SAHP Burned out and making mistake after mistake

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@oluwayinka Thank you.

 

[ohumam]

@ajewelinhiscrown It’s very hard to multitask when you are plugged into young kids. Please try to see it as doing a great job being present for your child. I take at least two evenings a week where I don’t interact with my spouse and just sit in silence and go to bed early. This helps me drain out all those fight or flight hormones that comes with keeping kids safe in the city. I also wake up at 5am which SUCKS but it does give me some time to do tasks before the fight or flight of the day starts. Much easier to do time sensitive things like buy tickets or work on your calender while sleepy than during the adrenaline filled day.

 

[naka]

@ajewelinhiscrown Getting 5-6 hours a night for weeks on end will destroy your health. Read Why We Sleep if you're interested in the research.

Prioritize your sleep. Count your calories and ensure you are not eating too many, it's usually just in the math balance of intake and energy expenditure -- how many steps are you walking a day?

Get rid of junk food and empty carbs in your house. Cook as many meals on your own (with the kids!!) as possible.

If your blood work is fine, getting the right sleep and right food into your body will correct the situation over time.

 

[yamila]

@ajewelinhiscrown I'm only a SAHM to 1 child (pregnant with #2) and yesterday I almost burned the house down by not noticing a wooden spoon had fallen onto a lit burner in the stove. Nothing you described in even close to a reason to hate yourself. Try to get more sleep because you need more sleep, not because you're doing a bad job as a parent because you aren't. The only thing that works for me to get caught up on sleep is going to bed early, like right after I get my son down at 8pm. Not ideal for a number of reasons but sometimes you just have to prioritize sleep for a while.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@yamila Thank you so much. You’re right.

 

[reclaimed4life]

@ajewelinhiscrown Three kids is busy. Is there time you can build in to your day for some self care practices or things that would make you feel recharged?

 

[katrina2017]

@ajewelinhiscrown You need rest.

 

[cgpb]

@ajewelinhiscrown You already identified most of the root causes, so fortunately you know what to change/fix. You need to get more sleep on a regular basis. Do what you need to do to fix this. Maybe you just need to go to sleep earlier and have better sleep hygiene, or maybe your wife needs to step up and help with kids overnight. You know you need to use your calendar for scheduling. This is a huge one for me. If it’s not on my calendar, it’s not happening. Also take some Vit D and cut down on your energy drink consumption. Mistakes happen, and nothing you mentioned is a big deal, but it’s good you’re concerned, because the lack of rest and lack of clear mind because of it could lead to some very serious mistakes. This is like the oxygen mask on a plane; you have to take care of yourself before you can help others.

 

[tiuenah]

@ajewelinhiscrown On Sundays I set a plans for the week. Meal plans and what the week will hold. This is all put into my calendar and I check it the night before and write notes for the next day so when I wake up, I check the one notes for what I need to get done.

Spending a small amount of time planning saves so much time and mental energy the next day.

And sleep. Prioritise sleep above all. Even if it means that you get less down time.

 

[mem5]

@ajewelinhiscrown It kinda seems like your wife is dictating the schedule and you’re doing your best to adhere to it. Why isn’t she buying tickets and putting stuff on the calendar..?

My husband adds stuff to the cal himself. He buys tickets himself. We also have conversations about it first to make sure it works for both of us/our plans/schedules.

Our mantra has been “together we have one brain” ever since our kid was born

This shit is HARD. It feels like you’re kinda being set up to fail when you’re this exhausted and your wife is expecting you to be the household secretary on top of it.

Do y’all alternate who gets up with the kids so you both get a full night’s sleep every other night?

I understand if your wife’s job is that demanding that that isn’t feasible… but if that’s the case, HIRE SOMEONE. You can get a personal assistant on fivrr to cover scheduling stuff.

You need a break. Your wife needs a reality check on her expectations (and you might, too). It is unreasonable to expect to be doing all this stuff well when you’re so sleep deprived. But nobody can “do it all.”

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@mem5 Thank you. I appreciate it. I constantly feel like I have to do everything. Our parking garage rate went up and when I looked into it our tax exemption had expired in September - basically you get a discount on the tax on your monthly parking garage if you prove you’re a resident of the city - I didn’t realize it was only good for two years before having to renew and I took care of that and hopefully they’re going to apply it retroactively.

I realized one day I had signed up for tv channels so my wife and kids could watch something and we’ve been paying for that so I cancelled that. It’s just impossible to catch all of these things and do everything.

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it.

 

[pastorjman]

@ajewelinhiscrown Your share of the mental load is too high. Your wife needs to do more than just work, she needs to take responsibility for some of the household things too.

Also a calendar is great but I find phone alarms very helpful too for regular things like weekly swim lessons. I just counted and I have 23 alarms for various weekly things. Sometimes I miss/ignore a calendar reminder so the audible alarm makes a difference.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@pastorjman Thank you.

 

[krumdel]

@ajewelinhiscrown Sleep deprivation will mess you up! I often feel the same way. And I have to share that we visited NYC recently and I ALSO bought tickets for the Statue of Liberty for the wrong day! Did you use the mobile website? It doesn’t display the calendar properly so it is so easy to do. My sister in law did the same thing on one of her NYC visits.

I try to laugh off my mistakes and do my best to prevent them from happening again, but there’s no way to prevent them all. Please don’t hate yourself. I guarantee your kids don’t hold these little mistakes against you.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@krumdel Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And wow. That is unreal. I originally bought the tickets on my laptop. Maybe the site did mess up. Maybe they know this. I contacted customer service after this happened and told them the whole story and I didn’t blame the site or anything and they said they don’t allow refunds or credits or anything and then they said but as a one time courtesy they offered to refund or rebook the tickets, so maybe this “one time courtesy” is what they are used to doing because their site constantly glitches out.

 

[rudytoot]

@ajewelinhiscrown These are all very easy mistakes to make, especially if you are sleep deprived! Don’t be so hard on yourself. You made three mistakes in a week but you also did hundreds of other things right. Talk to your wife about how you can get more sleep.

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@rudytoot Thank you.

 

[udliam]

@ajewelinhiscrown You are tired! Give yourself grace and a break

 

[ajewelinhiscrown]

@udliam Thank you.

 

[counselorwriterdad]

@ajewelinhiscrown I could have written this regarding my husband. Serious question with no judgment. Do you have untreated anxiety? Oftentimes , he is obsessed with something in his head that he forgets to "be present." He's in therapy and on medication, but it's still something he has to work on.