Anyone ever experience an off interaction w/ one of your kid’s providers?

[roxchristian]

TLDR: Got the vibe that new provider has a negative impression of me. Wondering if maybe being too sensitive. WHICH, probably means I’m being too sensitive.

Really the first time I felt judged as a parent so I guess I should be grateful for that, at least. We have one child 24 months - expressive speech delay. He’s been attending speech therapy at a practice for a couple months that has a large staff and we had a makeup session this week with different - more senior practitioner.

She kind of implied he should be at preschool or daycare? I think it was the phrase “He should be socializing with other kids.” after I said he doesn’t attend daycare that got me. We do take him to events and playdates with other kids usually a few times a week. She was decidedly silent when I said that.

I’m also bothered that this place handles “homework” for the parent by just kind of throwing things at you and doesn’t send you home with a written action list or suggested schedule and the sessions are only half an hour long with no structured time to discuss what we as the parents should do. I’m sort of scrambling to jot things down on my phone in the middle of a conversation with someone whose simultaneously talking to my two year old. At home, I’ll usually make an effort at something specific or try their suggestions at an opportune time but I’m just kind of naturally incorporating things into our day?

Anyway, the way this new practitioner asked how “the homework” was going felt pointed. Considering it was our first time with her, I was caught off guard.

Finally, later that day they texted MY WIFE about scheduling when they’ve always called or texted me for everything. I did the initial consultation with them, it’s usually me who takes him. We’re a same sex couple so I’m pretty sure it’s wasn’t a matter of “call mom, not dad”. It feels like someone at the office went out of the way to contact the “other parent”? Also, I gotta say, I’m pretty sure my wife never does the homework on her own which is fine since I’m the one home. So it definitely irked me that they maybe tried to go over me.

Or maybe I’m being too sensitive about this lol. Just another day in the life I guess…

 

[loreec]

@roxchristian Dude. Our first pediatrician was anti breastfeeding

He came in the room for our 8 week and told me my baby was “too big” (he’s 97th percentile) and he would be “anemic and breastfeeding has no benefits so just use formula and cow’s milk. I better not find out that he’s drinking breastmilk when you come back.”

oh we never fucking went back. He got weaned at 23 months, like I planned. 4 months my ASS.

 

[roxchristian]

@loreec What? That is old school and shortsighted.

 

[loreec]

@roxchristian Yeah, he was in his 60s. Not bright.

 

[techo]

@loreec Yikes. Was your baby born in 1954?

 

[loreec]

@techo LMAO between him and my 70+ year old in laws it sure does feel like it. Gawd. They were recommending giving water and rice cereal when he was young.

Well that meant they didn’t watch him until he was close to a year old lmao

 

[semaj02]

@loreec

I better not find out that he’s drinking breastmilk when you come back.”

WHAT?!

The amount of stories I see on reddit about women/moms having these types of experiences with medical providers is ridiculous. I hope they sent you one of those little e-mails they all send nowadays asking for feedback, and you gave him a scathing review.

 

[loreec]

@semaj02 I ripped him to shreds on google and it’s the top viewed review. It doesn’t feel like enough though.

 

[trancamhongkgv]

@loreec We had a pediatrician preemptively fat shame our one year old 24 week preemie. Who literally never had any baby fat. She told us to severely cut his milk intake and switch to skim so he “doesn’t end up too big.” We disregarded that advice, and frankly I’m still horrified at it. He’s four and barely 50% for weight and 70% for height, height has steadily jumped percentiles and weight has lagged since he gave up bottles. He still drinks 16-20 oz of whole milk most days. When he was a year he didn’t even register on the growth chart for his actual age

 

[bethany06]

@loreec Oh wow I wish I could punch him in his face for you and your baby.

 

[neobondjames]

@roxchristian Judged if you do send them to daycare, judged if you don't. There's no winning.

 

[zennah]

@roxchristian I've never felt judged by a practitioner for being a SAHM, but I have actively done my research and handpicked providers. There was one pediatrician (before I did my research) i didn't like at all, I promptly switched pediatricians.

I will say, I live in a pretty baby friendly area. Pro breastfeeding, pro family, etc. At grocery stores and coffee shops and whatnot, she gets ALL the smiles, waves and hellos. Restaurants give her free desserts and stuff. And there are a lot of SAHMs in the area. We're valued. I don't feel judged in my community.

