Got an 'answer' for my "next level" velcro baby. I was too stressed while pregnant.
@nazpastor This response comes with unsolicited advice so if you're not in the right headspace to read it, just ignore this comment!
BUT...for me, babywearing was a godsend during the early postpartum period. All your baby wants is to be snuggled next to you so being able to accomplish that while having two arms free is so liberating. I was a little skeptical about the idea of a babywearing consultant but there are also a lot of online resources for free if it feel daunting. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it WILL get better, I promise!
BUT...for me, babywearing was a godsend during the early postpartum period. All your baby wants is to be snuggled next to you so being able to accomplish that while having two arms free is so liberating. I was a little skeptical about the idea of a babywearing consultant but there are also a lot of online resources for free if it feel daunting. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it WILL get better, I promise!
johnathan_d_hill
New member
@nazpastor Thats rediculous. All babies are born with their own temperament and personalities, my kids literally were born with their same personalities they have now at 7 and 10 years old.
@nazpastor You did NOT fail your baby.
The consequences of stress, depression and mental diseases during pregnancy on fetuses and newborns are NOT clear (it's my field of research), not even for much more definite things. There is NO evidence whatsoever on neonatal temperament or anything similar. Don't believe this.
The consequences of stress, depression and mental diseases during pregnancy on fetuses and newborns are NOT clear (it's my field of research), not even for much more definite things. There is NO evidence whatsoever on neonatal temperament or anything similar. Don't believe this.
mrlutrinae
New member
@nazpastor You didn’t fail your baby, you’re doing your best. Your child will grow up fine as long as you keep loving him and doing your best.
Everyone else is saying it’s BS but it’s not? I mean there’s been studies, quite a bit. Here’s one:
That doesn’t mean you should be kicking yourself. I was very depressed and stresssed with my second and he was also very clingy and scared. Everyday I work to make sure my kids feel safe and secure and loved. He still loves contact, but he has grown up so well, he can play by himself and doesn’t need me every second of the day (before he would scream if I inched away and wasn’t physically touching him in some way).
True or not, your child will be okay
Everyone else is saying it’s BS but it’s not? I mean there’s been studies, quite a bit. Here’s one:
That doesn’t mean you should be kicking yourself. I was very depressed and stresssed with my second and he was also very clingy and scared. Everyday I work to make sure my kids feel safe and secure and loved. He still loves contact, but he has grown up so well, he can play by himself and doesn’t need me every second of the day (before he would scream if I inched away and wasn’t physically touching him in some way).
True or not, your child will be okay
sisterfriend
New member
@nazpastor Echoing others here but it's NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't fail your baby. And sometimes it's ok to put him somewhere safe and let him cry a bit to do things like go to the bathroom alone, take a shower, etc. I read a statistic that said secure attachments still form even when you're only at like 70% responding to each and every need. And it sounds like you're aiming for 100% which is really tough/impossible! https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ar...arenting_is_not_the_same_as_secure_attachment
holesinmyfeet
New member
@nazpastor I was severely depressed during pregnancy. Would cry all day long for the last 3 months. My baby is very happy and likes to sleep and play independently
autumnsunsets
New member
@nazpastor Uhh I was not stressed during my pregnancies and I got two Velcro babies.
Also that sounds so not based in any science, I would be asking for some sources.
Also that sounds so not based in any science, I would be asking for some sources.
dannyboy11
New member
@autumnsunsets Same! I was the most relaxed I've ever been in my entire life during pregnancy and I can't put my 5 month down for more than 5 minutes without him screaming.
