@vigilantrogue A little different perspective: I've been a stay-at-home dad for 13 years, and my wife and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary. It's been great, and we've both benefited from me staying home. I also think we had some empathy for each other when the roles changed as we both knew what it was like. I've been able to focus on our 3 kids, and she could focus on her career. It made life a lot less stressful when I left my office job. And when my last kiddo started kindergarten, she encouraged me to follow my dream. So I wrote a book about how to be at home dad, got picked up by a big publisher, and came out 2 weeks ago. She's my absolute biggest cheerleader. So I write and parent, she does the corporate thing, and right now she's rubbing my back. Life is good and uneventful, which makes it boring, which is perfect.
Anyone on here who’s partner isn’t an abusive a-hole?
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katrina2017
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@vigilantrogue Look, people come here to vent and it doesn’t mean their spouse is abusive. This is the second post I’ve seen in the last 24 hours poking fun at people who come to vent.
Positive note, I have a wonderful husband who takes care of my family. 2 kids and 10 years together. Trying for number 3.
Positive note, I have a wonderful husband who takes care of my family. 2 kids and 10 years together. Trying for number 3.
@vigilantrogue A lot of the people in my personal life who have marriage problems post-kids have issues communicating. One feels burned out at work and the other feels burned out at home and neither will see the others point of view because they want to be listened to first themselves. And I know so many issues can go beyond that, but that’s what I see a lot personally. My husband and I have an amazing relationship right now because we both listen to each other and respect each other’s feelings deeply. We do things to keep each other happy and when one of us starts to feel burnout they get a break. If we both do we take turns taking a break 
I agree with other comments that people come here to vent so that’s why we see that a lot.
Please don’t feel negative, I’ve been there before. And life turned out SO MUCH BETTER than my anxiety was telling me it would. Take a break from this sub so you don’t see that too much, the negative emotions will get to you. Just make sure after baby you and spouse are doing things still that make you happy. Get out of the house for walks, or just sit outside for the vitamin d. Make other SAHP friends. It will all be ok!! Someone else’s husband is not yours. Communicate now with your spouse/SO expectations now before baby comes.
I agree with other comments that people come here to vent so that’s why we see that a lot.Please don’t feel negative, I’ve been there before. And life turned out SO MUCH BETTER than my anxiety was telling me it would. Take a break from this sub so you don’t see that too much, the negative emotions will get to you. Just make sure after baby you and spouse are doing things still that make you happy. Get out of the house for walks, or just sit outside for the vitamin d. Make other SAHP friends. It will all be ok!! Someone else’s husband is not yours. Communicate now with your spouse/SO expectations now before baby comes.
boholproducts
New member
@vigilantrogue Mine is great, but we treat being a SAHM way different than a lot of people in this forum.
I am working. I do what a nanny does during the day, and we split life stuff after (ex. He cooks, does dishes, takes out garbage just as much as I do). I get frequent breaks, and he is completely capable with our kid. We fully fund an IRA for me each year, and I don't feel like it's "his" money ever.
I am working. I do what a nanny does during the day, and we split life stuff after (ex. He cooks, does dishes, takes out garbage just as much as I do). I get frequent breaks, and he is completely capable with our kid. We fully fund an IRA for me each year, and I don't feel like it's "his" money ever.
flowerforever7
New member
@vigilantrogue It’s my day to sleep in. My husband brought me coffee in bed and now I’m scrolling Reddit. Even though my husband brings in the cash flow to our home we both work from the time our son wakes up to the time he goes to bed, except when we trade days to sleep in or nights out of course. It’s a team effort, and if you’ve got a great partner you’ll make a great parental unit. Communication is key!
@vigilantrogue My husband is great. He helps with chores. He gives me a break when he gets home from work so I can regroup before dinner and bedtime. He's super supportive when I get down on myself for not doing everything. I don't post about him here because "things are still pretty good" is a boring post.
