He threatened to k*ll my partner in front of our daughter

[purposedbygod]

I’m so heartbroken for my daughter. We’ve never uttered a negative thing about her dad to her. We try to get along and be nice no matter what in the name of doing what’s best for her…

She’s 4

Today her dad got mad because I was late dropping her off (unexpected circumstance, it was completely unintentional, and I called him as soon as we knew we were going to be late) — he claimed I was disrespectful and speaking very rudely to me via text on the way to drop her off. My husband decided to go with me to drop because of his texts.

Her dad gruffly walks up to us and threatens to call the cops the next time I’m late and says he will tell them I kidnapped her and he starts getting in my space. So my husband tells him to back off a bit and that he can’t claim there is kidnapping for being late.

So ex pushes my partner and says “I will f* k*ll you” and then starts yelling and causing a scene. My daughter begins crying obviously confused and scared “I don’t want him to kill him. He’s only nice why is daddy so angry? What is he doing?”

The last question broke me to my core. If you can imagine scared 4 year old cries… they are rough I’m so mad at myself for having a child with this man. I hate seeing her this heartbroken. She knew her dad meant what he said…

He tried to grab her from me and was ripping her from my arms while she’s clearly very upset… while he was holding her I told him I was very upset he did that in front of her, that that was unfair to her and validated her feelings… but ultimately I had to let her go with him. And now I feel helpless.

He said “I will k*ll you” several times…

I have to have a very honest adult conversation with a 4 year old now when she is back from his weekend about how not okay that was and that we have to take conversations like that seriously.

I got most of everything on video. Mainly my daughter’s reaction… which hurts my heart so bad. When is enough enough to bring to a custody lawyer? This was f*cking traumatic.

 

[nomadnurse]

@purposedbygod You have the death threats recorded on a video?

Go to the police and file a report.

Get an attorney and file for emergency interim custody, and file for sole custody. He is clearly not stable if he’s making death threats in front of his 4 year old child. Visitation should be supervised. God only knows what he’s saying to her this weekend to try and make what he did seem normal or okay.

 

[kdhogue]

@nomadnurse Yes, all of this. Please go to the police and file a report and use it to file for emergency custody.

 

[icantthinkofausername]

@nomadnurse My husband’s ex did this. Threatened to kill him, their daughter, and me in the school parking lot in front of the resource officer. The judge granted him a protective order but not his daughter.

She wound up not complying with custody and using parental alienation to keep them apart. He last saw his daughter when she was 8; it was her 17th birthday last week. Reading her last statement to the court about why she doesn’t want to see him is heartbreaking, it’s all the same lies her mother was telling 9 years ago. Shit like “dad’s partner is a man and it makes me feel unsafe” (I’m a woman, thanks) and that she doesn’t want to know her sisters because he had them to replace her (bullshit and also, I thought I was a man?) and that he has been so mean to her mom (the last communication he had with her was via email… he asked if they were okay, and if they needed anything - it was during the pandemic. She deleted her email address after and all his emails have bounced back).

It’s seriously heartbreaking how the courts won’t step up to protect children. The custody order even says that if mom has to share parenting time, her verbal abuse may escalate to physical abuse, so she should have primary custody to reduce the potential for abuse. In the same order, it states that no signs of the father being abusive were found. Like, excuse me?

Ugh. Sorry. OP absolutely needs to go get a protective order, and I really hope that they take her seriously and extend it to her child.

 

[cheflin]

@purposedbygod Forget the lawyer for now you need to call the police ASAP.

 

[redpill21]

@purposedbygod You need to file a police report, OP. You need a paper trail in case he tries some shit.

Monday morning, find a lawyer or go to the one who handled your custody in the first place if they’re still someone you’re comfortable working with. His threats might be empty but there’s no way to know until he snaps or doesn’t. A protective order for your family seems in order to me but IANAL, just related to a bunch of them.

I’m so sorry, OP. How utterly awful.

 

[pizzaroll]

@purposedbygod You should file police report

 

[fortytwo]

@purposedbygod Hi, not sure where you are but it might be time to consider a protective order. That would be enough in my jurisdiction for a temp at the very least. First thing Monday morning it’s time to talk to a family lawyer in your area

 

[kydude]

@purposedbygod Gods... I have no idea how you deal with that. Document it? I think most lowers will do a consultation so you could ask some questions about how far is too far? Or what kind of things you can do. Restraint over? Police report? Yikes.

 

[purposedbygod]

@kydude A friend gave me a number to a local 24/7 shelter and advocacy group. They recommended an order of protection and a police report. Going to file with my entire history of notes of his behaviors leading up to this. Paper trails if anything, maybe secure exchanges… and possible custody will get brought up as a topic. This is just messed up.

 

[kydude]

@purposedbygod I wish you the best and I hope your daughter is protected by the courts.

 

[needgd]

@purposedbygod Police report, then lawyer.

 

[foxtrotrn]

@purposedbygod If you got those threats on video, go immediately file a police report. You can file one without video proof too, but less likely to have a successful outcome unless there were other witnesses or some surveillance cameras to pull footage from. Then file for an order of protection.

I am sorry, mama. Hang in there.