cyber_muscles
New member
@nazpastor I lost my mom while 6 months pregnant to cancer. It was an awful slow painful death towards the end - inevitably very stressful for me becoming a FTM to a little girl while losing my best friend
she was definitely a Velcro baby at first (still somewhat is) but she’s 3 months tomorrow and has fallen asleep independently as well as contact napped less and less throughout the day, sleeps in her bassinet all night and consistently gives us 6-7.5 hour stretches (I EBF). I think I needed all those cuddles in the beginning though. I think we BOTH needed the closeness. So thankful for my Velcro baby, but it does get better!! They grow so quickly
she was definitely a Velcro baby at first (still somewhat is) but she’s 3 months tomorrow and has fallen asleep independently as well as contact napped less and less throughout the day, sleeps in her bassinet all night and consistently gives us 6-7.5 hour stretches (I EBF). I think I needed all those cuddles in the beginning though. I think we BOTH needed the closeness. So thankful for my Velcro baby, but it does get better!! They grow so quicklyapelpiciemn
New member
@nazpastor You didn’t fail your baby. Regardless of the factuality of the doctor’s claims it’s not like You made the stress in your life happen. I feel like they’re just trying to help you understand it’s not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with your baby, and you’re doing the best you can. Big hugs
@nazpastor Okay wow. NOT your fault. Babies are babies. They NEED you. You did nothing wrong. That person thought they were giving you comfort and reassurance… and they’re an idiot. They’re wrong, you’re an amazing mama. Your baby loves you. They need your support, not because you fucked them up, but because you’re an amazing source of comfort to them.
If you’re suffering from PPA/PPD that is serious and you need to have it addressed, because that’s going to wear you down. Therapy and psychiatric care is far more accessible these days with virtual sessions and what not. Kids are kids. They’re a freaking roller coast. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself so you can be there for them.
If you’re suffering from PPA/PPD that is serious and you need to have it addressed, because that’s going to wear you down. Therapy and psychiatric care is far more accessible these days with virtual sessions and what not. Kids are kids. They’re a freaking roller coast. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself so you can be there for them.
helpmetohelpothers
New member
@nazpastor Highly recommend the book Nurture Revolution to you, published last year by a neuroscientist mom/doula. She explains the neurophysiology behind so many bany needs and behaviors from 0-3 and the science behind our relationship with them as parents (changes occur within us on the brain level far beyond the obvious).
I wish I had it for my 2021 kid and I can't recommend it more to all new parents
I wish I had it for my 2021 kid and I can't recommend it more to all new parents
andrewdias
New member
@nazpastor ABSOLUTE RUBBISH!!!!! This person needs to be fired. That is such dangerous crap to tell people. Honey it is ABSOLUTELY not your fault!! I also have a Velcro baby who is very demanding and high needs and have been down every dark mum guilt spiral. I spoke to my psychologist and a paediatrician about it and they both assured me that my baby is just ‘high needs’. Look up dr Sears explanation of different baby temperaments. Some are easy going, some are slow to rise and others are very intense. It is absolutely nothing we did, it is purely luck of the draw as to what kind of baby you get. Just like adults all have different personalities and temperaments, so do babies.
You’ve got this mama! You did absolutely nothing wrong and screw that person who told you that you did! Xx
You’ve got this mama! You did absolutely nothing wrong and screw that person who told you that you did! Xx
@nazpastor I have never been so relaxed in my life when pregnant and i still got colic, velcro baby. Honestly it felt like I was stoned most of it, people even joked I will get rude awakening.
This is bullshit.
This is bullshit.
@nazpastor Huh????? My cousin was STRESSED her entire pregnancy because she was terrified this would be the 6th or 7th miscarriage in a row. That baby sleeps all through the night and is the least crying baby I’ve ever seen…? 
don’t listen to her mama. The only for sure thing people can guarantee is that they come out with their own personality
don’t listen to her mama. The only for sure thing people can guarantee is that they come out with their own personalitycountrygirl55
New member
@nazpastor Nope. You did not make your baby clingy!! I've never even heard of this. My 4yo was a stage 5 clinger directly out of the womb, exactly the way you described your baby. I had a relatively stress-free pregnancy. I asked our pediatrician what was wrong, and she was like, "Some babies are just like this. Sorry." I have a two week old now, and I had an incredibly stressful pregnancy, and he is very relaxed and not clingy to me at all.
