@nessofonett05 Then he can go to bed at 9 or 8:30. As long as kids are down and clean up is done. I’m also a high needs sleeper and I go to bed early so I can evenly split the mornings with my husband. I have way less me time than he does but I get the sleep I need.
@nessofonett05 My husband goes to sleep—not just bed, but phone off, eyes closed—by 8 p.m. most nights after putting our toddler to bed. So 9:30 p.m. doesn’t sound early to me!
@lelstone9653 How does your husband feel/do with not having time to do things he likes in the evenings by going to bed early?
My husband stays up late after the kids are in bed so he can have time to hang out, play games, etc. without the kids. Like 11:30-midnight or later if he's feeling depressed or anxious
@loulou1 I think right now he’s just resigned to this not being a season of life where he has much time in the evenings for his own activities. He wakes up early (like 4 am, sometimes earlier) to get some professional development and hobby stuff done before work starts, and that’s his preferred solo/child-free time of the day. It helps that he’s naturally an early bird so he is pretty eager for sleep shortly after the kids go down anyway.
@nessofonett05 Each parent gets a morning to sleep in at our house. Sleep apnea would not change that; if someone needs more sleep they need to go to bed earlier. Temporary illness gives one a pass for their “early” morning.
@nessofonett05 My husband likes to get up early to work out in his home gym, which means I do every morning with my toddler. But he does every bed time. This works for us. I can’t really sleep in anymore, even when given the option. Thanks mom brain.
Clearly your current routine bothers you, so work with your husband to come up with a new one. Doesn’t necessarily need to be alternating mornings. Maybe he gives you back time in another part of your day.
@nessofonett05 Why don’t you have him take over the night routine? Including baths and dishes and putting the kid(s) to sleep so YOU can have the nights to take a bath, shave your legs, wash your hair, read a book, watch a girl show in bed with a glass of wine…
Sounds like you are burning the candle at both ends and with another on the way this isn’t sustainable. You have needs TOO and your partner needs to honor that just as you have honored his “need for so much sleep”
@nessofonett05 Why don’t you have him take over the night routine? Including baths and dishes and putting the kid(s) to sleep so YOU can have the nights to take a bath, shave your legs, wash your hair, read a book, watch a girl show in bed with a glass of wine…
Sounds like you are burning the candle at both ends and with another on the way this isn’t sustainable. You have needs TOO and your partner needs to honor that just as you have honored his “need for so much sleep”
@dawnhammer Thanks. I will say he does the dishes most nights, also cooks and cleans. He does other stuff to help out - it’s just not the sleep part xx thanks for your comment !
@nessofonett05 Maybe you won’t feel like you are getting shafted if that part gets added to his nightly responsibilities. I think you would wake up more refreshed and less depleted if you had some time to yourself each day (just like he does)
@nessofonett05 I would solve this before the arrival of the second kid. Too many women on here with multiple kids and a pattern of duties that is unfair and unsustainable. He can go to bed earlier, you each get a weekend day to sleep in, he does all bedtime routine while you do morning. Plenty of options to share the load that won’t breed resentment. He can be high sleep needs but he still needs to be a parent and contribute
@nessofonett05 In our house, unless one of us is very sick, we both get up with the kids. If your husband feels his kid is "bothering" him, that's concerning IMO. Your kid can sense his/her dad doesn't want to interact with them. I was a bother to my parents too, and it messed me up. Don't let him act this way. Kids know more than what we give them credit for. Ask him if he still wants to have a family. If so, he needs to get treatment for the apnea and do his share with the kids he helped bring into this world.
My husband has sleep apnea too, along with other health issues and still wakes up on time to interact with our kids. I don't think that's a reason to not be an involved dad/husband. I hope you address this with him soon because he should not feel like his kid is a bother, and he needs to be a husband/father/active participant in his family. Stop this now before the baby comes along. You don't have to tolerate this at all. If my husband pulled that crap, not only would I be very direct and tell him that he needs to be present, I would also stop cooking and doing things until he acted like a part of our family.
@nessofonett05 It’s not too much to ask, I can’t tolerate a kid in my lap when I’m trying to eat- but if he doesn’t want the toddler in his lap when he’s eating, he needs to be setting the boundary and holding it and finding something else for the toddler to do and diffusing any meltdowns, not expecting you to do it.
@nessofonett05 It’s not too much to ask, but he can deal with it himself. Maybe when he gets up he takes the toddler for an hour to let you sleep/eat/whatever, and then you can take toddler back and he can eat uninterrupted.
My husband and I split sleep shifts and the person who is awake earlier gets 1 hour break when their shift is over. So if I’m with the baby 2-7am, at 7 my husband wakes up and takes the baby so I can eat/sleep/shower/whatever. He can eat afterwards, or sometimes I use that hour to make us breakfast and he will eat when I take the baby back.
Right now your husband is getting all his basic wants met and you’re not—how is that fair?
