Disappointed that I couldn’t handle the pain of giving birth unmedicated

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voice_itw

New member
I really wanted an unmedicated birth, but I always said if I really needed it I would get an epidural. I made it to 7 cm and the contractions were back to back. There was no laboring tub and I couldn’t use the shower to reduce pain because they had me strapped to monitors and an iv. (Baby’s heart rate plummeted when I started pushing on my back so I’m grateful for the monitors)

I couldn’t sit still through the contractions and remember worrying that if I can’t sit still now, how would they place the epidural if I decided to get it later when my water broke and the pain was worse.

I ended up getting the epidural which made everything so much more chill. Baby was sunny side up and I was able to use the peanut ball for an hour or so which flipped her (may not have been able to do that w out epidural bc I couldn’t lay still before I got it). I got the epidural around 11:30 and baby was born just after 4:30 so it could’ve been 5 hours of agony before she got here had I went unmedicated.

I guess I just feel like I let myself down and couldn’t handle what other women can. When I see videos or hear women talk about their unmedicated births I’m jealous and feel sad. I don’t have negative feelings for other women who choose epidurals or get c sections so I wish I could just not be so hard on myself.

Idk if I’ll have more than one baby so I feel like I missed my chance for the birth I hoped for.

Idk what im even looking for by posting this. I guess validation that it’s fine I got the epidural?

I keep reminding myself that everything happened the way it was supposed to because I have a beautiful, healthy baby and that should be all that matters
 
@voice_itw I was hoping and planning for an unmedicated birth but ended up needing to be induced because my water broke and I didn’t go into labour for >24 hours.
Laboured through extremely painful pitocin contractions for about 8 hours before requesting a cervical check. All this while I wasn’t able to go into the positions I wanted to because the IV was placed in an awkward spot, if I bent my elbow for too long all the monitors would start beeping. I was only 4 cm and that was the last straw, decided to go for the epidural. Turns out it was a good decision. I was able to sleep for 3 hours and get some rest.
At that point the midwife did another cervical check and I had progressed to 9.5 cm. When it was time to push, I was still able to feel the contractions albeit they were not painful.

My beautiful son was born in a very calm and joyous environment and I’d like to think it was because the pain element was minimized.

Don’t beat yourself up for any decision you made. Epidurals exist for a reason and just because you got one doesn’t mean you wimped out!
 
@voice_itw I got the epidural but it stopped working right before it was time to start pushing. I was begging for death. Please don’t be disappointed. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. Congratulations on your new baby ❤️
 
@katrina2017 Mine did the same! I’ll never know if it was full on labor pain but it was fairly suddenly okay-then-miserable right when pushing. I wonder if there’s just a threshold that the end of labor just crosses over sometimes.
 
@voice_itw I had an epidural for the same reason I take Tylenol when I have a headache, just because I’m in pain doesn’t mean I need to suffer through it. You’re no less a badass mom for benefiting from the miracle of modern medicine, and I imagine many women from many many years ago would’ve killed to be given the same choice.
 
@voice_itw It’s fine that you got it. I got it too when I originally didn’t want it, had my baby in December. Would you judge me for getting it?Probably not. So you definitely shouldn’t judge yourself. You didn’t let yourself down.

Epidurals exist to make our lives easier. If that’s the right option for us in our situation, why not take advantage? You went through 10 months of growing and nurturing a human, with a ton of symptoms and discomfort, and that is more than enough suffering as it is.

Try not to be too hard on yourself ❤️
 
@voice_itw I listened to a lot of podcasts and read a lot of birth stories in preparation for first time birth ( I have a two month old). I said I wouldn’t get an epidural if I didn’t need one.

Well, the birth was nothing like I thought. I was high stress from the jump because the doctor went to break my water without talking to me first, so I’m laying there trying to talk through the process/options with a doctor’s hand in my cervix while I haven’t eaten for 16 hours. Then I was told I couldn’t use the showers because of the monitors which really pissed me off because I asked about using the showers in labor after I was admitted but before this happened and was assured I would be able to use them.

Needless to say, I got the epidural. My babe is safe, I’m safe. And I don’t blame myself.
 
@voice_itw I felt so much more in control after I got my epidural, which I opted for a few hours after I had been assessed at 7 cm. My contractions were also pretty much back-to-back and I couldn’t relax. But after the epidural I was able to get some rest and push productively, and enjoy the experience instead of being in fight/flight mode due to the pain.
 
@voice_itw All I can say is: things happen for a reason. Where you and babe are now is what matters.

