My 10 year old niece (dx: high functioning ASD, ADHD and Anxiety) has very rigid/black and white thinking about most topics including gender. If you bring up an alternate view, she tends to escalate very quickly from 0 to 100 (angry). We need to discuss the topic of gender identity with her in the near future as one of our relatives that she knows well is transitioning from female to male.
I am writing a social story to introduce the concept of gender identity and am interested in feedback from anyone who has discussed this topic with rigid-thinking children with any success of understanding and acceptance. I have read numerous articles about introducing this topic to children but the articles all assume a neurotypical audience.
I will be including some pictures (not sure which ones yet), but I am posting the script that will be written on each page (numbered below). Any suggestions are much appreciated.
A story for [Name]: gender identity
When babies are born, the adults assign the baby a gender: male or female. Usually, this is based on what the baby’s body looks like.
There are lots of hormones and chemicals in our bodies. Those chemicals affect how our brain works and how we think and feel.
Some people labelled as female feel like girls. Some people labelled as male feel like boys. Their gender identity is cisgender.
Some people labelled as female feel like boys. Some people labelled as male feel like girls. Their gender identity is transgender.
Some people feel like boys AND girls. Some people feel like neither boys NOR girls. Their gender identity can be non-binary or gender-fluid.
It may take a person a long time to define their gender identity. It can be confusing when you feel different from what the adults labelled you when you were born.
Our family encourages everyone to say how they feel. Our family loves and accepts everyone.
We use the words that each person chooses. Some people choose he or she. Some people choose they.
Mommy and daddy can help answer your questions about gender identity.
@waterflow There’s a picture book called “It Feels Good to Be Yourself” that explains basically what you have above through the lens of a transgender girl and her friends/family. It doesn’t go into the hormonal aspect of it, though. It might be a nice resource for you to use as well.
@faith33 Omg, I didn’t realize she had written a book! I absolutely love her podcast and remember when her oldest transitioned. I’m going to add this one to our home library
@nyimbi I know! It's super interesting. That's all I could find when I googled "talking to kids with autism about gender". It was all articles about your ASD child coming out to you as transgender, but nothing about how to talk to ASD kids about gender identity in general. Which, given the greater prevalence in gender dysphoria in the ASD population seems counterintuitive...
@waterflow I also think autistic people will be more likely to empathize with someone who doesn't fit societal norms. Many autistic people with ASD have to learn social rules by rote, because they simply are not rational. Eye contact, hand-shaking, personal space, not telling people you don't like their clothes... the list is endless for arbitray rules that don't actually have a clear pragmatic function. When autistic people learn to follow these rules it's called masking and it's tiring. Having a body and a set if norms that don't fit you has a lot of parallels
@manofgod7 I totally agree! But, she doesn't seem to identify as masking. I feel like these concepts are sort of accepted by adults with autism but it doesn't always seem like the children draw the parallel. She also gets upset with autism and it's traits being discussed overtly so it's hard to explicitly draw out the parallels for her. But, it's a really good point you bring up and I'll discuss it with her mom some more to see if we can find a good way of presenting gender-diversity as sharing some common ground with neurodiversity!
@waterflow I think I would include a brief definition of gender vs sex near the beginning. Kids with autism sometimes struggle with concepts like this because it doesn't fit into the "rules" they have learned, hence the frustration, so understanding that gender and sex are different or that even among cisgender people that gender expression can be different is important. If you want to start it off with more socratic questioning, I would ask your niece what are some ways that boys and girls are different. She may say something like girls have long hair, then ask if she knows any girls who don't. This leads to a discussion of how everyone gets to choose how to express their gender, then your first point of how gender is decided at birth.
Adults assign a sex to a baby, based on how their genitals look. Adults assume that a person’s gender will match their assigned sex.
We develop a gender identity. Usually this matches our sex assigned at birth, but sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t match, people may want to make changes to help them feel more comfortable.
People may make social changes (name, hair, clothes etc.) that better reflect their gender.
People may also make medical changes, but peoples’ medical information is private and not something for us to ask about.
@cgsad "Assign" doesn't sound like an accurate description of what's going on with sex... it sounds kind of arbitrary, like giving someone a name.
Maybe "describe" or "determine" would be better.
@katrina2017 It’s the standard terminology that’s used by medical professionals and trans/gender diverse communities. At least in Australia it is.
Source: I work in sexual health, including educating young people with disabilities and complex learning needs, in close consultation with a gender wellbeing service.
ETA:
The reason that it’s assign is because not actually determining sex. Genitals are one aspect of biological sex, but not the only one. Chromosomes, hormonal patterns and reproductive organs are other parts. Of course, those aren’t used when assigning sex. An estimated 1.7% of the world’s population is intersex (has characteristics more diverse than stereotypical definitions of male/female bodies). Very often people who are intersex are assigned a sex at birth that is incorrect, because it’s based on incomplete information.
It still sounds like a misleading word choice to me though. Because it's implying that biological sex is something conferred on an individual by society, rather than being determined by the biological factors to which you refer.
@katrina2017 The medical professionals are actually categorizing patients with regard to sex, so it is 100% accurate. They are "assigned" to that category.
@jk4418 The comment I replied to contained the phrase "Adults assign a sex to a baby". If they were using it in the manner you suggest, the wording would be "assign a baby to a sex category".
So you appear to be using the word "assign" in a different sense.
