Got an 'answer' for my "next level" velcro baby. I was too stressed while pregnant.

[ixoye116]

@nazpastor Look, in the kindest possible way I think she’s full of crap and please don’t make this another thing to blame yourself for - society will give you plenty of those before that baby is an adult!

I had a textbook pregnancy, very little stress and my baby was the velcro-est of velcro babies until about 6 months. He now goes down for naps on his own!

Most useful thing anyone said to me was that if you do need to do something and your baby is crying try to think about it in the context of how long they’ve cried in 24hrs, not how awful you feel in that moment. 10 mins of tears if you need to get something done is not going to damage them if you are consistently meeting their needs and being present.

 

[varzr]

@ixoye116 Same. I had a healthy and privileged pregnancy with lots of rest and self care. My mental health actually improved a ton due to the hormonal shift, I presume. Doesn't matter. My 6 week old is colicky and has expected me to be his human mattress and pacifier since the day he was born.

 

[leinand]

@varzr “Human mattress and pacifier”
Yes, this is our calling

 

[joshuascribewell]

@varzr Fellow mattress/pacifier combo here. Still. 16 months in. He is active and plays around the house independently all day long but at night… better not remove that boob from his reach or all hell breaks loose.

 

[chamberlain94]

@nazpastor The others have already addressed your sense of guilt.

From a more practical perspective, have you considered/tried baby wearing? My velcro toddler used to be a velcro newborn who would have crawled right back up where he came from if he could just to be as close as possible. There were days I didn't eat or use the bathroom when my husband was at work just to avoid the crying.

Our wraps were a game changer. I was able to use the bathroom and have a bite to eat without him going completely balalaika when he was in the wrap, and while I understood logically that he wasn't being harmed by lying on his own for 10 minutes, I was just totally worn out and didn't have the bandwidth for that level of screaming.

 

[nwmann]

@chamberlain94 Yes! Agree with baby wearing! I was too overwhelmed and sleep deprived to try to figure out the wrap at first and got an infantino carrier ($25US) and it was a game changer.

Also your husband needs to get on these chores. He should pick up laundry folding and changing the sheets since you physically can’t.

 

[abzin44]

@nwmann I wish I could upvote you more than once. Where is the husband?! There is no excuse for house chores to go undone when there are two adults living there.

 

[joshuascribewell]

@nwmann Omg that carrier saved my life after mine learned how to escape the stretchy and ring wraps at 7mo! I’ve got a fancy one now too that’s waaayyy more comfortable so I leave that one in the car behind his car seat for outings, keep the infantino in the house for those days when he gets ultra clingy whiny. Have a third in the trunk of the car that my husband found in a box of things from his deceased mother watching another grandbaby years ago.

Babywearing is a total game changer. Today might be one of those days.

 

[nwmann]

@joshuascribewell I’ve wondered how much of a difference there is between this cheap infantino one and a fancier carrier. We walk a bunch of miles a week with it and that’ll probably increase as it gets warmer. Baby boy is only 10 weeks but 15 pounds so definitely feeling some of those longer walks!

 

[joshuascribewell]

@nwmann Oh man, I got an ergobaby omni breeze right before Christmas, and it honestly has made a world of difference. They’re stupid expensive brand new, I got mine new on eBay for $90 which is is over half off and still a good chunk of money but boy is it worth it! Especially if you plan on walking a lot as baby grows.

My bub is 16mo and about 25lbs now, and also very long, and HOT. The adjustability, material, and lumbar support improvement are absolutely fantastic. I spent a few weeks researching all the different “fancy” brands before settling on this one because I always have to put it on and load him into it by myself, I’m super tall and have bad joint problems, and both of us run warm. While we still end up with boob sweat on both of us, I think the comfort level has improved immensely. It can be used in six ways but I’ve only done two because I’m scared of flopping my child around my back lol. For me it has 100% been worth the extra money and I wish I had bit the bullet sooner! About to slap him in there right now and get groceries!

That said, the infantino served us well when he was smaller and I definitely still have to give it props because you can’t beat the price! I highly recommend searching the internet for certain attributes that would be ideal for your body type and needs if you’re looking to upgrade. There are a lot of great picks and a wide range of prices. Every body and every baby is different, and I think there’s something out there for everyone. When you think you’ve dialed in the kind you like, look on eBay or even second hand sites and try to find one in good shape for less than retail price.

 

[nwmann]

@joshuascribewell This is super helpful, thank you so much!! Baby and I both run warm and it didn’t even occur to me that some of these carriers could help minimize that! I’ll do some homework and then probably try to buy on FB marketplace or somewhere since we’re in a major city. Thanks again!!

 

[soundslates]

@nwmann Agree. Husband needs to do laundry.

 

[decrypted]

@chamberlain94 Seconding the suggestion to baby wear! There's a bunch of different styles, so it's worth finding which one works best for you, but I've been able to change the sheets/do laundry, pick up the dog poo in the yard, make cookies, etc while baby wearing - total game changer.

 

[_ajayy_2014]

@chamberlain94 Yes!!! Baby wearing! Also, if OP needs like 5 mins to use the bathroom or whatever with both hands free I’d always remind myself “if baby is crying she is still breathing so she’s ok for the couple of minutes I need until I can get back to her” -not ideal but definitely relieved some of my anxiety about it. I’d talk to baby from the other room too reassuring her I’d be right back as quickly as possible.

 

[jgal]

@chamberlain94 Seconding baby wearing. I got so good at cooking dinner (nothing with hot oil on the stove though) and folding laundry with my daughter strapped to my chest so she can nap! Get a good swaddle with back support and you both get a little comfort from it

 

[crazydreamer]

@chamberlain94 Agreed as well on the baby wearing! I wore my velcro baby a lot, saved my sanity. I could never get the hang of the wrap style but I love the ergo baby embrace, which has more support and is easy to put on but still built for newborns.

My velcro newborn did grow into some independence as a toddler and enjoys being with people other than me. Still mostly a momma’s boy but he’s perfectly happy hanging out with Dad/Grandparents/friends and loves going to daycare.

 

[jasonryantruthalways]

@nazpastor Lol, what? This "advice" is the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

Here's a little anecdata for you. My first pregnancy was one medical issue (for me) after another, while working at a sprint to try and set up my team for success during maternity leave, and it ended in a traumatic 3-day induction turned c/s. My cousin's was as ideal as you can get. She left work as soon as she found out, was surrounded by family daily to help her with every little thing, and her daughter's birth was a breeze. Guess who got the stage 5 clinger who still can't be put down at two years old? Not me.

I hope you can work with someone else instead of this idiot.

 

[deogracias]

@jasonryantruthalways I posted the same exact reaction before seeing your comment - lol is exactly right. You’re spot on. The stuff people come up with is crazy. This MCN advice is on par with stuff I’d hear my MIL come up with (and you do NOT want to know what Facebook groups she’s part of)

 

[butterscoth]

@nazpastor Meh. He’s 14 weeks old and being a typical newborn and infant. You didn’t do anything to make him like this.

 

[renaser]

@nazpastor Yeah I’m gonna call bullshit on this…I’m sure there’s some sort of correlation between like cortisol levels in your blood and baby clingy-ness but as a scientist I don’t think I would find that study very compelling.

Some babies are just clingy. Mine is and I had a relatively peaceful pregnancy. It’s nothing you did and honestly that doctor seems like a jerk bc idk how that information helps you if true. But I do agree that the only way out is through. You can do this and your baby is LUCKY to have you.