Coparent taking $ from child’s account

[jordanw123]

About six weeks ago X withdrew, then replaced a large sum ($2000+) in our child’s joint savings account. X messaged and said it was a bank error. Three days ago, I noticed that child’s account was again missing $, this time drained by half. This second withdrawal happened two weeks ago.

All previous withdrawals have transferred into their personal account, but have been replaced quickly. The deposits are tougher to track, but mostly have come from X (wealthier family giving $ gifts to kiddo) and an assortment of gov stimulus $. It’s a quiet account w/o a lot of transactions.

Yesterday, I told X to return the $ immediately and did accuse them of drawing $ from child’s savings to float funds across accounts. This was in writing alongside other communication about our child…everyday updates, school stuff, etc. X responded saying the $ is to start a college fund, and that they “forgot” to tell me they were taking half child’s $. X also suggested I do the same, and need to plan better for child’s future, contribute more $, communicate more, other deflecting...

Our city is incredibly expensive, with fast rising costs and an unstable housing market. X and I both work two jobs, but seem to be doing ok. X does have what I see as an increasingly expensive lifestyle (based on communicating travel arrangements, activities for child and X family I’m close with). I handled finances when we were married.

With limited information, zero trust in X, and large sums of $ moving around I did jump to conclusions. But they’re likely the right conclusions? X was very indignant about being accused of taking $. Am I in the wrong for smelling bullshit here?

Can I somehow get proof that the $ is going to an actual college savings account?

 

[montse811]

@jordanw123 Joint accounts are for married people.

Take your "half" close the account and open an account in your name. You can save and not worry about what X is doing.
This just spells disaster.

 

[jordanw123]

@montse811 It’s a holdover from when we were married. My concern is that X stole child’s $. I’m not concerned about what they’re doing with their money, but this is child’s.

 

[hallbee66]

@jordanw123 If they made the contributions they can take whatever money they want. You should really close the joint account and each make separate investments for your child.

ETA even if they did not make the contributions but their name is on the account they can still take the money.

 

[jordanw123]

@hallbee66 Yeah separate accounts for child is definitely the next step. I realize they can take $, but am concerned they did without discussing anything with me. It’s not X’s $, it’s child’s. My real concern is the $ isn’t going to a college fund, but towards whatever expense X has and they’re just using this as a piggy bank, throwing a fit because I found out.

 

[hallbee66]

@jordanw123 Yeah but there isn't any legal recourse and it sounds like you're not getting info from the ex.

 

[montse811]

@jordanw123 This may be true, however there is very little you can do about it.

 

[jwb725]

@jordanw123 So one thing is who the hell knows what account he's putting it in. If he is putting it into another account for college fund etc.. ie I have a pa529 account for each of my kids, my ex has the info as well. He should be able to give you a statement. And since it's "the kids money" it is set that the only time it may be released is when the kid goes to college. At which point you both need to be aware of how to access it in case anything happens to him. So that the child will be able to use it when the time comes.

if he refuses, then it's expect that the money is gone. I would not deposit any more money into that account, get a separate one for your child.

I have child savings accounts at my bank I can transfer money into them anytime. But if I ever wanted money out, I'd need to go to the bank with the child and then be able to withdraw.

 

[jordanw123]

@jwb725 I suggested we change the withdrawal permissions from “or” to “and” meaning both of us would need to give permission. X’s response was to accuse me of being “difficult”. I’m not sure if I can legally request information about the account since X owns it, but it’s for child.

 

[jwb725]

@jordanw123 You can ask nicely if you can see the account..
As to having all parties for the bank account.. I'm not sure my bank only limits it to 1 adult and 1 child per account.

 

[kitty123]

@jordanw123 My only thought is that I would NEVER co own an account with anyone I was no longer with. I can’t even wrap my head around it. My advice is to immediately split it and never commingle funds with ex again. Then you don’t have to worry about it.

 

[jordanw123]

@kitty123 Yeah definitely. It was sort of a panic moment…divorce initiated in 2019 and finalized mid 2020 when things were still locked down. There was stimulus $$ to deposit and we needed a place right away. I closed the account today.

 

[katrina2017]

@jordanw123 If both your names are on the account there’s not much you can do. Put your money for your child in a separate account at a separate bank/credit union. There’s no need for them to have access to “your” money.

 

[jordanw123]

@katrina2017 I mean, it’s not my money. My concern is that it’s child’s money and X took half of it with no notice or accountability to our child.

 

[repelsteeltjie]

@jordanw123 Set up a 529 with your child as the beneficiary. Fidelity has a really easy set up and you can even set up a customized gift page where you can give the link to family and friends. Also better from a tax perspective because there's no confusion then who the monetary contributions are coming from. If it's truly a large sum over the annual tax free amount, you won't even run the risk of there being confusion that the money came from you.

 

[maurekan]

@jordanw123 I get what everyone is saying. But damn that’s really shitty! You’re obviously looking for best interests of the kid. Fucked on their part to do that

 

[zanemalindeal]

@jordanw123 I’m confused did you put the money in the account or did dad?

 

[jordanw123]

@zanemalindeal Both. We started the account when divorced mid 2020. Lots of stimulus checks went in as well as gift $ from family for child. It’s unclear who’s contributed exactly what without looking at deposits deeper.

 

[eternal7]

@jordanw123 Unfortunately I'm not sure there's much you can do especially if you both are on the account and have added money. It's probably best to withdraw your half, close the account and not count on your coparent to contribute to your child's future.

Personally, I just assume my ex is not doing anything to save for kids. I opened accounts for them and he doesn't have access. Lying and hiding credit card spending was a big reason for our divorce so I wouldn't trust sharing an account with him for anything.