@vigilantrogue My husband has been an amazing partner. Like someone else said vetting who your going to have kids with is important. We were married 6 years before kids were on our radar. My husband works from home and I stay at home with our boys (2years and 4months). Any break he has he try’s to do something with one of the boys or help with a quick chore. We both take care of all house hold chores and our policy is if you see something that needs to be done do it. There are definitely times where I do more housework but that’s by choice and not expected. I couldn’t be happier. 
@vigilantrogue My husband is by no means perfect (and neither am I) but we make a good team. We split household stuff and try to help each other out. He is a good dad that absolutely does a fair share of the parenting. I think we see more negative stuff because it feels for acceptable to complain than to brag.
jesusroxgirl22
New member
@vigilantrogue My husband is kind and hard working. He considers the money he makes “our” money. He never gives me a hard time about “what I do all day”. He is a great dad to the kids. Sometimes he is grumpy when he wakes up so he isn’t perfect. Lol. People posting her generally are upset and needing help. The happy couples don’t need to post so we don’t hear from them.
@vigilantrogue My husband is awesome, and we have a great marriage. He’s supportive, helps out, makes dinner sometimes, never ever treats me with anything other than respect and equality. He’s a great dad, and never acts like the kids are just my job, when he’s home. I think when things are great people maybe don’t post as much about it?
nablusstar
New member
@vigilantrogue 
I'm a SAHM and my husband is wonderful. I spend my day caring for our baby, he works. He's been doing most of the cooking and housework since I got pregnant (rough pregnancy). I do most of the administrative aspects of managing our life, easier to do when nap trapped. He also takes our daughter for awhile in the evening so I can get a break. I'm breastfeeding so I'm in call 24 hours /day but we still take primary responsibility shifts overnight so we can both get at least a little decent sleep. It's just getting to a place where I can sometimes get little bits of other stuff done during the day, but it's a bonus not an expectation.
I'm a SAHM and my husband is wonderful. I spend my day caring for our baby, he works. He's been doing most of the cooking and housework since I got pregnant (rough pregnancy). I do most of the administrative aspects of managing our life, easier to do when nap trapped. He also takes our daughter for awhile in the evening so I can get a break. I'm breastfeeding so I'm in call 24 hours /day but we still take primary responsibility shifts overnight so we can both get at least a little decent sleep. It's just getting to a place where I can sometimes get little bits of other stuff done during the day, but it's a bonus not an expectation.
@vigilantrogue my fiancé has been so wonderful since i became a SAHM that i proposed to him lol. truly good men will remain good despite the transition. it is a big adjustment, so i suggest talking about your expectations and needs ahead of time. and make sure that you’re both on the same page about getting free time.
i also recommended downloading a family schedule app or having a shared calendar so you can see what the week ahead looks like for both of you and so you can schedule in free time or “us time”.
i also recommended downloading a family schedule app or having a shared calendar so you can see what the week ahead looks like for both of you and so you can schedule in free time or “us time”.
@vigilantrogue My husband is great. He was working an incredibly stressful job with long hours up until our LO was 18 months, so there were times in that first year in a half where I felt like a single parent (though out of necessity. He was very helpful when he was around). But now he’s at a much more reasonable job—and actually has weekends and evenings—he has been incredibly helpful as a co-parent. He takes her to swim lessons every Saturday, puts her to bed multiple times a week, is always down to do the poop diaper changes he’s present for, and just generally takes marriage and fatherhood very seriously.
Even at his nightmare job, he’s also been consistently respectful of the work I do for the family, and our relationship never took a hit even with the crazy amounts of stress that we were both under. (In addition to his nightmare job, we were in a city where we knew no one, had zero family nearby, and LO had an undiagnosed dairy allergy for the first 4 months, then torticolis + flat head she needed PT for, silent reflux, colic, an egg allergy once she started solids, and is in general just an extremely particular, sensitive child. Oh, and I had PPD. And undiagnosed ADHD.)
