@spacecadet3767 This is exactly it. I’ve asked my mom about this because I feel exactly like OP some days. As another commenter said there were late night cleaning tasks that my mom did that I never saw, and it also wasn’t like that when we were little. As we got older and less demanding than mine currently are is when my mom was the mom I remember, not in the little kid days. I really beat myself up about it for a little while until I confessed to her how I was feeling. She told me I wasn’t being realistic.
How did my mom do it
- Thread starter j2019
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pathofphanuel
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@spacecadet3767 So true about the age thing!
@spacecadet3767 Well said !
@j2019 I think life was simpler, TBH. My mom was a single mom for most of my life with an office job and a long commute. When work was done, it was done. Not random emails and pings after hours or over the weekend where 10 minutes here and there add up.
Also, we weren’t as over-programmed as kids are today. I played sports on the weekends with practice maybe once every other week and that was it.
I also don’t know how old your kids are, but my mom left me home alone around 12 years old with the good old “don’t answer the phone and don’t answer the door unless it’s me.”
Also, we weren’t as over-programmed as kids are today. I played sports on the weekends with practice maybe once every other week and that was it.
I also don’t know how old your kids are, but my mom left me home alone around 12 years old with the good old “don’t answer the phone and don’t answer the door unless it’s me.”
jesuschrist4life
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eeswarchandra
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guitarcrazyo
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@eeswarchandra This! We were never home so the house could stay clean. As little ones we didn’t have as much stuff. My mother was and still is a minimalist
abrahamist
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@j2019 I feel like they also had it easier back then because homes didn't cost what they cost now- same with childcare, college, healthcare. Groceries, etc...There's this hidden weight to parenting that our parents didn't have and it causes so much extra stress and exhaustion. I'm not saying they had it easy back then, but it's completely different now. Just the cost of having one child is astronomical compared to what it was 30-40 years ago.
I am envious of anyone that has grandparents to help out or even a spouse that helps. This shit isn't for the weak.
I am envious of anyone that has grandparents to help out or even a spouse that helps. This shit isn't for the weak.
dundermifflinfarmer
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@abrahamist This is such a good call out. The weight of financial worry is enormous.
nateprazuch
New member
@abrahamist I see you sister. “This shit isn’t for the weak” well said!
@j2019 I can’t speak for anyone else, but in my corner of the world, what constituted a good parent was way less demanding and way less involved than it is now.
I can’t recall my parents ever playing with my sister and I, or being at all interested in our worlds. They mostly did their own thing, occasionally checked in, but there was not this great push to have a super close, deep connection with us as people. They didn’t fuss over our development and we were often left unsupervised once we were old enough to know not to walk into traffic or talk to strangers. As long as they checked off the legally required duties, and made sure we were presentable and well behaved in public (aka reflected them well), that’s all that mattered.
I guess it was easier for them but idk, I grew up with the feeling that my parents never really knew me. To this day, I still feel they don’t know me at all. I am an idea to them, not a person. My friends, husband, hell some of my coworkers even, know me way better than my own parents.
I can’t recall my parents ever playing with my sister and I, or being at all interested in our worlds. They mostly did their own thing, occasionally checked in, but there was not this great push to have a super close, deep connection with us as people. They didn’t fuss over our development and we were often left unsupervised once we were old enough to know not to walk into traffic or talk to strangers. As long as they checked off the legally required duties, and made sure we were presentable and well behaved in public (aka reflected them well), that’s all that mattered.
I guess it was easier for them but idk, I grew up with the feeling that my parents never really knew me. To this day, I still feel they don’t know me at all. I am an idea to them, not a person. My friends, husband, hell some of my coworkers even, know me way better than my own parents.
nabthefool
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nateprazuch
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jilleighan7
New member
@j2019 Everything was different then.
Did she have you younger? She may have had more energy as a result. Were you and your siblings different than your child? That plays a part. Being able to leave kids alone earlier probably helps too. Our parents typically gave us a lot of responsibility that helped run the house and lighten their load. In many ways life was simpler.
Did she have you younger? She may have had more energy as a result. Were you and your siblings different than your child? That plays a part. Being able to leave kids alone earlier probably helps too. Our parents typically gave us a lot of responsibility that helped run the house and lighten their load. In many ways life was simpler.
@jilleighan7 I’m the second born. My mom had me at the same age I had my son (32).
@j2019 My mom was also a RN growing up. We’re both RNs now. My mom sometimes gets critical of my house and my momming/wifeing. I think my mom selectively forgets that she had a husband who was home on weeknights to make dinner. I also started cooking meals around 6th grade. I did a lot of childcare for my younger brother because he was 4 years younger than me. I cleaned our bathrooms and unpacked the dishwasher. Her kids were 4 years apart. In 4 weeks I’m going to have 3 under 4. Our lives are different.
jameseverett59
New member
@j2019 Part of it has to be the fact that there weren’t as many time-wasting devices and internet to distract her. Were your parents big TV people? Most of the time when my son goes to bed, my husband and I zone out in front of the TV and scroll on our respective devices. But if he’s out of town for some reason, I become a machine and clean the entire house after putting my son to bed. Fewer distractions equals more productivity.
@jameseverett59 I do remember them watching TV after we went to bed. I know my mom would wait until we went to sleep to clean the floors. My husband and are cleaning and food prepping machines after bedtime. He’s often not home until after bedtime but he will jump right in and help me the minute he gets home. I try and get most of it done though. Our house is a lot smaller so the rooms get more traction and dirty quicker.
@jameseverett59 I am totally the same way with my husband! I won’t watch “our” shows when he’s out of town and I end up doing so much around the house, but when he’s home I get lazy by association and just watch TV with him. I think for me it’s a subconscious avoidance of feeling annoyed if he’s on the couch and I’m cleaning, so instead we both lay on the couch haha
@j2019 I've wondered the exact same thing! The house I grew up in was immaculate, my mom and dad did things like play tennis twice a week, and we had a great home cooked meal every evening. My house often looks like a bomb went off and I am SO tired. I feel like I have no life, and no hobbies! I just work and take care of the kids and try to keep the house somewhat in order.
I've concluded that a big part of why the house I grew up in could be run this way is because: my parents didn't invest that much effort in their kids. They loved us, but I have zero memories of them playing with us or being particularly concerned about our development. Whereas I'll choose to play a board game with my kids or help the older one with her homework or read the younger one books, instead of immaculately cleaning the kitchen. My parents would have spent that time cleaning.
I've concluded that a big part of why the house I grew up in could be run this way is because: my parents didn't invest that much effort in their kids. They loved us, but I have zero memories of them playing with us or being particularly concerned about our development. Whereas I'll choose to play a board game with my kids or help the older one with her homework or read the younger one books, instead of immaculately cleaning the kitchen. My parents would have spent that time cleaning.