Birth trauma and birth injury

[karensmith]

@aderro I didn’t ask any specific questions, it was more a case of “feeling”. But one thing I notice about the new one is that she recommends a variety of techniques (hypropressives, exercises, collagen supplements and Indiba). Perhaps you could ask about that? And if they don’t mention a specific thing, ask why? Every professional will have their preferences, but good to check they’ve considered a range. Hypopressives I think might be a very European thing, so they might not have heard of them.

Good luck! I hope you find someone who you click with and who motivates you. Will keep my fingers crossed on your behalf

 

[mimithemuse]

@aderro You are amazing! You are not alone.

I also had a traumatic l&d, I had severe onset preeclampsia and was induced. I had gained 70 lbs on a small frame despite exercising daily up until her birth. I was a huge swollen mess.

Long story short, I labored for 60 hours, pushed for 6, then had an emergency c section. I was on toxically strong doses of high blood pressure medication and remember very little of her labor and delivery; I was completely bed bound and unable to really assist with the labor due to the medication and need for monitoring. I couldn't move at all, as the magnesium relaxed all my muscles. I couldn't breathe or move my hands at all, or even open my eyes. All the smooth muscles in my body became rubber due to the mega doses of magnesium. I was scared and just wished it would be over soon.

In hindsight I think I also mentally disassociated due to the trauma and fear. All I remember is thinking that we were both going to die, and how different this was from the beautiful natural birth I had envisioned and prepared for. When I was told I couldn't labor in the water as I had planned, I just shut down. I'm so embarrassed to say that, but it's true. I didn't get to hold my baby in the recovery room as my hands didn't work, so no golden hour... the nurses didn't put her on me or anything, I'm still angry over it. The only thing that did go right is we were able to breastfeed. It was such a struggle at first, with not being able to move my body or hands, to having comically large boobs for my frame made even worse by pregnancy, nipples point down, no milk for the first week due to the c section... but we roughed it out and it became an amazing way to bond for both of us. I am so sad and hurt at how the labor and delivery went, and my recovery afterwards. I was on HBP meds for 5 weeks after that made me sick, dizzy and sleepy. I don't feel like I really got to bond or enjoy the sleepy newborn stage. I have only a few photos from that time. I still struggle with jealousy with mamas who had beautiful picture perfect pregnancies, labor and delivery, and first years. Ones who can remember the birth of their baby and talk about it without crying ugly tears and making strangers uncomfortable and not knowing what to say. I struggle with how it's always a quiet indictment of mom when it didn't go that way for me, and feeling like it's my fault. I wish I would have spoken up more and felt more empowered.

You are amazing. I would encourage you to tell your story when you feel ready, to everyone you can. Part of my healing journey was finding a good support system and therapist, because my own family was not supportive or helpful. Don't let anyone diminish your story by saying well at least you have a healthy baby. Fuck that noise. You are tough and a survivor, and deserved better. Focus on your healing and taking things one day at a time, and don't feel bad about prioritizing your health and utilizing your amazing support system. Try to find ways to bond with your baby

Realize that in time, you will either lose the weight or make peace with your new body. Hopefully both! Do small actions that add up to legacies. Get a few minutes of exercise when you can squeeze it in, hold baby and snuggle when you can, look for easy no bake foods that are healthy. Prioritize fruits and veggies and unprocessed foods, drink water and coconut water, do grocery delivery if you can afford it. You can do this girl! You're a survivor and mama and I am so so proud of you, one mama to another.

 

[aderro]

@mimithemuse I have read and re-read your response about a dozen times. The term “birth trauma” wasn’t in my vocabulary prior to pregnancy, and I’m amazed and incredibly saddened to learn about how many women find themselves in this category. I have read many stories of birth trauma, I always find myself relating to the emotions felt, regardless of how the trauma occurred. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. Your story matters, your emotions matter. You matter.

