"Cry it out" is not a well-defined term

[a3yan]

@dickwilson I find, just anecdotally, that my friends that sleep training worked for had kids right about to be able to sleep on their own anyway. They just needed a little push.

My son was not at all in his first 1.5 years. I just knew as his mom he wasn’t ready. Once his baby monitor shut off without me noticing while I was sitting in the backyard with my husband and when I went in the house to go to the bathroom I heard him crying.
I went up and he had been crying alone, threw up everywhere from crying so hard. It was devastating. He didn’t settle or soothe. He was traumatized.

My friends who slept trained, their babies were almost ready to sleep alone and be left to sleep but the 5 mins of light fussing ended in sleep not like my son.

We supported every single bedtime/nap/ wake up for my son. No matter how often. Now my son asks for bedtime at his bedtime ( sometimes earlier and we have to ask him to wait a bit cause it’s too early). He starts saying “night night dad; night, night toys; night, night dog” and falls asleep within 10 minutes of getting into his room.

To me and my partner, it was— personally— worth it to do it this way. I loved being there to support him and enjoyed the connection is created. I know this way isn’t for everyone but it was perfect for us.

We have second on the way and I know they’ll have completely different sleep needs.

 

[paigerific87]

@dickwilson I bedshare with my toddler and at night, when she fusses or rolls around, I give her a few minutes to settle. To me, this is allowing her a chance to “self soothe”. Sometimes she goes right back to sleep. Sometimes she doesn’t. If she starts crying after a few minutes or can’t settle, I reassure her/ rub her back/ we nurse/ whatever. This is different from a child crying and crying alone for a predetermined amount of time. I just don’t think toddlers and especially infants (my friends sleep trained using CIO at 3.5 months and 5 weeks) can logically reason themselves down from a place of heightened emotions. If that were the case, toddlers wouldn’t have so many tantrums.

 

[cutin]

@dickwilson Why not? That is how we teach other skills. I helped my kid get dressed until they were dextrous enough to perform parts of it by themselves, like pushing an arm through a sleeve, and eventually I was just doing tricky buttons/zips/laces and then after a while they can even do those, with modelling.

To teach them to swim I took them to the pool and held them, then brought floaties and stayed with them to make sure they didn't drown and showed them various techniques and let them practice until they were confident.

I wouldn't teach swimming by throwing them in the deep end with no guidance or support. I don't teach emotional regulation by leaving them to fall asleep alone (until they seem ready for that and not distressed by it). - BTW - they tended to be happy falling asleep alone as newborns, I didn't prevent them from doing that. If they are happy, then fine. If they need soothing, I will be there.