Called 9-11 on daughter

J

jar1437

New member
My daughter is almost 12 and has been really struggling mentally since the pandemic started. She's developed an eating disorder and this week I tried to get her to eat a snack because she rarely does and she got so angry at me that she grabbed a knife from the block and held it at me. She was screaming at the top of her lungs.

I was home alone and scared because she has been hitting me and saying "I hate you" and that she'd rather die that live with me. A lot of this is because she doesn't want to eat and is anorexic. We also have serious mental health disorders in our family, so some of this is genetic.

I didn't know what was going on with her so I got scared and called 9-11 hoping they could get her a psych assessment.

Instead they sent a police officer which traumatized us both. The cop was nice and just calmed us both down and told her how what she did wasn't nice. Obviously no charges involved.

I then got her a referral to psychiatry. But now she hates me more for calling 9-11 and I feel terrible. My partner who was out of town was also mad at me for doing that.

Thoughts?
 
@jar1437 You are saying that your daughter hates you for calling 911, but she also said she hated you before the incident as well. Recognize that she is full of dysregulated emotions and, as one of the closest people in her life, they are going to spill over onto you. That’s okay.
 
@phytoscience1 Thank you. I know it's not me deep down because just 2 weeks ago she was like this with our nanny. She said she hated the nanny so much, hated everything about her. Then she hid our nanny's cleaning supplies and made my nanny quit her contract early :-(
 
@jar1437 Of course you called 9 1 1. Anyone would have, including me, she was dangerous at the time. They should have sent an ambulance to take her in for a psych assessment, if this ever happens again maybe you can request that. Hopefully she'll get a great therapist and it will never happen again. Don't let your family make you feel bad about what you did; it was you who was there alone with a mentally ill child who was brandishing a knife.

You're doing all you can do as a mom and I know it's hard OP. Your husband doesn't understand, he wasn't there. Your daughter most likely will come to understand that you did what you had to, as she gets better. You and your husband could benefit from some sessions with a counselor too, and if he doesn't want to you should get therapy yourself. It can help you cope as you deal with your ill child.
 
@ctallen I just read op’s post history and there’s been at least two instances of her husband putting his hands on her, so I think counseling with him would not be a good idea. I hope she can find a way to get her daughter in to inpatient somewhere safe and then work on getting her and her other child out, at least start getting a plan together.

OP please don’t wait to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, your daughter needs help now. And please don’t wait for your husband to change, it’s unlikely and your entire situation right now makes me really nervous for you and your kids, please do what you have to for yourself and for them.
 
@hotelscyprus That is extremely disturbing! Yes, OP very much needs to get away from her husband since he's physically abusive. She probably feels trapped because she doesn't think she can handle her daughter by herself.

But you're right, the daughter can really benefit from inpatient care and the staff can teach OP coping mechanisms. When she's discharged there are even programs where psych aids come to the house; like nurses' aids. Definitely do what you have to OP, for yourself and for your little girl.
 
@phytoscience1 Yes. Also please don’t feel bad for calling-anyone brandishing a knife at you should illicit the same response. What else were you supposed to do in that moment? Take the time to look up and call a mental health facility? They also would have likely recommended you call emergency services as well anyways since there was a weapon involved. You got your kid help the fastest way you knew how-how we were all taught to since childhood ourselves!
 
@phytoscience1 Yes. Eating Disorders wreak havoc on your brain. She needs help. The only medication for an eating disorder is food. It has to be treated first before you can address any underlying depression or anxiety.
 
@jar1437 I’m so sorry you and youre daughter are going through this. Anorexia is a terrible illness and it completely alters the mind as well. It sounds like she may have other things as well. Please lock up all sharps in your home-knives, razors, safety pins, staples. Your daughter absolutely needs in patient eating disorder treatment. Please go to the national eating disorder association website. They have a hotline. You can also take her the a local psych unit emergency room and they can do a transfer. I’ve been through this. It gets better but eating disorders are a chronic illness. It take persistence. Early treatment is critical

EDIT: I made an error and referred to the NEDA site. Please do not go here as they are no longer reliable source and also align with fatphobia and diet culture in peds.
Unfortunately, good quality eating disorder treatment is very rare in the US and is catered to mostly thin cishet white women. Especially these expensive residential treatment programs, which have zero evidence base to them. The first line of defense is often an inpatient stay. Then after that is evidenced based treatment FBT or family based therapy. This is done at home but it is still intense and if done early is very effective. It’s better too because family is involved. Equip has a great FBT program and they are in network with most insurance . There may be one local to you as well
 
@letmebeyourshelter I was going to comment the same thing. Sometimes people need professional help and there is nothing wrong in seeking it out. OPs daughter is still growing and needs nutrients. I read about an early 20 something celebrity with the bones of an 80 year old because of anorexia. Inpatient would also give OP a bit of a break, which she likely needs after the stress of all this. OP should seek out counseling as well.
 
@letmebeyourshelter Not the main point of your comment, but they actually don’t have a hotline anymore. Just recently, they tried to replace humans with AI (after the humans tried to unionize) and the AI was giving weight loss advice so they ended up shutting the whole thing down. It’s a pretty interesting story.
 
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