Oh man, the grief, anger, jealousy, frustration, guilt- all of what you said 100%. Your words resonate with me so much. Majority of my 48 hours in labor were at home and a birth center. I ended up transferring to the nearby hospital while fully dilated. There’s a lot of detail I’ll leave out, because it’s a long story but my injuries are a result of medical negligence. I was supposed to have a water birth as well. I can’t stand hearing about wonderful birth experiences either. I hate seeing pregnancy announcements, newborn pics, a mom out with their baby. All of it is the biggest smack in my face of how much I’ve lost and continue to lose. I have broken down in ugly tears over it all and so many other things as well. I didn’t take any newborn pics either. I still don’t like looking back on the few I do have, they make me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. I’m trying to work through that in therapy.
Ooooohhhh and don’t get be started on the toxic positivity and sympathy. Why does everyone want to find a silver lining for you?!? “At least you have support”, “at least your baby’s healthy”, “at least you didn’t die”, “at least you were strong before”. If I hear one more “at least” I’m going to lose my shit. Society does not like to hear that your birth was anything but wonderful. They don’t know how to handle the words“trauma” and “birth” together. I do have supportive family, but they have no clue how to help me with the trauma side of things. My mom is definitely part of the toxic positivity group. I struggle finding someone to talk to outside of counseling. I feel so lonely and isolated.

But seriously thank you for your comment and your kind words! I am terribly sorry for your trauma and all that you lost. I hate that we both can relate to one another in that way.

 

[katrina2017]

@aderro I’m so sorry this is so much to go through.

 

[kristalyn]

@aderro First of all you are a brave soul! You are just amazing and remember that. Do not worry about the weight at all. I had a vaginal delivery with 3rd degree tear. My recovery was faster BUT did not shed a single pound after that. My body is not even losing inches. So its okay. I am with you. So does a lot of other women. Take care of yourself and baby.

 

[aderro]

@kristalyn Thank you for sharing a part of your story, I have heard from so many how painful it is when you tear! I’m so sorry. Thank you for the encouragement, I appreciate that.
All the women in my family and friend group have babies and look fantastic. My mom for example had 6 of us and has never been bigger than 110 pounds (and that’s probably me being generous about her weight). No one shames me for how I look, but I have a lot of shame and guilt about it.

 

[kristalyn]

@aderro Thats okay OP. We are all different. Genetics works very differently. I attended my brother in law’s wedding at 6 months postpartum. I was only 8 kgs (16 pounds overweight ) over my pre pregnancy weight but I was looking like a small sumo fighter. My sister in law on the other is extremely petite girl with mostly A or max B cup. My cup size was 38DDD. I was feeling so conscious about myself. And ofcourse it was her wedding but that wedding wasin such a bad time for me. I cannoy fit into any dress or saree or lehenga. But now after 2 months, But did not shed major weight. I am at 67 kgs. My body is looking so much better now with all the bloating gone. Moral of the story is yes its absolutely okay to feel like that. That’s natural but wait. It will get better

 

[pennylope1979]

@aderro That’s one doozy of a story. You definitely weren’t handed a smooth start. It’s inter, but more and more, I’m getting the impression that the majority of first time birth stories are traumatic to some degree. Hearing other moms’ birth stories have bee one of the greatest medicines for helping me get over my own birth trauma. It’s still a painful memory, emotionally and physically, but it’s no longer an active anxiety for me, 15mo pp.

It’s a brutal experience, and the only advice I could possibly offer is find something to hope for. It might sound a little trite, but finding a hope helped me through my darkest times as a mum, and even now when my challenges are different, it’s still there to fight for. It can be something simple or complex, I always like going for simplicity. But yeah, find yourself a hope and stick to that with all you’ve got.

 

[aderro]

@pennylope1979 For sure, birth trauma is a lot more common than I realized. I’ve read somewhere the number is about 1/3 of women experience birth trauma. Breaks my heart for moms everywhere.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and offer words of kindness.

 

[pennylope1979]

@aderro You’re doing a fantastic job of it. I really mean that. Look at how far you’ve come, and all you’ve been through. There’s still so much joy ahead for you. And your story is already encouraging other moms, myself included.