My Chinese grandmother threatened to hit my son.. and refuses to apologize

[jerleene]

@driltech Simply: she’s just not up with the times.

Just to put things into a larger perspective, and spare you from the pain of forever vilifying your grandmother.
Every generation has their own rules, morals, regulations, etc. we can’t assume grandmother is bad bad bad to the bone. Every generation responds to showing care, love, confrontation and correction differently… as with any social trend. Times change.
What “goes” and is permissible today will be different in 20…40…60 years. Is that a painful pill to swallow when grandma offends, of course. Might you (and ALL of us) be in her shoes in 60 years? Yes. Gulp.
As much as you may definitively feel your grandmother’s behavior is not permissible, consider the legions and eras and generations past who are/have simply doing/done what they think/thought is right.
It’s human nature to do what’s right— I truly believe. When we consider that the confusing and conflicting paradigm that what is “right” changes with the times, maybe it’s a moment for humor and compassion. There’s nothing else we can really do about grandmas’s social protocol or programming other than accept her and help your child understand some of the first painful ironies of life: imperfect and flawed people may not be “bad”and may indeed be attempting to show love. Best of luck to you

 

[bryanlove]

@driltech My mom is half chinese and she raised me like that. I was hit multiple times and I still carry the trauma even I am in my late 30's. Don't let her come near your son. She's 80 and her culture of hitting children will not gonna change. Save your son from her.

 

[tulip2012]

@driltech She’s stuck in her ways. Never ever leave him alone with her and loudly correct your LO if she says anything horrid like that - “playing clean up is okay with me! I promise nobody will hit you.”

 

[got2stop]

@driltech I personally wouldn’t ever leave my child alone around her, and would greatly limit visits/wouldn’t have any “unnecessary” visits. So no visits just because, but if there was a family dinner over the holidays or something and she would be there, I’d probably go but just keep my son separate from her as much as possible.

 

[parent69]

@driltech Genuine question, your son understands that at 2? My son turns 3 soon and I don’t think he’d understand what was even said / maybe just not care? Should he be able to? No complaints at school about his understanding levels.

 

[driltech]

@parent69 I think every child is different in terms of their comprehension levels, but he’s considered quite intelligent for his age. He already reads 80-100 characters in Chinese, understands and speaks in 4 languages to different language speakers. So he is very aware and he cried right after she threatened him, before I even intervened..

 

[coolguybrad]

@parent69 There’s a wide range of “normal” as far as interpreted language goes, but my son isn’t quite two and he definitely would understand a major negative change in tone even if he didn’t understand a threat of being hit (though honestly I think he would understand that, too).

 

[parent69]

@coolguybrad My son definitely does not then or has 0 reaction. Im not sure which it is, but he may just be slightly more stubborn lol! Thank you for your feedback. I can threaten him (not in a real threat way but like a “if you keep doing xyz we will have to xyz” kind of way) and his reaction is always the most neutral that I have to wonder if he even heard me lmao. He’s a good boy though, just was curious!

 

[coolguybrad]

@parent69 My guess would be that it’s just different coming from because you’re safe for him, & if it was coming from someone else. I’d imagine you also aren’t using an aggressive tone of voice either, which would generally be something even pretty young kids can interpret.

Little kids jobs are to push boundaries, & they do that a lot more when they’re safe- which is exhausting as the parent lol, but normal. My daughter is a lot more likely to ignore me than someone she sees less often or doesn’t know well.