Can't get pregnant after 3 years of attempts

[lovesgod1964]

@thecookdebra I know it sounds awful but no amount of testing and answers are going to solve your issue.
You’re not getting pregnant and so IVF is the way to go.

 

[dietcake]

@thecookdebra As a woman with PCOS that is the reason we cannot get pregnant, I respectfully comment that vitamin and mineral deficiencies do not affect fertility that massively. Holistic treatments are normally unproven and can be harmful to fetus.

Has she had had her insulin checked? She could be insulin resistant. Your cells need glucose for energy, but when we eat we spike it. Insulin is released by the liver to help the cell uptake glucose. When you are insulin resistant, which is quite common with PCOS, the cells do not respond well to insulin. The glucose stays in your blood vessels, eventually stored as fat. It wrecks havoc on our bodies, including fertility. If she hasn't had a metabolic panel, she should. I lost 30+ pounds with the help of a weight management specialist and now I am ovulating. It is worth a shot with you two. Her inability to lose weight is making me suspicious for either insulin resistance or a thyroid issue, but I am not a medical doctor.

Also, I acknowledge the frustration. Some couples get pregnant by accident - and it makes you feel useless.

Have you tried IUI? What conversations have you had with your RE? Sometimes if you don't lead with a question, they don't touch on it. I'm constantly asking my RE questions on my end that he likely would not have mentioned. Not because he doesn't care, but because he normalizes these results. They are commonplace to him... It's easy to forget that not everyone grasps their situation.

That was long but I truly do wish you luck. You're absolutely not alone. Your wife might also feel at home with the PCOS TTC subreddits, and you might get a lot of insight as well.

 

[thecookdebra]

@dietcake

Has she had had her insulin checked? She could be insulin resistant.

Actually, we have not and I didn't even think about this one. We had another user recommend getting her thyroid checked. I need to call our doctor and get all the test names we've gotten done and their test results. Thank you for the idea!

If she hasn't had a metabolic panel, she should.

We also have not gotten metabolic panels done. We will do that, too!

Have you tried IUI?

We did timed intercourse three cycles in a row and the fourth was IUI.

What conversations have you had with your RE?

We've talked about that we've tried for two and a half years and her periods were inconsistent since she got her period. After that, he said we had 100% chance of getting pregnant within 5 timed intercourse cycles. After the fourth, he didn't outright diagnose her with PCOS but said that she fits the criteria TO BE diagnosed with it. Which tells us... She was diagnosed? Idk We don't really know what to ask him for not knowing what we don't know. So I guess I just really need to buckle down and learn everything I can in order to ask questions.

He also only has met with us once at the beginning, and once after the fourth cycle. Everything in between was just nurses/others who didn't know much. Which also made me feel like we weren't really receiving a good service. I thought that he would try to explain more and help us really understand. But it just hasn't felt that way. He also believes diet won't help with fertility. I guess that's a common consensus after starting this thread. I didn't know that was the common majority. I'm all new to this stuff so I'm just trying to figure it out.

The biggest thing our doctor said is that whichever hormone says to grow her eggs wasn't being sent back to her brain properly and her eggs weren't reaching full size/maturity. They said they should between 18 and 22 millimeters but hers were only really reaching 12-14 as she would begin ovulation. Once we got on the medication prescribed (listed above in another comment thread) then they reached full maturity, a few at a time, but we still saw no success. Maybe we should just keep trying and that'll get us there? I had thought it was due to eggs not reaching full maturity and thought, "BAM! We found the issue!" But no, still not pregnant.

 

[dietcake]

@thecookdebra Okay, that gives me a lot more insight.

PCOS is usually diagnosed via ultrasound of ovaries, irregular periods, and high levels of androgen, as evidenced by overt hair growth. 2/3 will do it.

Definitely have your PCP send you out for CMP (complete metabolic panel) with thyroid panel. At the very least they can rule out both metabolic conditions. If she does have insulin resistance, they can speak with her about meds like Metformin, which is a first line med for insulin resistance. It's cheap, works well, and the unpleasant GI issues can be mitigated by timing the med with meals. Obviously I hope she doesn't have it.

If you're not comfortable with your RE, find another one! The right RE will slow down and explain everything to you. It's expensive so you deserve the explanation. I'm a nurse and worked ICU for years, and the biggest thing I realized is that a lot of doctors are capable but lacking with bedside manner. Not insinuating they're being rude but more so not willing to cut through their jargon and put it in layman's terms.

Timed intercourse, unmonitored cycles? If so that's tough especially with PCOS. Seriously. Lots of guesswork.

I think she needs a workup. There's something else playing a factor in shared fertility.

 

[thecookdebra]

@dietcake Timed intercourse and IUI with managed cycles. They were measuring the size of the eggs prior to use attempting anything. So they were telling us, scientifically, when to have intercourse.

Thank you for the other thoughts. She did have her tubes checked with a dye test and confirmed they’re open. I forgot to previously mention that. But we should definitely check with those other panels you mentioned. Thank you !!

