Method that doesn’t involve letting a baby cry?

@lemar349 Isn’t that essentially night weaning though? How do you know if baby isn’t actually hungry? My daughter doesn’t need to feed to sleep for naps and bedtime but I always feed to sleep when she wakes up during the night (and she wakes up a lot). I’ve considered not feeding if it’s under 2 hours since her last feed as a start but haven’t done it yet.

My assumption is that night feeds would drop when we start solids but perhaps that’s not the case.
 
@adunni I’m also the mom of an almost-4-month-old and have been reading up on this. Apparently night feeds are different from feeding to sleep. If she doesn’t need to be fed to sleep for naps or bed, she doesn’t have a feed to sleep association and you’re golden! At this age it is very normal to still be doing night feeds. But if you feel there are too many, first make sure she is getting enough calories during the day. Then you can start to try to eliminate one night feed at a time. Start with the one that gets you and baby the longest stretch of sleep. Slowly try to shorten the feed by either reducing the amount of milk in the bottle or the amount of time on the breast. Caveat: I have not tried this yet. You’re doing great!
 
@adunni Night weaning is not feeding overnight.

Breaking the feed to sleep association is ending the bedtime feed 10 to 20 minutes before putting baby into the crib Wide awake and they put themselves to sleep.

Baby can go to sleep independently (aka be sleep trained) and still eat overnight.

Starting solids does not typically reduce night feeds. As baby gets older they aren’t waking from hunger, but because they don’t know how to stay asleep without parental intervention when they’ve never had to.

https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/
 
@joryanne There is a couple methods that you can do where your baby isn't left to cry. It takes longer - often about 3 weeks compared to 2-4 days with the methods that do involve crying but they will eventually work so if you want to do them you could. Just be prepared it will take a while and be tiring.

The ones I know about are:

"pick up put down method", steps are:
  • Place your baby in their crib, drowsy but awake, at a set bedtime.
  • If your baby is calm, you can leave the room.
  • If your baby begins to cry, pick them up and cuddle or rock them until they stop crying.
  • Once your baby is calm, put them back down in their crib.
  • Leave the room immediately.
  • If your baby starts crying again, repeat the above steps.
  • Eventually your baby will fall and stay asleep.
  • This method may require that you pick up and put down your baby dozens of times. The goal is that they will gradually need to be reassured fewer times every night, until they don't need to be picked up at all.
"The chair method", steps are:
  • Put your baby in their crib at a set bedtime, when they're drowsy but not asleep.
  • Place a chair near your baby's crib and sit next to them until they fall asleep.
  • Leave the room.
  • If your baby begins to cry, come back into their room and sit in the chair until they fall asleep. You can pat them and say a few soothing words, but don't pick them up.
  • After a few nights, move the chair farther from the crib.
  • Continue moving the chair farther from the crib until you're out of your baby's room.
You can Google them for more info.
 
@gidmos44 Yes I don't see why not! Would probably make it not take as long as they can use it to help them soothe themselves.

One of my two kiddos had a paci too when I sleep trained her and it seemed to help her a lot to settle / not cry as much. She did need it in when she was falling asleep but was fine when it would fall out overnight so I don't think it increased the amount of times she would wake up overnight.

I think if it did make her wake up often and cry, I would've had to remove it, but she seemed fine about it so it didn't become an issue!

I also recommend a cuddly / little soft toy (as long as they are 6 months or over).
 
The method I did was a variation of Ferber but where you don't extend the amount of time you leave them, you have a set time (we did every two minutes), and then you go in and settle without picking them up. Took only a few nights with each of mine with this method and I felt it was much gentler than Ferber or CIO.

I read a book on the method I chose and the notes below are what I took from the book before I started the sleep training.

Just wanted to add I didn't follow this exactly. I still did one overnight feed for months after the sleep training even though the book said they don't need it if they are over 6kg. I also didn't do the 10 minutes before going in if they woke up overnight, I did 2 minutes for that part too.
  • Naps and bedtime should happen in the same place.
  • Use phrases at night time (it’s sleep time now etc), use them over and over when soothing.
  • Use a blankie/cuddly/soft toy they use for self soothing.
  • Early bedtime between 6pm and 7.30pm (means be asleep by 7.30pm at the latest).
  • Studies show they will wake up same time each day - what time they went to sleep won't affect that.
  • Fun and relaxing bed time routine 20-30 minutes long and have 3-5 steps, should end with a bottle then into bed.
  • Without a bedtime routine, babies can get anxious and upset when put in bed as they haven’t prepared for sleep unless they have a routine first.
  • Pick a time to handle crying before going into room e.g. 2 or 5 minutes, go in and reassure her and touch her but don't pick her up or your starting again from square one.
  • Only be in there for approx. 10 seconds, soothe and stroke her tummy then walk out.
  • Usually it is 45 minutes crying the first night, 25 minutes the second night, 15 minutes on third night (could be much longer or much less, every baby is different).
  • They will stop crying completely overnight and at nap times before 2 weeks after starting bedtime routine. Some babies take a bit longer but most don’t. Within 2 weeks they will be sleeping through the night if you are consistent.
  • When wakes overnight, wait 10 minutes before going in. Then go in and soothe them but do not pick them up. Then set the timer again for the designated time (e.g. 2 or 5 minutes), go in, keep the lights off, speak in hushed tones and reassure her and soothe her.
  • Crying will not harm your child, letting them cry will do no damage to them and instead this teaches them a valuable tool on how to put themselves to sleep when they are feeling tired and put themselves back to sleep when they wake up.
Be consistent.
Once you have chosen your method for teaching your child to fall asleep on her own, you need to be consistent 100% of the time. If you give up or start changing the rules every night, you will frustrate and confuse your child, and you will end up making the situation even worse.