So no, I do not believe for a second that you caused your baby to be clingy. This time with a clingy baby is all caps HARD. I know it doesn't make it any easier now, but I promise you it does get better.
So no, I do not believe for a second that you caused your baby to be clingy. This time with a clingy baby is all caps HARD. I know it doesn't make it any easier now, but I promise you it does get better.
@nazpastor Even if that's true - which idk and cba to corroborate - you didn't "fail" your baby; you did amazing for them! You carried a pregnancy to term successfully through a stressful time, you're parenting through an incredibly stressful time.
You're not a failure - you're STRONG!
When mine went through a clingy period (not like yours, I was lucky) I wore them. It was the only way to get anything done. My partner wore them a few times - we'd switch out when baby got distressed and the time they would spend with Baba before reaching critical noise levels gradually increased. I bet you've tried wearing them, but I don't have much else to suggest.
Oh, and your husband? Needs to do some of those fucking chores. Now. He can book a day off work and catch up and look after the house and you. You're already doing MORE than a full-time job.
You're not a failure - you're STRONG!
When mine went through a clingy period (not like yours, I was lucky) I wore them. It was the only way to get anything done. My partner wore them a few times - we'd switch out when baby got distressed and the time they would spend with Baba before reaching critical noise levels gradually increased. I bet you've tried wearing them, but I don't have much else to suggest.
Oh, and your husband? Needs to do some of those fucking chores. Now. He can book a day off work and catch up and look after the house and you. You're already doing MORE than a full-time job.
@nazpastor TW SA, gun violence.
Hey, let me tell you this is not true at all. I had one of the most stressful pregnancies I think you can have (needing to move in a days notice due to natural disaster, partner getting drugged, robbed at gunpoint, and possibly SA’ed at a bachelor party, living thru another natural disaster in new house that left me 6 months pregnant and unhoused for 3 weeks, extreme prenatal anxiety that I endured unmedicated, finding out last minute I needed a c section) and my baby came out…so mellow. I was sure that my wild pregnancy would ruin him and he’s 100% happy to do his own thing most of the time unless he’s hangry.
Point here being: this wasn’t you, sometimes babies just need extra reassurance that their needs will be met! You are doing a great job and LO is lucky to have you helping them adjust to a big scary new world.
Hey, let me tell you this is not true at all. I had one of the most stressful pregnancies I think you can have (needing to move in a days notice due to natural disaster, partner getting drugged, robbed at gunpoint, and possibly SA’ed at a bachelor party, living thru another natural disaster in new house that left me 6 months pregnant and unhoused for 3 weeks, extreme prenatal anxiety that I endured unmedicated, finding out last minute I needed a c section) and my baby came out…so mellow. I was sure that my wild pregnancy would ruin him and he’s 100% happy to do his own thing most of the time unless he’s hangry.
Point here being: this wasn’t you, sometimes babies just need extra reassurance that their needs will be met! You are doing a great job and LO is lucky to have you helping them adjust to a big scary new world.
@nazpastor I’m calling BS on this. The amount of stress I had while pregnant and ended up with a non Velcro baby. Yeah. Your MCN is full of shit. Sorry.
Hugs momma. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re doing great and baby just really loves you and feels secure with you.
Right now it seems endless but this phase of life isn’t forever. I know it sucks hearing it but I’m going to say it because it’s true….in the blink of an eye this stage will be over and it’ll be the next phase and in 10 years you’re going to have a hormonal pre teen. I currently have a toddler who has had so many time outs this weekend for hitting dad and I that I forget what it’s like to enjoy a smiley baby and just get cuddles.
Hugs momma. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re doing great and baby just really loves you and feels secure with you.
Right now it seems endless but this phase of life isn’t forever. I know it sucks hearing it but I’m going to say it because it’s true….in the blink of an eye this stage will be over and it’ll be the next phase and in 10 years you’re going to have a hormonal pre teen. I currently have a toddler who has had so many time outs this weekend for hitting dad and I that I forget what it’s like to enjoy a smiley baby and just get cuddles.