How did my mom do it

[queensophia]

@pcadummy This. I don't remember my parents ever playing board games, reading to us, playing... Our grandparents did, but not our parents. My parents did occasionally help with homework in elementary school, but they seemed to detest doing it. I'm remember being in tears multiple times with my father trying to help with homework. He didn't have the patience for it.

 

[bittersweet5]

@j2019 I assume your mom wasn’t working 5 days a week if she did 12 hour shifts. Also, as an RN, she moved a lot and was therefore in better shape than most of us with office jobs. Honestly, if I could pull 3 12 hour shifts to have four days off, I would do it in a heartbeat.

 

[drewc]

@bittersweet5 I worked 12 hours shifts as an RN and it is awful. It would take me a full day to recover on my first day off. Working 12s is not more productive to doing things around the house in my experience

Take a scroll through the r/nursing subreddit. So many people asking if it's normal to be exhausted on your days off

 

[ineedyougod]

@drewc Nurse, here. I have had conversations with nurses that are about to or have retired since I graduated, nursing (healthcare in general) is not like it used to be.

 

[nateprazuch]

@ineedyougod In what ways. No doubt it’s true but please elaborate I am fascinated. My mom was an RN.

 

[ineedyougod]

@nateprazuch These 2 are more societal:

The most common one is that people are sicker, and bigger, than they used to be. People have more chronic illnesses (laundry list of medical diagnoses) that can lead to complications for more straightforward hospitalizations like needing IV antibiotics for pneumonia.

Another one that is common for anyone in a public facing job is the entitlement of some, and even growing number, of people.

Business related:

Healthcare, at least in the US, is all about making money. You know those how are you doing questionairs you get for almost every store interact with anymore? We get those. And if the patient doesn't give a 10/10 on all the questions ( it ranges from food to nursing care so the stay as a whole) the hospital doesn't get reimbursed. Hospitals can opt into a program, it costs lots of money, that pools that money with other hospitals and depending on the scores your hospital receives for the month, the hospital can get it's money back and even some extra. I don't remember exactly how it works but that's the cliffnotes version.

Other business related things is having to troubleshoot crappy equipment cause the hospital is cheap (not horrible but annoying when I'm trying to get 5-8 people their medications and comfortable for bed).

I feel like this is getting a bit long but I could keep going.

 

[ineedyougod]

Also wanted to add, cause someone else brought this up too, computers and the blue light from that could also be a factor. Everything you need to know about your patients for the shift, what you did for the shift, etc. was in the computer. I spent just as much time staring at a screen as I did running around.

 

[sursh123]

@ineedyougod This is so true -- 100% the scope of practice for RNs has expanded and I think nurses do a lot more now, particularly in areas like critical care, than they did 20 or 30 years ago. Patient care is just different now.

 

[eveelynn]

@drewc It's even worse when you have Rotating shifts and your sleep is all over the map. I hated shift work in health care like this. I could never really rest.

 

[sursh123]

@drewc I think this really depends on the person -- when I worked 12s as a bedside RN only doing 3 shifts a week I DO think it was easier than the 5 days/8 hour days I do now. I felt like I had a lot more time to do things around my house and just for myself than I do now! I wasn't completely exhausted on my days off and I loved my 4 days off.

 

[one_day_i_will_fly]

@drewc Former RN now NP and this. Anyone saying 3 12s is easier has never done it and certainly never worked 12 hour nights.

Nothing would ever make me go back to 12s. My mom was also an RN and worked nights. She used to just basically lock us inside during the day while I'm sure she only slept a few hours.

I also think nursing while never easy was way easier than it is now. I graduated over a decade ago and watched the work environment get worse and worse.

 

[j2019]

@bittersweet5 She keeps telling me that she doesn’t know how I’m doing 5 days and thinks 3 12s seemed easier. I thinks it’s just what she was used to so that might be why she says it. I do leave the house at 7:30am and get home at 6:30pm on my three office days so those days are harder than my WFH days but my WFH days I end up doing more work. I really don’t know if I could have handled 12 hour shifts though especially nights.

 

[kalulabelle]

@j2019 You're already doing almost 12 hour shifts -- it's just that some of the time is spent on the commute.

 

[samarami]

@j2019 Ok so you are basically doing 12 hour days 5 days a week vs 3! That’s a lot less free time.

 

[j2019]

@samarami Ya she does tell me this!

 

[hoseaman]

@bittersweet5 This is what I came here to say. My mom was an ER nurse from before I was born until I was in high school. She worked 12 hour shifts with a sort of rotating schedule: work Fri thru Sun, off Mon and Tuesday, work Wed and Thurs, off Fri thru Sun, and repeat that pattern. So she would have weeks of 5 days and weeks of 2 days, but always with some week days off. Once I was in high school, she switched to 9 to 5 hours. She regularly has told me that the 12 hour rotation made life easier in a lot of ways. She could clean and shop while we were at school, go to doctor appointments without missing work, various other errands. Not that the long shifts weren't hard, but she's said she feels like the weekends aren't enough to do chores and recover. And that's with her children grown and our of the house.

 

[jesusistheefaith]

@j2019 She had no iphone to distract her. She had no email or computer games or message boards. She probably had no cable TV. She didnt bring her work home, when she was done she was done. You probably had no extra curriculars. You most likely had a lot of chores, and from a young age. They probably left you alone and very young. I was left in cars, in a stroller sleeping on the front lawn. There was no baby wearing or child enrichment. She probably had 5 meals in her repertoire. I'd bet she didnt have a workout routine or expect personal fulfillment. Your dad didnt play video games or workout or go on guys weekends, She didnt curate family outfits for professional photo shoots or make elaborate baby books or videotape your every move.

I think we have a lot higher expectations, a lot more disposable income and a the expectation that we will have a career and personal fulfillment. I am not sure we are better off most days!

 

[nexus1]

@j2019 I had this conversation with my mom recently too. She claims it was never spotless but I remember it that way. I think there was probably less clutter and toys and I remember more the time spent together than the time checking when she washed the floors last. Now there’s more activities that take us out of the home too that we didn’t have when I was younger.

This is how I justify my overwhelmed state and I’m ok with it. The house isn’t always clean and laundry always needs folding but I’m alright with my baseline tired status and mom bun

 

[equalizer]

@j2019 I say some people are built differently. Even though you and your mom share the same gene-pool, the body and brain she has is way different than yours.

It's not that generation gap. I have a friend who works full time plus some overtime, have 4 kids (6, 4, 2, and brand new baby) cooks home made meal every night, weekend meal prep, social gatherings once or twice a week, take kids to sports, and her house is spotless.

I work full time 9-6 on weekday, then I need to do absolutely nothing during the weekend to recover. Lol

 

[j2019]

@equalizer My mom and I couldn’t be more opposite in every area of life except our hair color . I do know a lot of people comment on how she’s the energizer bunny and never stops.