@benedix I have a set schedule because it works well for us. Baby stopped napping out and about, in baby carrier or stroller, at around 2.5 months old - so we have to do naps either at home or set up a travel crib (he unfortunately has outgrown the stroller bassinet). So it's a lot easier to plan outings if we know what time the nap is happening. We do a by-the-clock schedule and it's been great for us. It also makes it a lot easier for me to plan his meals now that he's eating person food and getting several meals in addition to milk - it's easy to get him boob or bottle whenever but a bit harder to plan and prep a tiny human meal if I don't know exactly when it'll be eaten.
I'm not saying we don't watch the cues - if he needs to nap earlier or longer, we do that, of course - but generally he takes the same length of naptime every day unless something is going on. He switched to two naps a week ago and he needed a tiny third catnap, which he didn't even fall asleep during, on one of the days, like he just had to be reminded that the whole reason we weren't giving him a third nap was because he was never sleeping through it anymore, just rolling around in his crib for half an hour. So we've generally found the nap transitions to be easy so far as well.
I've only ever had the one baby so not claiming this works for all of them, but he's been a pretty good sleeper and is a chill happy baby as long as we stick to the schedule.
@benedix My 8 month old is on his own schedule lol. We still loosely keep an eye on wake windows and just shoot for naps based on those everyday. But his bedtimes range from 6:30-7:30, which means morning wake times are different too. I never understood how people keep a “by the clock” schedule either. I still have to tackle errands and other life’s daily demands and set nap times are just not realistic for us. Every family operates differently I guess!
@benedix We didn’t do a set schedule until our girl was on one nap a day. And that wasn’t until she was about 16 months and even then it took us a couple of months to fall into a routine. Now that we have a new little one (2 under 2!), it’s helpful for my sanity to have her on a set schedule- but it’s also because it works for her! And we aren’t super rigid about it (we had to be flexible with a new baby in the house !) her bedtime/nap time and wake up time are all around the same time and she does well!
@benedix Early on we followed wake windows but we have had a somewhat set schedule from about 11/12 months that typically started as long as she was up at a certain time
Edit to add: we aren’t strict with it though and it does match her cues but her cues are pretty predictable
@benedix We didn't have a set schedule, just followed his cues until he was firmly on 2 naps a day. At that point his night sleep was being affected and he went from sleeping through the night to waking up every night. So we put him on a schedule and his night sleep improved back to sleeping for 11+ hours at night. The amount of sleep he got during naps dipped a bit at first for a couple of days and then he was back to sleeping for 1 hr+ at nap time.
@benedix Yes, pretty much. I never understood how you can "force" a baby to nap when they're not tired! We also go by our baby's cues and her cues TEND to fall into their own schedule. For example, she generally naps 2-3 hours after she first wakes up, and then again between 1 and 3pm, depending on how long ago her previous nap was. We don't always wake up at the sa.e time every day. The only thing we DO adhere to is bedtime.
@benedix We had no set schedule for the first year. Now st 13/14mths we need one. We also are sleep training to break the cycle of spontaneous contact naps. The structure will be beneficial for both baby and Momma.
@benedix I think people are too judgey of other moms and dads, and always gotta say that's not the norm or wrong when in fact if you're doing it and it works for you snd you're loving caring for them and their happy as a clam and you're good and they are safe healthy and thriving...youre the norm and doing whatever you are doing just right. Being a parent is following the ridiculous unobtainable standards the world puts on you. It's about you and your child, your family, being happy safe and healthy and the love you share. How you guys get there, schedules or 30 or 2 hour naps...attached parenting or not...whatever it is...if you're not these crazy psycho neglectful abusive parents I keep reading about out there and you're trying and you're loving and all as I said before...GO YOU MAMA! Everyone doesn't need to put their judgemental two cents in...if you're asked give it politely or even just suggest in. Helpful ways not judgemental self righteous ways like you know it all parenting your own kid. Everyone and every child is different and entirely different experiences...were not gonna all need the same advice and able to do the same things...we just gotta support and be there for one another not judge about it. I hate the parents who do that stuff about sleep training and this or that it drives me nuts like lay off.
