My partner passed away and I’m seriously considering adoption or a sperm donor.

[speckle]

@sonnalauurgent Oh my heart… I’m so so sorry. The fraction of pain I felt reading this and imagining being in your shoes was astounding but pales in comparison to what you’re going through.

Take time. I know grief can have us coping in different ways or making your mind think of other things to get away from the pain- but your babies will be your babies. You don’t need to make any decisions right now. Just know in your heart that you WILL be a mother one day. Be it adoption, sperm doner, or meeting someone.
You still have a village and a community around you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s bullshit and life can be so unfair.

 

[justme1956]

@sonnalauurgent I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

 

[bebcnof]

@sonnalauurgent I can’t imagine the pain you are in. I’m so sorry this happened to your partner and to you. I can appreciate your thought process right now, but I agree with others to give yourself time to grieve and to heal before you commit to a big decision. Try to be gentle with yourself as you go on this profound healing journey. Sending you lots of light and clarity in this dark time.

 

[dgkm]

@sonnalauurgent Hugging you

 

[sglewis]

@sonnalauurgent I am deeply sorry for your loss OP. My friend lost her partner in a car accident when we were in college and I remember how painful it was. But you are very young and you have a lot of time to figure things out. You should allow yourself to grieve first. You don't have to rush into anything right now. Just take your time and don't do anything for a while.

 

[tunnelhckrat]

@sonnalauurgent I’m sobbing reading this. I’m so sorry

 

[berksguy610]

@sonnalauurgent God that’s so unfair. Unimaginable. I’m so so sorry, my heart breaks for you

 

[captaintyler]

@sonnalauurgent Oh man... Condolences... That's so tough and sad to hear... I hope whatever route you take, that you can have your miracle baby

 

[infomommax]

@sonnalauurgent I’m so sorry.

There’s nothing wrong with adoption or a sperm donor. But you should take the time to grieve first. I’m sure you don’t mean like, tomorrow, but I’d give it no less than 6 months, closer to a year.

 

[sammy91771]

@sonnalauurgent I just want you to know you're heard. Everything that you're feeling is valid. Everything you will feel is too.

Please be kind to yourself in this time. You don't need to sort everything out right now or even any time soon. Right now is the time to feel through it as it comes, because that is the hardest work.

You don't need anyone's permission to grieve, certainly not mine. But I hope you don't try and push it down. It's going to be loud and messy, and that is all okay. There's no such thing as "staying strong" when someone you love is taken from you.

You will be okay, eventually. But not today. Not soon. And certainly, it will never ever be the same. So please don't feel like you need to pretend to be okay.

Sending you all the love I have. Hoping that you're surrounded constantly by the feeling of his love and joyful memories

Sincerely,
A woman in Glasgow who genuinely hopes that the world treats you gently in these days to come

 

[jomareem]

@sonnalauurgent Im so sorry for your loss. I basically went through the same process as you. I ended up having a baby girl September 2020 (approximately a year after he passed away).

If you ever wanna chat, DM me.

 

[revsola]

@sonnalauurgent I am so sorry for your loss. That is absolutely devastating. I wish you all the best and hope you are able to fulfill your dream of becoming an amazing mother.

 

[slbowman25]

@sonnalauurgent I’m sending you a hug, OP.

 

[jctats]

@sonnalauurgent Do not make a decision when you are in so much grief or so happy.

 

[ramyaneelima]

@sonnalauurgent I’m so sorry that you lost your partner. Take some time to “heal”, I had to put it in “” as I know there is no full healing from a loss like this. Take some time for yourself and remember all the things your partner was there for and all the things you experienced together. You’re still young, I know some people know their one from a young age. I met my husband at 18, I’m now 32. But it doesn’t mean that he’s not going to be a part of your life, honour his memory and see what comes. Sending love to you, yours and your partners family xx

 

[lunalotte1188]

@sonnalauurgent Go for it. Good for you! You got this!