@1984isnotamanual This is very much on my mind but there is not really anything I can do about it since 1) I don’t have a job 2) if I do get a job childcare in my state is among the most expensive in the country and 3) without us being together my daughter won’t have the same financial standard of living.
@sam77 Sounds like they saw the red flags first hun. I really hope you’re open to receiving what’s coming in these comments. This is bad. The truth is gonna rock your world if you didn’t know it before now. That husband is a walking red flag. This control is abusive. I have a gut feeling he controls a lot more, right? Maybe finances, maybe where you go—who you go with..perhaps where you work or if you can even work. I really hope some light is shed on you. I recommend finding a therapist. Lots of virtual ones. I know that can be tricky if you don’t have access to income or if finances are strictly controlled. But I really hope you get the help you need.
@katrina2017 I have a therapist I see weekly, and access to all our finances, so access to therapy and financial abuse is not a concern. I don’t ask for permission of where to go and what to do anymore (I did early on in our relationship but for years now he has trusted me to do these things—it took a while for him to trust me and I still have a ton of anxiety when I go out with friends etc.). I know it’s only a matter of time before my life completely blows up so I am just trying to take it one day at a time and do my best.
@sam77 Thank god you have access to resources.
I’m still working my way out quietly, taking it day by day. Right now try to get some support. Try like hell, even if it’s not from your mom. The isolation while you have a baby is gonna be brutal. Trust me, you need someone. Anyone.
@1984isnotamanual I’ve been open with her about all of this. She has never named it as such, no. She knows that I am not gonna leave or go anywhere because I simply cannot so she is trying to help me make the best of my situation, I guess.
@sam77 I found be truthful but kind solves most of my family drama. You will always be caught in a lie. I am sorry things aren't perfect but they never will be. Focus on the good and start being truthful with people.
@sam77 I get you, but trying to balance their feelings and your husband’s feelings can get really stressful. I think you should confide in her about this specific issue at least.
I know you don’t want to create a rift between your parents and your husband but this is just too much for you.
@sam77 Your parents don't like your partner because he's being abusive and trying to isolate you. Please admit to them what is going on, you need help.
@puddintain I really don’t want to worry them. And I feel like since there’s nothing I can really do that that’s all it would serve to do—just give them something to worry about.
@puddintain I think about this a lot. But I just feel like it would cause then so much worry and stress. I do wonder if they have some idea of what is going on and how deeply unhappy I am.
@sam77 Well at least there's that. But he's REALLY controlling in your relationship with your own mother which is really concerning. As others have said, you can give him a heads up that your mother is coming to help but it's not something he gets to veto. She's not going to give your 13mo body dysmorphia in an afternoon. What is he going to do if he's away on a trip? If the answer is that he'll just be a little pissy then let him be pissy! If the answer is more than that then you have a lot to evaluate about your relationship.