Be predictable.
Children thrive on predictability and structure. Ensure that your bedtime routine is done in the exact same order every single night. Of course, your child may try to test and push the rules of bedtime – especially when they hit toddler years – but they are always reassured when they find that the rules stay the same no matter what they do.

Be strong.
The first two nights will be the most difficult, and this is when most parents will give up. You need to be strong during these first 2 nights. And remember that what you are doing is going to immensely improve your baby’s life and the rest of the family.
  • Don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself giving in and nursing your baby to sleep one night! The advice that I’m giving you in this book is not supposed to make you feel guilty. If you slip up, just try again the following night and move on.
 
@joryanne Tbh I don’t think there is a option for non crying baby. We paid $900 for some training with that thought process and are one day three and it is grueling usually crying for over an hour+ two times a night.
 
@joryanne My baby wakes up less after i worked on the feed = sleep association
I stopped feeding to sleep at 7 months old
She started sleeping longer stretches up to 8 hours of sleep straight
I highly suggest reading precious little sleep its eye opening
 
@joryanne For us it was the same, it went down to about 2 times now.
We gave her more food before bed, she eats chicken en beef, but make sure to cook it ling enough and make it soft enough so he can't choke. It kept her full for longer.
Then we noticed she kept calm when in my arms,so we got a blanket to roll her in. It worked untill she rolls arou d and the blanker falls off,so we found about the same thi g but with velcros. This worked very,very well.
We have a white noise machine, that helped too. And we went to the docter for all the gas, they gave us a vitamine D dripper with probiotics in them. It seems to work too.
As a last method we have a 3 minute rule now. She can cry for 3 minutes at most then we pick her up, walk her around and out her back down. Don't make it a long walk or whatever comforts your boy.
If he cries again, again 3minutes, then comfort, don't play. Put back down. And so on.

Good luck!
 
@neowelshrevival I just want to make a quick comment about part of this.

I’m assuming what you mean by “a blanket to roll her up in with Velcro” is a swaddle. If baby is old enough to roll, which it sounds like she is, swaddling is dangerous, and you should stop immediately! A sleep sack might work instead, or she might just need to get used to the feeling of sleeping without being wrapped up.
 
@joryanne What is your sleep setup like? Once we were able to move my son to his own room at 6 months, he stopped feeding overnight. Your mileage may vary but it’s worth a try if you’re currently room sharing.
 
@keyboardguy23 He outgrew his bassinet at 4 months old and I couldn’t fit his crib in our room so he has all naps and sleeps in his crib, in his room, right beside our room. It’s a small house.
 
@joryanne Regarding sleep:
He probably created an association between feed and sleep. I think they start creating sleep associations around 6 months but I'm still not sure what is the rule of thumb here.

What you can try if you don't want a drastic change in there routine (not sure if this a good way, feel free to correct).
: You break this association by replacing the feeding by rocking in the lap if he is a bigger baby (one by one per sleeps). He will fuss and cry definitely.
That's yet another association but at least it will not stress his digestive system.
And then you gradually build down the rocking. If your husband could pitch in or there are rocking chairs for avoiding lower back injury. Or maybe you can use a baby carrier.

This could take a lot of time so the drastic way probably won't break you as much the way I described above. Since separarion anxiety is around the corner (I'm not sure if are you there yet), maybe it's better to get over it.

Have you tried letting him just be? How long you've waited so far before you've fed him?

I was told earlier that they will not take the feed if they are not hungry. Think this is not entirely true, they won't take the feeding when they are FULL. But otherwise they will happily accept because their instincts dictate so. Their bodies want to build the necessary storage for poor conditions (which was regular in pre-historic life). I start to think that's the reasons children have the sucking reflex for that long because ancient man could go several days without food.
(Just thinking out loud).
 
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