How burned out are you as a SAHP?

[ajewelinhiscrown]

Here’s how burned out I am: two week vacation with my wife and three small kids, wife working part of the time on half the vacation, middle of vacation was split up with a one overnight trip back home, left vacation last night and spent the night on the way home.

When we arrived at our stopover last night, my 5 y/o had peed in her car seat. She had no liquids before falling asleep but she peed anyway. I stayed up late after getting everyone in bed and tucked in. I cleaned up the car seat and l left it to dry.

In the morning, I went to the car and realized I had not shut my 7 y/o’s window which I hadn’t realized that she had opened. It rained all night and her seat was wet.

I went to dry her seat with a hairdryer and this was first thing in the morning and I hadn’t had any coffee yet and I singed a small hole in the car seat as I was holding the hair dryer too close.

I can’t win.

 

[lostandconfused2]

@ajewelinhiscrown Sometimes I don't even want to go on family vacations anymore because they are almost more work than staying home. You get back and don't feel rested. It's exhausting. Try to work in an overnight for just you, OP.

 

[bullmuse]

@lostandconfused2 I call family vacations “overtime” for me.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@bullmuse Yes. They are 100% “overtime.”

 

[braden2245]

@ajewelinhiscrown Don’t even call them vacations. If I’m with my kids, I’m on a “family trip.”

If I’m alone or with my partner, preferably at a hotel with poolside servers and frozen drinks… THAT is a vacation.

 

[boymom925]

@lostandconfused2 I always say, "I'm just momming in a different location!"...there are no vacations anymore!

 

[satchboogie]

@boymom925 Yeah I call it doing the same thing with fewer resources and no childproofing. I hate traveling now I used to love it.

 

[questionall]

@ajewelinhiscrown I just wake up constantly tired, “Sunday Scaries” all the time, look forward to nap times & bedtime way too much, and I’m pretty sure coffee has replaced all blood in my body. My 26 MO and 7 MO communicate to ensure my life is as hard as possible (/s) and if one of them isn’t awake at night the other one is. So, I’m very burnt out. My eyes are burning with exhaustion but it’s okay because my toddler just replaced my infants paci and kissed her on the head and said I love you.

 

[findsapientia]

@questionall The last part makes me laugh. It's the opposite of my house. My 2.5 year old won't drop the paci. My 1 year old never took one. He thinks it's HILARIOUS to take the paci from the 2.5 year old and put it in his mouth and run away

 

[theomatician888]

@ajewelinhiscrown Once I reframed that my "job" are my kids it's been better. I used to have a ton of resentment that my husband gets to leave the house and go to work and talk to adults and just use a different part of his brain. I'd stay home and do nonstop cleaning and cooking and finding activities for toddler. It just seems menial. But then I realized if the cards were flipped I'd want someone to stay home and be with the kids and take care of them the way I do and he has that. He can go to work and not worry. That's good for his mental well being too. My husband is also very good at kicking me out of the house for an hour or two just for a little bit of a reset when he's home. But yeah it's a lot with little kids.

 

[taylorgodiva28]

@theomatician888 I think of it as a job too but don’t think my partner fully grasps that idea. Definitely don’t feel appreciated for all I do and yes, extremely burnt out.

 

[ifthepuzzlefits]

@ajewelinhiscrown My parents usually help because my husband travels a lot but they went away for 2 weeks while I watched their very high need dogs, then I got COVID from them when they returned which was exactly 10 days before I was leaving for a non refundable trip (the original trip was planned last year but we got the stomach flu), right before we leave for vacation my neighborhood was evacuated for a fire, on vacation I was dealing with post COVID symptoms and my phone slipped off the balcony table and fell 15 floors below into the pool. Came home from vacation to a dog with an eye infection, a power outage and a whole bunch of random warnings popping up in my car. My husband went out of state 2 days after we got back. I just keep saying, it could be so much worse.

Today I put two diapers on my daughter, that’s how exhausted I am. Took me over an hour to realize
ETA: I apologize this is a rant and it isn’t grammatically correct. Just know I get it. It feels like I’m running on a hamster wheel. Can’t sit down, can’t catch a break.

 

[boymom925]

@ifthepuzzlefits I always describe being a SAHP as "being on a hamster wheel!!" and use "it could be worse" on a daily basis Haha!!

 

[skepticonthefence]

@1godpreacher Omg…..

 

[receivedgrace]

@ajewelinhiscrown Reading this right now while we’re on vacation, I’m stuck in the room with a sleeping baby while everyone is enjoying the sunshine and beach

 

[toysernis1]

@ajewelinhiscrown Why didn’t your partner help you with the car seat that night or the next morning?????

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@toysernis1 Oh because my wife doesn’t do anything like that. She also would have been pissed at me for not shutting with car window which was an honest mistake and it was after midnight and I was just exhausted.

 

[toysernis1]

@ajewelinhiscrown Yikes! I’m sorry you have a partner like that. .

That makes the crappy day/situation 10x worse because you have a spouse that isn’t a partner/teammate.

I hope that changes for you.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@toysernis1 Thank you. It sucks. Somehow since I’m the SAHD I’m responsible for literally everything at home all the time.

 

[toysernis1]

@ajewelinhiscrown I was in that situation with my first born (a bit worse). I left my “partner” 4mo before our marriage.

It was a MILLION times easier being a single parent with shared custody. It was honestly AMAZING compared to our “marriage”/relationship. I wish I had left sooner!

10+ years later I’m re married to someone wonderful, more kids, happier than ever.

I hope you find your worth and your voice, soon. Life is wonderful as a SAHP when you have a quality partner!