Losing it; 2 y/o awake for hours at a time. How to break the cycle?

[steffyweffy777]

@maxinvasion Parent of an autistic child who did this a bunch for months between 2.5-3.5 years old. For us there was honestly no one good answer.

However, the best for us is feeding her and giving her a drink when she wakes up, but not letting her play. It usually keeps her from getting too riled up, and then we lead her back to bed.

In our case, because of her special needs, if she actually wasn't tired, we'd play, but it was guided play designed to wear out her brain, like building blocks or doing puzzles.

And many many many nights for months, I was just up with her for hours, miserable the next day. She eventually adjusted and stopped waking up in the night all on her own.

 

[mbti]

@maxinvasion Hey OP
Unfortunately I went through this with my first. He would wake up anywhere between 12 to 3 am and he would be happy as a clam and would not go back to sleep.
His days started at those times which meant so did mine. He also never napped for long periods (1 hour at most) during the day so he just survived on less sleep.

I unfortunately dont have any good advice for you. I just had to survive through it until he hit around 2.5 and he just stopped doing it all of a sudden and started sleeping through the night. He is autistic and from what I have heard irregular sleep patterns could be related but not sure if it is true or not.

I just want to let you know I am here if you need someone to talk to who has lived it.

 

[maxinvasion]

@mbti Thank you so much. While unfortunate, it’s nice to hear someone had been through the exact same.

 

[singmsj]

@maxinvasion Not a dad but I remember how frustrating this was for us so I wanted to reply. We went through this with my first and it turned out he was getting too much daytime sleep and needed a later bedtime. He would be up every night for 1.5-3 hours until we cut back on his sleep by alot. Like the amount he was staying up at night was basically the amount we needed to cut back. I read every website and book about sleep that all claimed he should be sleeping morebefore coming across a course I found on a Facebook sleep group that talked about this and gave a process to fix it. It took a couple weeks for his sleep drive to build up and then no more wake ups. Some kids need less sleep and he is pretty low on the spectrum - at two he only needed about 10.5-11 hours total for the day so that meant 1 hour naps (we had to wake him) and bed around 8:30 with a wake up time at 6:30. It kinda sucked but we made it work. At 4 he needs 9 hours a day but luckily will play in his room until we get up.

If you want to try the method we learned about, you would cut back a nap by 30-45 min and push back bedtime as well by the same. If it's still happening after a week start trimming by 15 minutes until it gets better. You need to give your kid time to adjust because they may seem overtired at first but if after 2-3 weeks they are still really tired (and if nights are better) you can try adding 15 minutes back at a time.

 

[davegreaves]

@maxinvasion I'm not big on social media or influencers and all that shit, and idk if this is against the rules but:

My wife bought "takingcarababies" sleep program for both of our kids (one at like 2 years old and the other one the day he was born) and both of our kids have slept through the night every night in their own bed since age 2 with only a HANDFUL of "I had a bad dream" wake ups.

I'm not religious but if I was she would be my diety

 

[ofmata1]

@maxinvasion I also agree with the melatonin. Speak to your pediatrician first though. You can make an appt specifically for this reason. You can have a start off dose and once she gets the rhythm of what’s expected and how sleep is supposed to go you can start to taper her off. My 10 yr old was the same way he was only on it for two weeks.

 

[sturgeon18]

@maxinvasion Split nights are perfectly normal but also incredibly frustrating. There is also a sleep regression at 2yo as well.

My eldest never had them but even at 10 she has high sleep needs. My other two both had split nights but they both need way less sleep overall.

You should be looking at about 12-13 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period at that age (it sound like your daughter is probably closer to 12).

My 2yo day currently is: wake up by 0730 at the latest (we will wake her if she is still sleeping but she tends to wake herself around 0700). Her nap is capped at 40 minutes and is usually 1300 to 1340, or one sleep cycle and then she will go to bed between 2000-2030 depending on how tired she is. She is already refusing naps about 50% of the time so on those days her bed time comes forward by an hour.

In terms of managing the awake phase we had a spare double bed and would just bring them onto that and let them do their thing in the dark while we just dozed. We didn't actually get them up or let them play with toys, or really engage with them so there was "no reward" but they weren't left alone in their bed upset either.

 

[s%D1%80%D0%BDin%D1%85]

@maxinvasion What is her napping schedule through the day? Maybe it would help to cut those down.

 

[jpsalm123]

@maxinvasion "cry it out". It's tough for you but she'll be fine. Can't really do it once they're a little older though

 

[lampmark123]

@maxinvasion Does she have a stuff animal? Tell her when she wakes up, she can play with the stuff animal?

 

[writergirl201]

@maxinvasion I mean at this point I think you have a few options and you have to stick with that decision in my eyes.

1. Make this your new normal unfortunately, and try to make it work-I’d guess this is not a favorable choice lol.
2. Try Melatonin supplements - I personally am against this and have no experience with this. I have nephews that truly do not sleep and my sister gives it to them as a nightly routine.
3. As others said, be firm/assertive for a few weeks and eliminate the option of waking up and staying up. - It will be cruel in your daughters eyes, but can solve it in the long run if it works.
4. Compromise with her if possible? Let her co-sleep if you and the wife are okay with it. Let her do this only on the weekend?( I know a 2 year old won’t truly understand this concept lol).

Honestly it sounds like a nightmare, although i took the lazy dad route and let my daughter sleep with wife and I whenever she wakes up (4 years old now) because it wasnt a hill I was prepared to die on.

 

[juliejones]

@maxinvasion Tough it out. Let her be alone, let her flip her shit. Dont give in. She’s learned that flipping her shit will get you guys in there. You got cameras anyways, you dont need to go in to her room to see if she’s fine. Its going to be tough for a couple weeks your probably going to feel bad but at the end it will be better for everyone. Plus it can’t be any worse than what you guys are already going through.

 

[mevans]

@maxinvasion Put them in their room, reverse the lock, get noise canceling headphones/ear plugs, unscrew light bulbs, and call it a night. Seriously, you responding to them waking up is the absolute worst thing you cans do. the absolute best thing you can do is ignore them. Our kids have ONE sleep buddy for bed, that is for bedtime only, if they wake up, and need to talk to somebody, they can talk to their buddy.

 

[ultroking]

@maxinvasion Give him food. He is hungry

 

[heliuscluster1]

@maxinvasion

• No naps during the day
• Bed at 7:30.
• If she wakes, let her.
• If she comes into your room, back to bed it is. Don't say anything, don't acknowledge. Just guide her back to bed.
• Repeat.

You might have a few days of barely any sleep as she plays up with this, but it will work.

 

[nsurridge]

@heliuscluster1 No naps during the day is a terrible idea. A two year old needs a nap, even a short one.

 

[heliuscluster1]

@nsurridge Perhaps, but 2yo isn't sleeping at night. You can bring naps back, but for now you'll have them more sleepy by not napping during the day.

 

[nsurridge]

@heliuscluster1 The toddler not sleeping at night is not because she is not tired.
Exhausting children so you can have a good night’s sleep is a terrible way to go about things.

 

[prmiami777]

@maxinvasion melatonin

 

[juan08861]

@prmiami777 This an unregulated hormone. Hard pass.

Sleep training is safe, effective, and way better than letting a kid be this sleep deprived or drugged