It’s been 2 years... & I wish I could go back

[katrina2017]

@carrye4christ kudos to him for not stringing you along. he could be having his cake and eating it too... but he isnt.

you need to live your life and it's not with him. Move out, get a custody arrangement, and move on.

easier said than done? of course... but it needs to be done.

 

[carrye4christ]

@katrina2017 I will give ya that. He isn’t a liar. He will be so blunt you wish he would just lie. But I agree. I hope covid comes to a end very soon.

 

[katrina2017]

@carrye4christ at least you get to be Canadian

 

[katrina2017]

Lol agreed. I would much rather be a single parent in Canada than America. You get a lot of support here through the government as well as privately

 

[jesusisgod88]

@carrye4christ I’m so sorry you’re going through this since it sounds awful but the best “revenge” against narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths etc is to be your best self. Get educated, independent, strong inside and out, however that works in your situation and prove you don’t need him. It’s not easy for sure, but I personally think that’ll be the best long-term outcome for you and your daughter. It sounds like his family is at least willing to help with childcare and some support in the meantime and having dual citizenship is a great blessing too. Get all the benefits you can from this situation and leave his sorry ass in the dust

 

[carrye4christ]

@jesusisgod88 Heck yaaaa friend. Being my best self is what I’m doing. Right now he has 10000% financial control of me. I need him to wipe my ass. Which isn’t a great position to be in. So I’m doing everything I can to make that not the thing anymore

 

[katrina2017]

@carrye4christ Welcome from a fellow Canadian! I hope Canada treats you well. I definitely agree with the comments here. It's really sweet that his family treats you well and is letting you live with them. I'd absolutely recommend that you set yourself up to be on your own asap though! I just think that it would be crazy hard to move on/develope feelings for anyone else well you're constantly surrounded by him and his family. Also I know how hard it is to move on from somebody you loved/still love. Even if theyre shitty or pushing you away. When you truly love someone losing them hurts like hell no matter what. I was there once. Blinded by love. I really thought that this guy was my soul mate (makes me want to throw up thinking about it now) but yeah for me to fall out of love with this guy it literally had taken me finding out this guy had plans to poison me so I'd lose my baby, that wasn't even his might I add. And obviously after finding that out how could anyone in their right mind not absolutely despise him from my position. But anyways my point is when you're head over heals for someone you can be completely blind to just how undesirable someone is. Like as soon as I was out of his grasp and away from him. I really put all the shitty things he did into perspective and now I'm just ashamed that I wasted my time on somebody so pathetic and vile. From the sounds of it your baby daddy isn't the greatest guy, sleeping around, treating you like a piece of meat initially when you were hooking up and just kinda immature. Im not trying to be like this guys a monster run as fast as you can. But anybody deserves better than that kind of treatment. And letting yourself love someone that treats you like that is going to hurt you and your daughter in the long run. So id really try and put his actions in perspective and look at the things he's done and ask yourself do I really want to love this man? Am I really going to give this man that power? Because I can say from experience, you can want someone so badly, with all your heart that it blows every bit of logic, respect and facts out the window. Sometimes you really have to open your eyes to what a person really is, to let go of what you thought they were.

 

[carrye4christ]

@katrina2017 Dang that was deep. I’m sorry for the path you endured. I couldn’t imagine that. Sometimes I feel like he trapped me with a baby. He’s a “superhero” in his own book. He loves broken women. And he loves to hold the power. Even when I tel him about my business ideas he just says hope it works out for you. Vs I always give him a round of applause when he gets the slightest bit of a good job. Yeah I don’t think it’s possible to find love with someone else in this environment. His parents are the most supportive people in the world. Unfortunately this whole situation has opened there eyes to the kind of person he truly is. Honestly it would be worse if he married me because he had too. I just wish sometimes he gave us a chance. But honestly I think it’s just the time that makes me go blind.

Idk how he does it. I wish I could be inside his head.

 

[katrina2017]

@carrye4christ It's okay, I manage. My daughters healthy, intelligent and thriving and thats all that really matters to me

I get feeling stuck, but just know even though it's hard and not how you want things to be. Your child's gonna bring you a life time of happiness. On another note, Oh yeah that gives me some big time narcissism/sociopath vibes. Especially if hes the kind of person that thinks he does no wrong/avoides recognizing the faults in his own actions. Everything about that is a Yikes... moment. As a general rule (of course there is exceptions) i find that people who search for broken people as love interests and such are doing it because they find them to be easy prey. Girl I know its hard but I'd try my best if I were you to put that kind of thing to bed. You could try to understand him/what he really wants forever. But you'll die trying. Like manipulative people just have a way of getting people to do what they want and I've spent a lifetime trying to make sense of that kind of shit and turned up empty handed everytime like obsessing over it and him and his choices will just make you miserable. And ik its hard to listen to a bunch of strangers advice but don't let yourself imagine what could be or want him to give you a chance because. I hate to be so blunt but you're kinda just filling yourself with an unrealistic sense of hope based on everything you've said.

 

[carrye4christ]

Hii Washington. I don’t see my
Other comment. My wifi is being funky. I wasn’t aware till the very end he was just being a h o e.
I was very scared of that. By the time I decided to cut him off I got the pink lines. Which was heartbreaking. I cried everyday of my pregnancy because I just didn’t want to be a mom. Tho I support your body your choice. It just wasn’t an option for me. I didn’t plan on moving to Canada but because of the pandemic it wouldn’t have been a good life for my daughter. I had to make a really tough call. If it was me I would have gone home. But she needs her dad and her family. Besides him. I love his family. They are the best and his whole family is blown away by his actions. I just think he has his mind set that we aren’t compatable which I don’t think is true. He is a clown. I wish I could get away. I have been stacking away my stimulus checks and tax refunds. So I can save up
Enough money to support her and I!

 

[godlife]

@carrye4christ I wasted 10 years of my life waiting for my ex to love me. be a healthy family put up with cheating and abuse the whole time. it isnt worth it they will never love u. my advice accept facts take time to heal. give ur daughter a happy healthy environment to grow up in

 

[danielchavez86]

@carrye4christ Aw love, I’m sorry you’re hurting and have been treated so badly. I’m glad you’re going to therapy and that his family are good to you and your daughter but this isn’t a good situation to be in for your own mental health. He doesn’t sound like someone worth being around let alone pining over. I say this with all the love that I can and I hope you don’t take offence to this but why do you feel you deserve to be treated this way? Would you want someone to treat your daughter like this? Sometimes regardless of how our hearts feel, we need to do what’s best for ourselves no matter how much we want to resist it.

When I separated from my ex, everything in my body was telling me no. The fear of being alone, not having someone there, not feeling worthy enough. But that was all because of my own low sense of self worth. I definitely encourage finding your own independence and who you are in your own life. You need separation and less codependency/enmeshment in his life, he’s shown you repeatedly that you aren’t what he wants and you shouldn’t have to subject yourself to feeling unwanted either. You are a strong and capable woman who deserves to feel happy within herself and about her life. There are other people out there who will gladly want you in their life and you have a right to feel happy too. Not only is this not good for you but it’s also not a healthy relationship to role model for your daughter, whether or not you realise it, kids are always paying attention in subtle and not so subtle ways. We don’t give them enough credit but they do pick up on our emotions, our mental state and what they grow up around is what they’ll deem normal. I know you wouldn’t want your daughter feeling the way you do, so do what’s best for the both of you and start rebuilding yourself into the strong woman you know you are.

I wish you and your daughter all the best because you deserve it.