Got an 'answer' for my "next level" velcro baby. I was too stressed while pregnant.

[nazpastor]

My MCN: "Were you stressed while pregnant?"

"Yes, aside from the frequent medical issues during my pregnancy, I had x, y and z happen. I'm still going through y and z."

My MCN: "That makes sense then. Being so stressed while pregnant can make your baby need extra support and reassurance once they're here. He's already in survival mode as a baby, but because he was around so much more stress while developing, he's in an extra level of fight or flight. I see most mums and bubs with babies like yours coming from stressful situations. There's nothing more that you can do other than reassure them that they're okay."

So that's it. I made my baby like this? I failed him while he was in the womb, while he was meant to be in the safest place of all?

The mum guilt is really getting at me tonight as I lay in a bed that hasn't been washed in a month because he screams when I put him down. As I lay down to try and sleep knowing I have 5 loads of washing surrounding me that I have to sort and put away because he has cried every time I've tried to do it. As sleep barely creeps in before I jolt back awake knowing that my husband has barely bonded with our baby because he's constantly crying unless he's in my arms.

14 weeks of this. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I love him so much but I'm so tired. But knowing that I've done this? I feel like I can't stop putting him first, trying to take away those tears and cries because it's my fault.

 

[makubexx]

@nazpastor Give me a break. There’s no real definitive explanation so she decided to make up this utter crap. I was extremely stressed during my first pregnancy due to serious external factors and was in L&D for stress related contractions, weight loss and dehydration (separate times). Yet he was my most independent baby and still isn’t super touchy feely as a kid. My third pregnancy I was by far the most chill, happy and stable, but she was a Velcro baby and still is a very clingy child. Temperament and personality transcend our control, and it’s wrong to blame you and your experiences for that.

 

[russ98]

@makubexx Hard agree. This is the need for the medical establishment to have an answer for everything that may possibly happen. Sometimes babies are just babies.

 

[roky23]

@russ98 I really wish they would say “I’m not sure” when they don’t know or “let me research that and get back to you.” I will never believe doctors who practice medicine and aren’t willing to admit a patient had a good question that they need to look up the answer to.

 

[lethimhear]

@makubexx Totally agree, there’s no way that we know anything about this.

Don’t get me wrong, there is good, well researched scientific connections between stress and pregnancy outcomes. Particularly, there’s an easily understandable connection that stress can cause high blood pressure, which in turn could cause preterm labor or low birth weight.

But any links to personality are tenuous at best, certainly enough that you wouldn’t be able to diagnose a baby from it.

 

[nicb]

@makubexx Yes, I agree. No need for OP to feel guilty! My mom had five kids and was stressed to death during all pregnancies, but guess what? All our temperaments and needs were vastly different as babies, ranging from very independent to super clingy.

I firmly believe it’s just genetics - my independent sister has been that way since she was born and has never really changed while my brother will be a mama’s boy until the day he dies.

 

[mrpink]

@makubexx Same, super stressed during pregnancy and my baby does not want to be held much!

 

[theseagullwithoneleg]

@makubexx This!! I was confused reading this bc both my newborns didnt and don’t like being touched at all just sit in their bouncers all day. N I’m the most stressed person you’ll meet lol

 

[richnlp]

@makubexx Could not agree more! I too had an extremely stressful, traumatic pregnancy with my first. I was a single mom when I had her and used to joke that it was like she knew how stressed I was and was like “we got this mom”. Now she’s 13 and thriving. Please do not blame yourself you are doing a wonderful job. This phase will pass. Please consider seeking other perspectives and alternative medical advice. Wishing you all the best mama. xo

 

[nehalal2613]

@nazpastor I strongly recommend speaking to a different MCN or doctor - that advice sounds terrible. I have experience with terrible MCN and it's so horrible when someone who is supposed to help you makes things worse. Something not a lot of people know is that you can change to see a nurse with a different council (I'm assuming you are in VIC, Aus) but please also report this interaction to the council.

 

[nazpastor]

@nehalal2613 Thank you for this, I actually didn't know you could ask to see someone else or change the council. I'll look into doing this before our next appointment.

I'll definitely look into reporting. I'm a little hesitant due to being in a rural council with a very tight-knit community

 

[newlight]

@nazpastor What is an MCN?

She's full of shit. Some babies are just like that.

 

[nehalal2613]

@newlight Maternal Child Nurse - they are funded and we get to see them at set times for the first few years of the child's life (if you're lucky, we don't get any in my council region after 8 weeks)

 

[joshuascribewell]

@newlight Maternal/Child Nurse(ing)… I think?

 

[nehalal2613]

@nazpastor Please think about reporting, pretty sure you can do it anonymously and it might make a difference for others in your area.

Definitely recommend moving to see a different nurse or through a different council, it might mean a drive if you are rural but it should make a difference.

 

[feelinglostagain]

@nazpastor A nurse said this to?! Wtf I'm a nurse. Report her. That's B.S. also at 14 weeks old it's a BABY and you are the mom and baby loves you.

 

[euthymios]

@nazpastor You also don’t have to go to the MCN appointments (I had an awful first one and my lactation consultant told me that it was optional). Another option, depending on how rural you are, is that you could see one in another council if you have parents or in laws there? Initially we had to see one near my in laws in the city as I had birth complications so couldn’t go home to our rural home. It was really easy to switch between the two.

 

[rania]

@nazpastor I’m sorry she said this to you and I hope I’m not too crass in saying what utter bullsh*t that is. I had a velcro baby, now I have a belcro toddler. I adore him and through lots of work he is okay with his dad and my mum. I was hardly stressed throughout my pregnancy. Like the usual, oh my gosh I’m having a baby but nothing wild happened. He is a sensitive, shy, observant little boy who would be glued to as much surface of my body as possible if he had his own way.

You’re an excellent mum doing the toughest job in the hardest stage.

 

[jennie1980]

@rania Same!! I was the chillest I had ever been in my life during pregnancy. Still have a sweet, sensitive boy who is a “Velcro baby”.

 

[truebeautyinside]

@jennie1980 Likewise, I had a very relaxed, unstressed pregnancy and my baby is still fairly Velcro at 6 months. Getting more chill about being put down for a bit but still needs to be held a fair bit.