@benedix I don't have a set schedule really...I watch how long he's been up like the wake windows most people talk about in their schedules but don't bind him to them necessarily it just helps me not mistake his cues or if I miss them I can determine if he's needing a nap or not for sure because sometimes they aren't the most obvious per say. But I just keep an eye on times mostly and his behavior and actions combined and go from there...his bedtime tho is just like yours pretty set every single night and wakes set time every morning without us like doing that to him he did it on his own...the bed time thing we did help make habitual tho actually that's bout it...he naps when he needs to, if he doesn't he stays up a little longer or takes a shorter one or longer one depending. But yeah, we're roughly the same over here, and it works. It's not a concrete timed to the core schedule, but it I suppose in itself is still one just loose times.
@benedix That great that it’s working for you but I can tell you it would not have worked for my baby or many other babies. You probably just have an easy sleeper which is great!
@benedix I thought I'd have the same approach as you until my daughter was born and needed something vastly different. She was higher needs and far more demanding than other babies we knew and, despite our best efforts, would not nap on the go past three months. I can't tell you the number of times we tried getting her to do so that resulted in either us driving around while she wailed like a banshee or us walking the perimeter of a store or restaurant over and over again because she was screaming and refused the stroller. For her, there was no, "I'll just lay her down when she's tired."
We quickly realized that adhering to a schedule was a huge asset because LO craved the predictability of a routine. Sleep training was the final cherry on top but once both were in place, she thrived. Sure, we fit activities into wake windows and yes, we were judged by my in-laws immensely for doing so and "catering to our baby" but, from our perspective, it made activities actually doable and our daughter could enjoy herself instead of being miserable the entire time.
She's two now and still loves structure so we continue. We're planning on trying for #2 soon and I plan to base my approach for them off of whatever personality they show me.
@benedix I am in the same boat, LO is 10 months. I have never had a nap schedule and don’t fret over how long or short his naps are. If he is tired, he sleeps. I suppose I might be in a different boat if my LO didn’t sleep through the night (since 6weeks). But I am in the boat of “if it isn’t broke don’t fix it” with sleep training.
@benedix Not on a nap schedule, but night time we consistently go to bed at 7 and wake 6:30-7:30. Some days I wish we were on more of a schedule but honestly MY schedule varies so much this gives us a lot of flexibility.
@benedix I didn’t just wing it with mine cause if I don’t have an idea of her schedule she will scream all day and night because one of her needs isn’t being met. She won’t eat outside and she screams in the car and the pram if she’s too tired.
I think it’s down to baby’s temperament and adaptability.
It was also much easier for me to have a routine because the baby actually set her own schedule and it just gets tweaked a bit as she gets older. Trying to wing it would just be actively ignoring my babies needs and wants because she’s set this schedule and repeats this pattern, not me.
She wakes up within 45 mins of the same time every day
She goes to bed within 20 minutes of the same time time day
She has the same amount of naps and they’re roughly within the same hour.
And she sleeps through the night (with an 11pm and 6:30am feed)
She’s recently started waking early so I’m going to tweek it and see what works based on her daytime needs
@benedix I didn't have a schedule until around 3
5mos. She never showed sleepy cues and so I would end up spending literal hours rocking and feeding trying to get her to sleep just for her to take a 10 minute nap because she wasn't actually tired, or I'd try leave it until she started fussing but this was a sign of overtired so also resulted in crap naps. She'd then crash late afternoon for hours and then nights would be terrible. Shes never just fallen asleep by herself for a nap, she's always needed assistance no matter how tired, so I felt like I was just guessing all the time when she needed a nap and getting it wrong. I discovered Wake windows and never looked back. Turns out this baby LOVES a schedule and so do I. She now naps like an absolute champ, still needs assistance to go down even at 6 mos, but it's a 10 min pre nap routine and a 5 minute rock. I have friends that have zero schedule and like yourself the baby just sleeps when they're tired and I've come to the conclusion these babies a) need much less, if any, assistance to sleep for a nap and b) are much less affected by being overtired. If my kid is overtired she's a cranky mess and my nights get worse. If their kids are overtired they just go to bed earlier and sleep the whole night! Baby temperament is such a big factor in my opinion.
@benedix I tried so hard to follow a schedule but my LO literally wouldn’t allow it lol. He’s on his own time. For a loooong time, he wouldn’t wake up at the same time everyday- some days 6am, some days 7:15am. I would always base his first nap off of appropriate wake windows + sleepy cues, but this meant that the first nap was at a different time everyday, and so were the rest. He was also notorious for falling asleep for naps early and never making it to the scheduled time no matter how hard I tried.
We’re at 9 months now and it’s finally starting to get a little better!
