My MCN: "Were you stressed while pregnant?"
"Yes, aside from the frequent medical issues during my pregnancy, I had x, y and z happen. I'm still going through y and z."
My MCN: "That makes sense then. Being so stressed while pregnant can make your baby need extra support and reassurance once they're here. He's already in survival mode as a baby, but because he was around so much more stress while developing, he's in an extra level of fight or flight. I see most mums and bubs with babies like yours coming from stressful situations. There's nothing more that you can do other than reassure them that they're okay."
So that's it. I made my baby like this? I failed him while he was in the womb, while he was meant to be in the safest place of all?
The mum guilt is really getting at me tonight as I lay in a bed that hasn't been washed in a month because he screams when I put him down. As I lay down to try and sleep knowing I have 5 loads of washing surrounding me that I have to sort and put away because he has cried every time I've tried to do it. As sleep barely creeps in before I jolt back awake knowing that my husband has barely bonded with our baby because he's constantly crying unless he's in my arms.
14 weeks of this. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I love him so much but I'm so tired. But knowing that I've done this? I feel like I can't stop putting him first, trying to take away those tears and cries because it's my fault.
"Yes, aside from the frequent medical issues during my pregnancy, I had x, y and z happen. I'm still going through y and z."
My MCN: "That makes sense then. Being so stressed while pregnant can make your baby need extra support and reassurance once they're here. He's already in survival mode as a baby, but because he was around so much more stress while developing, he's in an extra level of fight or flight. I see most mums and bubs with babies like yours coming from stressful situations. There's nothing more that you can do other than reassure them that they're okay."
So that's it. I made my baby like this? I failed him while he was in the womb, while he was meant to be in the safest place of all?
The mum guilt is really getting at me tonight as I lay in a bed that hasn't been washed in a month because he screams when I put him down. As I lay down to try and sleep knowing I have 5 loads of washing surrounding me that I have to sort and put away because he has cried every time I've tried to do it. As sleep barely creeps in before I jolt back awake knowing that my husband has barely bonded with our baby because he's constantly crying unless he's in my arms.
14 weeks of this. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I love him so much but I'm so tired. But knowing that I've done this? I feel like I can't stop putting him first, trying to take away those tears and cries because it's my fault.