Daddy sleeping in
- Thread starter nessofonett05
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@nessofonett05 That sucks so much. I cannot even imagine how drained you are. :/
dawnhammer
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@nessofonett05 and THAT is what is fundamentally unfair
dawnhammer
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confused71f3
New member
@nessofonett05 My husband always gets up with the baby if the baby is up before 6. If after 6 then it's me before he goes to daycare at 7. On weekends I usually sleep in until 7. This was his idea because he came to the conclusion he will never be able to match all the mental invisible labor I do throughout the day but he recognizes that it's definitely inequal so he makes up for it by taking mornings
nessofonett05
New member
@confused71f3 That is so amazing.
@nessofonett05 I think he can want in one hand and **** in the other, and see which one fills up first. What is he doing to treat his apnea?
Realistically, I’d put a twin bed in the nursery so I could sleep in there with baby, as I don’t see him helping with baby #2 at night and sleep is going to be a constant argument anyway. Might as well be comfortable.
Realistically, I’d put a twin bed in the nursery so I could sleep in there with baby, as I don’t see him helping with baby #2 at night and sleep is going to be a constant argument anyway. Might as well be comfortable.
@nessofonett05 Maybe he needs to go to the Dr for a full physical exam and to rule out any other health issues that might be making or contributing to him being tired/needing more sleep.
@nessofonett05 Sorry, but he is being incredibly selfish and juvenile.
You don't get quiet breakfasts any more when you have little kids.
You don't get to be a "high needs sleeper" when you have little kids.
It's all about equality (as much as is possible because let's be real, Moms will ALWAYS get the short end of the stick.)
I assume he also never gets up for the middle of the night wakings?
Nope. He needs to grow up and deal.
You don't get quiet breakfasts any more when you have little kids.
You don't get to be a "high needs sleeper" when you have little kids.
It's all about equality (as much as is possible because let's be real, Moms will ALWAYS get the short end of the stick.)
I assume he also never gets up for the middle of the night wakings?
Nope. He needs to grow up and deal.
nessofonett05
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@nessofonett05 If he doesn’t want a toddler on his lap, it should be his problem. You deserve an hour to yourself on weekend mornings if he’s sleeping inS
goldensilver
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@nessofonett05 I know you weren't asking me 
but personally I don't think he's asking too much not having the toddler in his lap BUT he needs to deal with it. He either needs to spend time with the toddler before he eats so their needs are met or set the boundary with the toddler. It's not your responsibility to entertain the toddler who's confused about why dad won't engage with them when you've already been up with them for a couple hours. My husband and I switch off every day. He works from home so on work days one of us gets up with the toddler and the other sleeps until 7:45. Then on our weekend day we sleep in til whenever. When it's our turn to sleep in the other person does night wake ups. That way we can count on every other day getting a good, full night's sleep.
but personally I don't think he's asking too much not having the toddler in his lap BUT he needs to deal with it. He either needs to spend time with the toddler before he eats so their needs are met or set the boundary with the toddler. It's not your responsibility to entertain the toddler who's confused about why dad won't engage with them when you've already been up with them for a couple hours. My husband and I switch off every day. He works from home so on work days one of us gets up with the toddler and the other sleeps until 7:45. Then on our weekend day we sleep in til whenever. When it's our turn to sleep in the other person does night wake ups. That way we can count on every other day getting a good, full night's sleep.@nessofonett05 100%
coertzenjfs
New member
@nessofonett05 I would not consider that schedule tons of sleep. 8-9 hours is well within the range of normal sleep needs (I’m an NP.)
That said- his needs don’t outweigh your needs. He needs to make adjustments that you are also getting “time not bothered by your toddler” and adequate sleep. Exactly how that should look depends on you. Taking a “how can we make sure we both get adequate sleep and time” is the way to go. (While also realizing your feelings of resentment are valid and reasonable, just not helpful in solving the problem.)
So ask him what he thinks is fair. To me reasonable options might be: he does bedtime so you get freetime in the evening and can go to sleep earlier or you alternate who gets up with the kids in the AM etc.
That said- his needs don’t outweigh your needs. He needs to make adjustments that you are also getting “time not bothered by your toddler” and adequate sleep. Exactly how that should look depends on you. Taking a “how can we make sure we both get adequate sleep and time” is the way to go. (While also realizing your feelings of resentment are valid and reasonable, just not helpful in solving the problem.)
So ask him what he thinks is fair. To me reasonable options might be: he does bedtime so you get freetime in the evening and can go to sleep earlier or you alternate who gets up with the kids in the AM etc.
nessofonett05
New member
@coertzenjfs He wishes he could have more sleep than what he’s getting. But I understand. Thanks
@nessofonett05 Is he actually sleeping or just laying there in solitude on his phone until that time?
If he hasn’t had a reassessment of his CPaP in recent years, especially if he’s gained weight, he may need his pressure prescription increased. It’s possible it’s not effective anymore.
If he hasn’t had a reassessment of his CPaP in recent years, especially if he’s gained weight, he may need his pressure prescription increased. It’s possible it’s not effective anymore.
nessofonett05
New member
@nessofonett05 When you get a cpap machine your machine generally has a memory card that contains information about his sleep breathing. A sleep apnea therapist looks at the data and assesses whether or not the level of pressure is working.
CPAP machines aren’t a one size fits all situation, so if you bought his second hand or off eBay or something you need a sleep apnea specialist to be looking at the level of pressure set and if his breathing is adequately improved with the machine.
He gets a reassessment by calling the place he bought the machine from to ask for an appointment. If he didn’t buy the machine from an actual clinic then he needs to call a sleep apnea place, explain he needs an assessment on a 3rd party machine, and probably pay an assessment fee.
Edit to add: Some people need quite high pressures to fix their apneas. If he needs a high pressure (ex: 16 cmH2O) and his machine is only set to 6 cmH2O then the machine isn’t doing anything for him. It would be like rubbing a Tylenol pill on your head for a headache instead of actually taking the Tylenol; the pressure isn’t getting to where it needs to be
CPAP machines aren’t a one size fits all situation, so if you bought his second hand or off eBay or something you need a sleep apnea specialist to be looking at the level of pressure set and if his breathing is adequately improved with the machine.
He gets a reassessment by calling the place he bought the machine from to ask for an appointment. If he didn’t buy the machine from an actual clinic then he needs to call a sleep apnea place, explain he needs an assessment on a 3rd party machine, and probably pay an assessment fee.
Edit to add: Some people need quite high pressures to fix their apneas. If he needs a high pressure (ex: 16 cmH2O) and his machine is only set to 6 cmH2O then the machine isn’t doing anything for him. It would be like rubbing a Tylenol pill on your head for a headache instead of actually taking the Tylenol; the pressure isn’t getting to where it needs to be
@nessofonett05 Your husband needs to have a sleep study done and get himself a CPAP machine. Not only is sleep apnea bad for sleep, it also puts a lot of stress on the heart and can cause long term damage if not addressed.
CPAP might take some time to get used to but it is literally a lifesaver. His sleep quality is going to improve x1000, and then no more excuses for this 1 sided arrangement. You need rest too.
CPAP might take some time to get used to but it is literally a lifesaver. His sleep quality is going to improve x1000, and then no more excuses for this 1 sided arrangement. You need rest too.