So even with all that, I never at any point felt like my husband and I hated or resented each other. We’ve consistently been a team, and I think all the mutual stress has strengthened our bond and love for each other.
Even at his nightmare job, he’s also been consistently respectful of the work I do for the family, and our relationship never took a hit even with the crazy amounts of stress that we were both under. (In addition to his nightmare job, we were in a city where we knew no one, had zero family nearby, and LO had an undiagnosed dairy allergy for the first 4 months, then torticolis + flat head she needed PT for, silent reflux, colic, an egg allergy once she started solids, and is in general just an extremely particular, sensitive child. Oh, and I had PPD. And undiagnosed ADHD.)
So even with all that, I never at any point felt like my husband and I hated or resented each other. We’ve consistently been a team, and I think all the mutual stress has strengthened our bond and love for each other.
@vigilantrogue My husband is the more motherly of us. He stays home with them (DV) and watches them to ensure they have an interesting and educational stuff. He is very against daycares and they are so expensive. I’m so lucky. He’s the love of my life and we both try really hard to impress one another by being more and more responsible. He’ll cook meals and do the dishes and keep the house nice. I’m a Little sloppy so I continue to try to be better. He does irritating stuff like he never thinks about diapers until we have a poop, including buying diapers. But it works. He does more and takes care of more stuff, although I work
inthemotions
New member
@vigilantrogue My husband is a wonderful person and father. Sure we’re not some perfect family, but I feel safe and secure in my relationship with him. He treats me equally and like I matter. Having kids changes you but we still have a really good marriage and family life.
@vigilantrogue My partner is great! I think it helps that our relationship dynamic was pretty much the same before having kids (I haven’t contributed financially in over five years), so the transition was really seamless and natural. We’re equitable about childcare and always make sure we both have free time to have hobbies, friends, and interests. We alternate sleeping in. If I need a break, I know I can hand off our son to him for a few hours with no questions asked. He’s very involved in our son’s life and loves being with him all day. He doesn’t help with household chores, but I don’t really mind that at all.
We’ve been together for eight years and of course we have disagreements here and there but we never yell or get into heated arguments. I’m happy and our lives are wonderful
We’ve been together for eight years and of course we have disagreements here and there but we never yell or get into heated arguments. I’m happy and our lives are wonderful
livefreespirit
New member
@vigilantrogue My hubby is very supportive. Even when times got really hard with money, he said no the kids need you home. Our oldest is a top student bc of you staying home. I love him for it. Especially when I feel like I am completely failing at house work and other things.
@vigilantrogue My husband is out with both kids right now (8 and 4) because he keeps track of winter gear and knew they both needed new snow pants this year. I’m at home painting our oldest’s room as a reward for her doing online learning last year with zero complaints. There are good times ahead of you! We had some hard times getting through the trenches of babyhood, but it gets better! Married almost 15 years and happy. no one posts about that because it’s not stressful.
no one posts about that because it’s not stressful.string_theory
New member
@vigilantrogue My husband is the best person I know and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Does he frustrate me sometimes? Obviously; we’re both flawed humans with baggage.
Does he try his best? Every day. He’s also open to correction and works his ass off, then thanks me for working so hard for our family in the home.
Does he frustrate me sometimes? Obviously; we’re both flawed humans with baggage.
Does he try his best? Every day. He’s also open to correction and works his ass off, then thanks me for working so hard for our family in the home.
katrina2017
New member
@vigilantrogue Ngl it was hard at first while we figured out what felt "fair" and how to ask for what we needed to feel supported, and how to deal with everything, and how to manage a household on one income, etc...
But we figured it out, and it's honestly been hard and wonderful and I am glad we did it. I am beyond grateful for that time, and I'm kinda struggling now with the fact that the kids are all in school and "what the heck do I do now?" Lol
But we figured it out, and it's honestly been hard and wonderful and I am glad we did it. I am beyond grateful for that time, and I'm kinda struggling now with the fact that the kids are all in school and "what the heck do I do now?" Lol