My baby has been feeding to sleep since birth. She’s 4.5 months now. She was sleeping through the night until 3.5 months and since feeding to sleep was working so well we didn’t make any effort to change it.
I’m worried we’ll never get out of the 4 month sleep regression if I don’t do something.
I am not capable of CIO. It’s not for us. I could potentially leave her to cry for a couple of minutes if it would make a difference but not much longer.
If I try to put her down drowsy but awake she cries instantly. The only way to calm her down again is to feed. Rocking, patting shushing etc don’t ease the crying.
I don’t know how to get her to sleep without feeding when everything I try just makes her cry.
TIA
EDIT: I just want to say how much I appreciate all these comments. I feel so reassured that this is normal and that I’m not doing anything wrong
@allfree15 I kind of did the opposite of you—started strong with breaking the association then around 9mo just thought “fuck it, it’s natural” and feed to sleep now for naps and nights. And you know what? Zero difference in her sleep. No better or worse either way. The only difference is it’s SO much easier using the boob. Wish I’d been doing it the whole time.
@jjsbergy Similar, but I only lasted a few months before I started nursing to sleep around 8 weeks, no regrets we are going 10 months strong and it’s so easy. I will say I don’t travel for work or anything and I WFH so it’s so easy to just step away from whatever I’m doing anytime she needs to go down
@allfree15 Don't worry. Nobody ever met a teenager who still feeds to sleep.
It is biologically normal to feed to sleep at 4.5 months old.
If it is actively causing a problem for you RIGHT NOW (and not because you're worried because books say it is a problem) then you could work on habit stacking which is building up other sleep cues like rocking, patting, music, a soother, a lovey etc. Then you can later lean on these to reduce the feeding. IME though, short term, these other methods are more effort than feeding.
But it's also fine just to keep going - they do stop eventually (usually around 2 years). If you want it to stop earlier than this then you'll need to put some effort in to create a plan.
@cutin Have you had any success with habit stacking? I’ve been patting and shushing while feeding since my original post (18 days) but she won’t let me stop the feed early and finish by patting and shushing yet. Maybe I need to give it longer? I’d just like it if feeding to sleep isn’t the only way to get her to sleep (aside from pram/car which isn’t that practical for night sleep).
@allfree15 I think it takes longer than that. I did find that I wasn't very good at being consistent with things like ssshing and patting because it was just adding in more things for me to do, but stuff like establishing a set place and time and position etc for the bedtime feed was helpful.
There is a book called the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley which describes a method called "the Pantley Pull Off" where you basically try to delatch them, then wait, then they will either resist or desist and relax. If they are still resisting after you wait then just feed them again. But after a while you'll get better at figuring out when you'll get that desist and relax step, and that means that their last moments of falling asleep are without a boob in their mouth.
Personally though I just went with feeding to sleep - I honestly did not really have any success at that age with other methods in the middle of the night and I prioritised what got me back to sleep fastest. I think you can end up stressing more about trying to get them to go to sleep without feeding with not much success and it can be easier just to embrace it (but I am a very path of least resistance kind of person!)
@cutin Thank you! I appreciate your advice
I am willing to give it longer. I’m pretty consistent with the sh and pat unless it’s the middle of the night.
I actually just got that book from my library yesterday. I tried the de latch approx 5 times. I probably should have given it longer but I knew that if I tried to delatch again she would root and fuss and open her eyes, but if I put her in her bassinet she would just sort of open her eyes, turn her head and go to sleep. So I delatched as I placed her in the bassinet which is what I always do. She always sort of opens her eyes for a moment but then goes off to sleep. If I try to delatch while I’m holding her she gets upset. So I’m not really sure if these other methods will work for us or if I should maybe just try again in a month or so. I am wondering if maybe I should just slowly decrease the time I spend feeding and put her in her bassinet slightly earlier every night?
We are also about to start having arms out so that might change everything .
@allfree15 Sleep training is a money grabbing industry. Other countries don’t place so much emphasis on sleep training. It ties back to our terrible maternity leave (can’t work if you’re tired!). My 12 month old was nursed to bed every night until I weaned on his birthday. He now falls asleep on his own. Don’t stress about it.
@francoisakafran Exact same outcome here. I was so stressed about whether feeding to sleep was the wrong thing, but it's the only way baby fell asleep easily and I weaned her with barely a complaint at 13 months.
@francoisakafran I’m currently at 11 months and my baby feeds to sleep. Can you shed some light on how you got your baby to break the feed to sleep association and how weaning went if you don’t mind please?
@mightymatt Absolutely! I’ll start with weaning.. he was down to 2 feeds at this point from the breast (everything else was from a bottle, we transitioned to a straw cup at 11.5 months). Up until about 2 weeks before his 1st bday he was still waking up 5am hungry so we nursed our morning feed then. My husband eventually took over and would give him half a banana which held him over til breakfast. That’s how we dropped the morning feed. I didn’t want to give up the before bed as it was so special but I also want to start fertility treatments soon so I had no choice. At 11.5 months I started to give him whole milk/breast milk combo with his breakfast and lunch and then would nurse at bed night for then third milk of the day. Once he was fully on cows milk (days before his bday) I offered it one night with dinner, he took the full cup of milk and then I knew we were done. His sleep quickly got better and I realized my supply was probably not enough to match his activity level at that point.
As for dropping the nursing to sleep.. I just put him down one day and he went to sleep the day I weaned. Didn’t do anything special. He seemed full and happy and didn’t need me to help him fall asleep anymore.
@francoisakafran That’s incredible! I’be been trying to wean her off the day feeds too. But she really resists sleep including naps so sometimes getting her down for naps also requires nursing.
I try to cut that out. But she can take upto 45 mins of walking and rocking before she sleeps. And it’s not that she’s not sleepy. She just… wakes herself up and fights it. I’m hoping she’ll wean off from a feed naturally during the day when we go from 2 naps to 1
@allfree15 Oh I hate how the sleep training industry makes people think feeding to sleep is so terrible! Every time I read anything from a sleep trainer I just think - this is all theory! I’ve fed to sleep for my babies whole 11 month life and her sleep has gone through so many iterations (currently terrible but she’s just started nursery so expected) - I’ve not really made any big changes. Feeding to sleep is a one of the few gifts Mother Nature has given us, I do not intend on squandering it
Please don’t listen to people telling you that you have to let your baby cry it out or they’ll never sleep. I think a lot of time they’re justifying a choice they made that perhaps deep down feels a little uncomfortable. Leaving my baby to scream with no form of comfort for sure makes me uncomfortable, so I won’t be doing it.
@felipeoliveir It's so weird. Hey there little human. You've been on this planet for 20 whole weeks now, so it's time for you to learn how to deal with your feelings on your own. Oh, you are scared because your evolutionary programming tells you being alone at night means deadly danger? Too bad, deal with it. Alone. Put your big baby pants on and learn some emotional independence. And don't even think about being hungry at night, because your little body and brain are developing so fast. Instagram said you are ready to stop feeding at night, so who are you to tell me differently? Just eat more at daytime! So easy! Oh, you want a pacifier, because sucking calms you down? Forget it. What are you? A baby?!
Honestly, this whole independent sleep stuff pisses me off. Thankfully it's not a thing in my country, but I get so sad for parents who are told they need to go against their natural instincts and their babies needs, because someone told them scary stories about "bAd SlEeP hAbItS".
@drita i have this baby book that talks about how America is the country that does this to children...other countries are seemingly enjoying them being little, loving on em, sure teaching them too but like we in the states immediately are worried about EQ\IQs & pushing milestones
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