I was hoping to have a natural birth, but about a month early I found out my littles was breach. They gave me two options since the hospital here doesn’t deliver breach: turn the baby or planned c section. At first I was planning on turning, but then after reading about it and hearing someone (a nurse came to my job) talked about it, I felt way nervous about that decision. After the turn, there was no guarantee that she wouldn’t end up breach again and then I’d need an emergency c section. I then read about the difference between the two and man…so I went with planned c section and here we are almost 5 months later. ❤️

Things happen for a reason. Enjoy where you are and who’s with you. You did great!
 
@voice_itw Girl, don't feel bad at all. That pain can be earth shattering and until you're experiencing it, you can't know how you'll react and what's best. You are a champ either way. Congrats!
 
@voice_itw If it helps, I had two epidurals plus they had to use forceps for delivery. I usually have a very high pain tolerance but I just could not handle it. Baby is now 14 months and I don't really care. It bothered me in the first few weeks though.

Also, I think the real fear is "am I not as strong as I thought?" But then I think, what nonsense. I mean I run freaking marathons. Since when does undergoing a painful medical procedure without medication make you "strong?" If it was any other procedure (surgery, etc.) of course you'd take the pain medication. Plus, every birth is different. I don't think we can compare our pain to another's and know "who had it worse."
 
@voice_itw If you had a bad headache, you could take medicine or take nothing. But nobody's gonna give you a prize for toughing it out. And anyone here can tell you that labor is just slightly more painful than a headache.

You'll learn very quickly that everything you do for the foreseeable future is in service of your baby. But to provide your baby with the best, you have to take care of yourself too. Don't let yourself suffer through needless pain.

The entire point of the pregnancy was to grow a healthy baby and get it out of you. Job well done!
 
@voice_itw Someone gave me advice to pass on to my wife. "Don't be a hero, take the drugs" lol. We use medicine on a regular basis for all kinds of things, I don't know why many choose labor as the place to draw the line in the sand. You wouldn't get a root canal without the anesthesia.

That being said, everyone has different tolerances for different kinds of pain. I wouldn't take it as a personal failure. And let's get one thing straight... You're creating life with your body. It's one of the most amazing things I've ever gotten to witness. My wife can do things for our daughter that I simply cannot. The strength it takes to create that baby and carry it to term is astounding. The toll that labor takes on you is enough without being in excruciating pain. Then you nourish that baby with your body. No less than a miracle.

You are one amazing mama and don't get down on yourself over this.
 
@voice_itw As a labor and delivery nurse, I can say every birth is unique and beautiful. But those sunny side up babies are painful! And that position makes labor last so much longer. Be proud of yourself for the work you put in and maybe stop reading/listening to birth stories for a while. I know I wasn’t there, but it sounds like you did an amazing job and put in some hard work! Try to take pride in that and focus on healing.
 
@voice_itw Girl, I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with you.

So, I had an OP birth in a birth center unmedicated and I'm pretty sure I should have had an epidural. By the time I truly needed relief, I had tunnel vision and chose not to transfer to a hospital with an on-site anesthesiologist. But I still had 6 hours from that point to when baby was born. I was past pain and deep into suffering. The sheer physical pain of the contractions was so bad and unending, I wished I'd just die. I did feel like a badass after because I powered through, but I don't think that level of suffering was a reasonable thing to have myself to go through. I was expecting intensity and pain, but what I got was actually traumatic. After some processing I have mostly positive feelings about it, but in the first few days postpartum I was reliving the most intense moments over and over again.

I haven't heard a lot of "natural" birth stories that emphasized the pain, and I felt disappointed with myself that I struggled so much. Is there something wrong with me that I couldn't cope?

I'm nearly 5 months postpartum now. I've been obsessed with reading birth stories, talking to women who have given birth, and trying to figure out why the pain was so horrific for me. I did a lot of prep work and learning for labor, and I've had high pain tolerance and endurance in other aspects of life.

What I've decided is that some births are manageable and some are less manageable (in my case: OP baby, back labor, 50+ hours of contractions). Low-intervention/physiologic birth is an awesome ideal to have. But sometimes you don't get the kind of birth that is manageable that way. I powered through mine, but I was not coping.

Your disappointment and wondering is real. And I wanted to tell you that on the other side, I have disappointment and wondering too -- about how much more peaceful my experience could have been if I'd gotten an epidural.

ETA: I think comments like "you don't get a medal for doing it unmedicated" and "you wouldn't go through surgery without meds" can be dismissive of your disappointment/grief if you wanted a low-intervention birth. If they're rubbing you the wrong way, just throwing in my 2 cents: I know you weren't seeking a medal, and giving birth isn't the same sort of thing as a surgery for a broken bone. You had valid reasons for wanting the kind of birth you did!
 
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