 

[jeanasmall]

@thecookdebra Did you go to an OB or RE?

 

[thecookdebra]

@jeanasmall I'm not sure, this is what's on their website:

MD, HCLD, Third Party Reproduction Director

"Our team of board-certified Reproductive Endocrinologists"

 

[holysoul]

@thecookdebra RE is a reproductive endocrinologist. They are the fertility specialists. You should heed their advice and pursue IVF. I've heard several anecdotes of women who had to conceive their first with ivf and were able to have a second the old-fashioned way. What is you aversion to IVF? Financial? Denial of the severity of her infertility? Health concerns?

 

[thecookdebra]

@holysoul Mainly financial, and mental health of my wife. It's really been a struggle for her with the mental load this has brought. All she's wanted to do her whole life is be a mom and she doesn't want to just sit at home and be a home body. So she's had a job to fill her time and bring in additional income for our family. But she pretty much is ready to quit her job every week because she just wants to take care of kids but we've been unable to conceive. She has been reluctant to do IVF because of the "everyone else gets pregnant the natural way but I have to spend thousands of dollars to achieve it..." Which just wrecks her mental health.

 

[lovehispresence]

@thecookdebra I’m someone who’s husband got a second job to get fertility insurance, which still costs thousands of dollars to do something that others can do for free.

It sucks. It’s not fair. It’s heartbreaking.

But I would do it over and over and over again to achieve the results we did.

 

[thecookdebra]

@lovehispresence Would you mind expanding on your journey? I'd love to hear more. Did you do IUI? IVF? And how long from when you first tried to naturally conceive to the date you started IVF/etc did you finally conceive?

We are in the same boat, I'm starting to look for jobs that provide fertility insurance. Far and few between!

 

[thetruthwillsetmefree]

@thecookdebra I THINK, but do not quote me on this, that Starbucks provides fertility coverage, even for part time workers.

 

[malcolmh]

@thecookdebra Hi there!

I'm so sorry you guys are going through this.

It sounds like you did have some testing done but it wasn't made clear exactly what the results were and what that meant for your journey.

I worked as a nurse in fertility for several years (and have also been through my own fertility journey). If you'd like to send a DM I'd be happy to see if I can get you pointed in the right direction. I of course can't and won't give medical advice, but I can point you reliable, evidence based information to help you figure out your next steps

 

[thecookdebra]

@malcolmh Thank you for the support! I will definitely keep you in mind. I appreciate your words.

 

[b1inchrist]

@thecookdebra I know it takes a lot to share your story and I wanted to stop by and see if I can share mine as well. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 years as well. I just turned 39 and my hubs is 38. Unexplained diagnosis/ older age/ lower eggs/ low but ok sperm count equality. We are both taking supplements like others have mentioned. Myself- prenatal, vit d3, selenium, zinc, lcarnitine, coq10, dhea last 2 months and a fertility supplement (only one month, those are not cheap $100). Him- multivitamins, coq10, zinc, vit d3 (some powder from fertility recommendation), last 3 months Clomid and anastrazole once a week.
All this and nothing, not even a positive or a loss or anything. We eat at home mostly, rarely any processed food, seldom drink seltzers, and exercise 3 days atleast a week. We are advised after 3 months of seeing repro endo to go to IVF. Well it’s all out of pocket at $25k here in Florida. We chose to try IUI. I had Clomid cd3-7 and have one follicle measuring 17 on cd 12. Today is cd 13 and I am due for trigger shot tonight and iui Monday. Not likely for high success but it was right for us to atleast try as it’s only $1,700 for 2 cycles. Everyone has different t journeys but yes, hormone imbalances have a big part. Thyroid, full blood panel, amh (eggs) and fsh, estrogen etc should all be checked. Best wishes for success. Dont lose sight of the reason why you married your wife. Kids are great but not everyone will have their own. I’ve come to terms if that is what is in store for me but for now, keep on trying!

 

[thecookdebra]

@b1inchrist Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps! Trying to find hope in a world full of darkness. Thanks for stopping by. Stay positive!

How do you feel about all the people’s opinions in this thread that diet and vitamins have zero impact on fertility? I thought it did but maybe I just was in the minority?

 

[zbearhj]

@thecookdebra I highly recommend this book: Getting Pregnant with PCOS by Clare Goodwin. This isn't a sponsored post or anything. I have PCOS and have learned so much about the root cause by reading it and it's helping me in my efforts to conceive with my husband. I hope it can be helpful to you and your wife. Best of luck to you.

 

[thecookdebra]

@zbearhj Thank you for the recommendation!

 

[wael]

@thecookdebra Have you confirmed ovulation is even happening? What tests did they run? Did they do an shg or HSG?

 

[thecookdebra]

@wael From what we understand with the trigger shot, yes, it's happening... But this makes me think. Maybe we're utilizing the trigger shot, having time intercourse, but then the eggs aren't being released when we think they are being released. I wonder if they can see if ovulation occurred post-trigger shot...? Or if ovulation is happening later like 2-3 days post-trigger shot instead of immediately within 24 hours.