BUT, I worked in HR before having my baby and deciding to stay home. I did some recruiting and hiring and whatnot, lots of resume reading and talking to hiring managers about candidates. Most of the female hiring managers I worked with were working mamas. The hate for SAHMs was... thick. Very thick. The second they figured out the resume was due to staying home with baby, the manager would suddenly not be interested. That judgment is absolutely real. I don't doubt that your kiddos provider has some serious hate (ahem jealousy) for SAHMs. Don't be shaken though, you're doing great and it sounds like your kiddo is getting plenty of socialization. If it's bothering you enough, maybe call the office to make sure you never get that provider again. I don't think it rises to the level of filing a complaint, but that's absolutely your decision. Best of luck to you.

Some song recommendations for your morning dance party this morning:

Shake it off - Taylor Swift
Fuck you - ceelo green
Let it go - Disney's Frozen

Carry on, mama

 

[joseph92]

@roxchristian I was told once by my pediatrician that the reason my daughter was acting out was because we had just moved. Well first of all, no, this was a pattern not a new event, and second he was telling me the house that got SHOT AT was less stressful than the "stressful" new middle class neighborhood with friends her age and a good school district she now had. So the only thought I had in my head was "yeah never coming back here again." He just blanket statemented and dismissed my concerns without even asking for details on our life. I was clearly some stupid housewife that didn't have a child psych degree and obviously didn't previously work in medicine for 6 years.

Oh btw, the new pediatrician tested and said ADHD. Since her dad has been diagnosed forever, it wasn't surprising to anyone who actually gives a fuck.

 

[godfavorme]

@joseph92 TBF, even positive changes can be stressful just because it's not what you're used to. But they really should have paid attention to you saying this behavior wasn't new.

 

[oluwayinka]

@roxchristian If this was your only interaction with this person I wouldn't feel personally judged. This is probably their general view of all parents. They don't do homework (parents fault) and unless your kid is in daycare they probably sit in front of a TV all day. It is perfectly reasonable to request a written list of homework items. If it's a center I wouldn't worry about them contacting the other parent. I'm the SAHM and my husband works, but they still sometimes contact him before me. It's usually pretty random.

 

[darryl50]

@roxchristian I have working in childcare and special needs resourcing and now I stay home with my kids. There are some reasons that children with speech delays are recommended to go into some kind of childcare. It’s not just socializing with other children, it’s socializing with the same group of kids in a way that pretty much forces them to expand their communication tools. Add to that the fact that they are with adults who don’t know them as well as you do so they are forced to communicate more to get what they want. It’s something that really only works when their parents are not there. This isn’t a negative judgement on parenting, we understand what they want because we know them and are with them all the time. It’s also so hard not to translate for your child if you are there. However, if this was what your provider was trying to suggest they should have done a better job explaining.

My middle child is struggling with language so in addition to the library and other community things we do I have started to drop her off at the gym daycare more so she can have some practice communication without me. It’s not quite the same as being in childcare but it’s what we can manage as family.

 

[roxchristian]

@darryl50 Honestly, I’m sure he would be much farther along with speech if he was in a daycare setting regularly but him staying home with us in his very early years was important to us for reasons I’m sure a lot of people in this sub might agree with. But recognizing he’s behind, we enrolled him in ST.

I guess I was kind of surprised the silent implication was that we’re lazy parents considering without even talking to me she would already know we pay for and bring him to speech therapy and care enough to schedule makeup sessions. I dunno man.

 

[darryl50]

@roxchristian Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you stay home with him. Despite and because of working in childcare it’s also important to me to stay home. I was trying to say that it may not actually be an implication that you are lazy (although it might be a crap provide and you are right, you would know better than me) but a suggestion based on the fact that in many cases childcare helps. It certainly isn’t some magical solution though that makes all your reasons for not wanting to do childcare invalid.

 

[roxchristian]

@darryl50 Oh, no! I wasn’t trying to insinuate you were saying you didn’t understand why we keep him home and I actually do get that in the end getting him in with a consistent peer group setting possibly in a daycare might be best. I think I was just trying to sort out what exactly was rubbing me wrong about the interaction!

 

[servantofchrist27]

@roxchristian Our first pediatrician— mind you, this was day 4 of life, babe was jaundiced and hadn’t pooped; I was a FTM who had her world rocked— and he asked me last time she had a wet diaper. So I said “oh let me look in the app”. I had been tracking everything in huckleberry. He straight up looked at me and said “oh wow, type A parents don’t really do well with babies….” I was so offended!!! Had I said “I don’t really know” he probably would have said something stupid as well! We had one more visit with that group and peaced out. It was honestly one of the best parenting decisions I’ve made to this day lol