every case it was just a matter of them deciding they had enough and to start to walk. But I also believe some of it had to do with getting them around other kids their age so they can see examples of what they should be doing at their age. Even their little sister (the fourth child) stubbornly didn't walk until almost 2 and then just one day decided "I'm walking now".
The most important thing to do is keep up the hard work, keep reaching out for help, but don't view your child's lack of development as a personal failure. I know that's hard to do, but in time you'll realize they will grow and be every part the kid they need to be.
And like everyone else says, go watch the Bluey episode "Baby Race". It'll help.
Aside from that, just be patient. Your child will grow at their pace and every kid is different. For example, two of the triplets didn't start waking until 2yo and the third at 3. In every case it was just a matter of them deciding they had enough and to start to walk. But I also believe some of it had to do with getting them around other kids their age so they can see examples of what they should be doing at their age. Even their little sister (the fourth child) stubbornly didn't walk until almost 2 and then just one day decided "I'm walking now".
The most important thing to do is keep up the hard work, keep reaching out for help, but don't view your child's lack of development as a personal failure. I know that's hard to do, but in time you'll realize they will grow and be every part the kid they need to be.
And like everyone else says, go watch the Bluey episode "Baby Race". It'll help.
ashleymerryman
New member
@mikefordii This is a great answer in general but with respect OP’s baby has no lack of development. They are jealous that their baby isn’t hitting ALL milestones on the earlier side of normal and feeling like failures and they need to snap out of it and everyone will be a lot happier.
mikefordii
New member
@ashleymerryman 
no offense meant. I misread. Just hope my story helps lend perspective.
no offense meant. I misread. Just hope my story helps lend perspective.@mikefordii I love this, I’m actually a twin myself and my brother and I always had each other. I’ve been picking my mom’s brain a bit on who did what first, but really she only cared that we were healthy (after being born premature).
Funny enough, our son seems to have no interest in crawling, but I think chasing the dog will eventually convince him. I appreciate the support!
Funny enough, our son seems to have no interest in crawling, but I think chasing the dog will eventually convince him. I appreciate the support!
mikefordii
New member
@asalia207 That's so cool!
Yeah. Triplet #3 didn't even crawl for the longest time and instead her chosen mode of transportation was rolling around. We ended up having to do a lot of physical therapy to help her out, but even then she only started walking when she finally decided it was time. Stubborn kid.
Yeah. Triplet #3 didn't even crawl for the longest time and instead her chosen mode of transportation was rolling around. We ended up having to do a lot of physical therapy to help her out, but even then she only started walking when she finally decided it was time. Stubborn kid.
lostandinsecure
New member
@asalia207 My nephew is 6 days older than my twin boys. My boys were born 3 months premature. My nephew did everything on time, and therefore first, until they were all a year old. My boys then walked first and used words first.
These days (2.5 years old), my nephew has a language delay and my boys are exactly average. But my nephew can jump and my twins can't. My boys sleep better because we sleep trained, but my nephew eats a LOT better.
All this to say, there will always be comparisons, someone always has to be first, but if you let the comparisons steal your joy or your ability to be present and celebrate your kids successes, then you're losing.
A lot of developmental changes happen in the first year, and you have to celebrate the successes without spending your energy on comparing your kid to someone else's. If you and your partner can't do that, then I recommend therapy.
These days (2.5 years old), my nephew has a language delay and my boys are exactly average. But my nephew can jump and my twins can't. My boys sleep better because we sleep trained, but my nephew eats a LOT better.
All this to say, there will always be comparisons, someone always has to be first, but if you let the comparisons steal your joy or your ability to be present and celebrate your kids successes, then you're losing.
A lot of developmental changes happen in the first year, and you have to celebrate the successes without spending your energy on comparing your kid to someone else's. If you and your partner can't do that, then I recommend therapy.
ashleymerryman
New member
@lostandinsecure This is a great answer.
dougbillie
New member
@dougbillie OP, watch this^
prodigalchild87
New member
jjamieson523
New member
@asalia207 Forget the outside world. Your baby is reality for you right now and you're doing your job. No need to use a mental tape measure for progress. He doesn't care and if he was magically able to speak, text, tweet, post or make a tik tok he'd only ask if you guys loved him.
Keep up the good work. All the best.
Keep up the good work. All the best.
stephenie46
New member
@asalia207 I remember feeling exactly like this too - in my case, one of my friend’s babies seemed to be way ahead of my son on lots of ‘milestones’ despite being a month younger. I worried we were not doing things ‘right’.
Fast forward a couple of years and I haven’t even thought about that in a long time - and actually my son is quite a lot more advanced than my friends kid in terms of language and just general social ability. I think different kids develop through different stages at different speeds!
All of which is to say - I think it’s a perfectly natural way to feel, but as long as there’s nothing clinically noteworthy or your doc isn’t worried, there’s nothing to worry about! You’ll probably forget all about it by the time they’re older…
Fast forward a couple of years and I haven’t even thought about that in a long time - and actually my son is quite a lot more advanced than my friends kid in terms of language and just general social ability. I think different kids develop through different stages at different speeds!
All of which is to say - I think it’s a perfectly natural way to feel, but as long as there’s nothing clinically noteworthy or your doc isn’t worried, there’s nothing to worry about! You’ll probably forget all about it by the time they’re older…
@stephenie46 I feel like this has been the most down to earth response so far. The first year is full of so many firsts for our son and us; my wife is the worrying one and I’m more of the go with the flow type. I just want her to realize that everything is normal and as it should be! Thank you so much for your response.
djpauleypaul
New member
@asalia207 My son had two cousins born within weeks of him. They all progressed at very different rates. For one cousin (who was actually born on the exact same day), they could barely crawl when my son started to pull up on things. By the time my son could walk, his cousin had mastered crawling, pulling up, walking, and was starting to run!
There is no measuring stick. And you are only going to notice the things that others do better, and probably ignore many of the things your child does better.
There is no measuring stick. And you are only going to notice the things that others do better, and probably ignore many of the things your child does better.
servewithlove
New member
@asalia207 Just realize it’s not a race. If one kid crawls at 8 months and your kid at 11 months who gives a crap? It’s not like a future employer is going to ask “So when did you start crawling as if it’s 8 months or earlier we can’t hire you”.
robster1981
New member
@asalia207 Every child develops at different speeds and you rarely can even get two differently sourced development charts that agree on the same points.
They're helpful guides. All you can do is try your best and your kid will get there. Their delay or whichever else isn't evidence of you not trying but simply of the timeline your new one, who cannot yet tell time, is working on. If your medical professionals aren't worried, why are you about medical issues (development is arguably medical)?
They're helpful guides. All you can do is try your best and your kid will get there. Their delay or whichever else isn't evidence of you not trying but simply of the timeline your new one, who cannot yet tell time, is working on. If your medical professionals aren't worried, why are you about medical issues (development is arguably medical)?
@asalia207 My daughter just started walking at 16 months. Some kids walk at 9. Everyone's different. Did I wonder if there was something wrong? Yes. Is she OK? Yes.
You'll think those thoughts, just don't let them overwhelm you.
You'll think those thoughts, just don't let them overwhelm you.