About to miscarry at 7 wks gestational age at home alone with a 2.5 yr old

[mh86]

@chris_mil Schedule the D&C and find help. Miscarriage is so common. A friend or neighbor you trust will absolutely be happy to help you out. You’ll need 2 helpers, one to drive and one to babysit. Call in any and all favors.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

 

[kmar123]

@chris_mil I'm so sorry you're going through this

If you're already spending time in the bathroom for potty training, can you soak in the bath/shower while kiddo sits on their potty? Can you put them in the tub with bathtub paint or soap bubbles or something (no water) while you sit on the toilet? There are definitely fun "rainy day bathtub ideas" around the internet. Can you lock them in the bathroom with you, bring snacks, a drink, toys, and even a screen to be able to care for yourself while watching your toddler?

Can the d&c be scheduled for one of the three days your husband IS home? Maybe they OB's office can work with you if you explain the situation?

I know it would be so much better to have that space to yourself to deal with this and process But if you have no other choice, maybe some of those ideas can help?

 

[chris_mil]

@kmar123 I’m going to call the OBs office tomorrow to see what we can do with scheduling but I’m not optimistic.
My daughter is very… sensitive? I guess that’s the word I’m looking for. She asks MANY questions and is aware of EVERYTHING. Anything that deviates from the norm she has 11 billion questions about and is very tuned into how I react to things so I’m a little concerned about being able to distract her sufficiently without causing multiple major meltdowns.
Maybe I could try introducing the concept of non-water bathtub play now so it’s less suspicious to her when I actually need it lol. Thanks for all of the suggestions!

 

[kmar123]

@chris_mil I hope it works out for you!!

That's tough that she's so inquisitive (wonderful quality! just tough for some situations). I don't think it'd be wrong to answer some of her questions like "mommy's not feeling well/has a bellyache" and "there's some stuff in my belly that needs to come out to make me feel better" and age appropriate stuff like that. But obviously you know her best and what would set her off or not.

Definitely smart to try bathtub play now to make her less suspicious! Best of luck to you and lots of warm thoughts

 

[lindaflores]

@chris_mil Obviously this differs for everyone, but I miscarried at 7 weeks and it was so.... easy. I was laying down and had some cramping, then I stood up and felt something slide out. That's it, that's all she wrote.

I was so scared about how it would all go down because I also knew in advance that it would happen, so I know exactly how you're feeling. You are not alone, despite how it may feel right now.

I wish you so much luck & happiness in your ongoing journey.

 

[kwindy]

@lindaflores I just want to reply that I had a similar experience. I miscarried at 7w and it felt about the same as a period. The worst part was my emotions.

 

[seanch]

@chris_mil I (64f) would call your neighborhood churches and get some grandmas to help you. If one doesn’t have programs, call another. Call senior centers. Neighbors. Call your local sheriff office for wellness checks. They may also have volunteer lists.

May you find a soul-sister/auntie/grandma through this time of devastation and sorrow. Someone that needs a family to love, so you have support when hubby is away.

Sending hugs

 

[rayne49]

@seanch Many churches has a sisters of grace etc, where it’s women who visit the elderly AND women in need. Definitely worth a call.

 

[layk]

@chris_mil Sorry your going through this.

Went through similar at 10 weeks.

It was like a rough period for about 48 hours. It really wasn’t bad. I was able to function without issue- mentally was very weak but physically almost normal.

Also, probably no need for a D&C, I took misoprostol without any issues and was able to stay at home. Politics have changed things a bit, maybe it’s not available in your state, but I would recommend that.

 

[shortyi]

@chris_mil I had a miscarriage home alone with my toddler and infant; nine weeks along. I didn't know what was going on but I'd had abortions in the past so kinda knew.

Anyway, I got us all in the bathroom and shut the door. My daughter was in the bath with me, but my son was not a fan of the idea. I gave him my laptop (although now we could use ipads) and put on his favourite shows. I explained that I was feeling sick and my tummy hurt.

I had a towel in the tub over my body just incase he saw anything. Thankfully my husband got home within the hour and took the kids and waited for my MIL (who then took me to the hospital).

Ideally, though, your husband would just take the time off. Or have a family member travel down to see you. Best wishes are with you.

 

[bobyj79]

@chris_mil I’m so incredibly sorry for everything you have gone through. Can your husband cancel his work trip? I would consider this under the category of a family emergency.

I had a miscarriage at about 9 weeks gestational age. I can tell you about my experience but I will say, everyone’s experience is different, so it may be different for you. I found out about the miscarriage about a week and a half after it actually happened. I had had some spotting that starting to increase. I got a prescription for I think it was misoprostol so I could pass everything at home (or attempt to). I was ok with super pads throughout the day. What I absolutely was not prepared for, nor did they doctor inform me that I would see the baby. I honestly thought it would come out looking like a blood clot and would blend in with everything else coming out. Nope. In the middle of the night I felt stuff coming out. I went to the bathroom and there my baby was, laying on my pad. I could make out little fingers and toes beginning to form. You could see things like where the ear was going to form, etc. I was numb. And at a complete loss of what to do. We ended up getting a little cup from my kitchen and placing baby in the refrigerator until morning. I didn’t want to flush my baby down the toilet or in the garbage. We ended up burying little one in the back yard. I was ok with that but I still feel weird about it. Like should we have done something more?? I wish my doctor would have better prepared me for that because I think I would have been more prepared about what to do.

Overall I had minimal cramping but the emotional part of it was really hard. I ended up passing everything so didn’t need the d&c. My heavy bleeding started about 2 weeks after the passing of my baby. Not sure if would have been longer without the medication or not.

If you can get help from someone, a good friend, family member, hell even a babysitter who can come and watch your toddler so you can focus on yourself, definitely do that. People WANT to help other people. I’m sure there are many people in your life (regardless if you realize it or not) that would be glad to provide support. Sending a long virtual hug to you.

 

[diasgang4]

@chris_mil Single mama here! My toddler came with for my broken back I crawled into the er with him holding my jacket. He sat on my bed with me and watched my phone
The saints of a nurse hung out with him so I could do my images and we were reunited right out the X-ray doors. I thought they would call cps or insisted I had imaginary friends or family come to the rescue but that’s how I found out I’m not alone and I’m not the only mama whose had to do this! They give support especially the nurses who are parents themselves! Gotta take care of mama we’re all they have sometimes.

Just remember it’s ok for them to take a break in a safe room for ten minutes while you monitor from the camera and take a break in the bathroom
They will cry but if you set a timer and visibly see them TAKE THAT BREAK

 

[yuvastyle]

@chris_mil You've gotten a lot of good advice about how to get through this with a toddler. You mentioned that you were interested in testing the to determine a cause of the loss. If you think you might miscarry at home, ask your OB for a hat for the toilet. That should catch the products of conception and won't require you fishing around the toilet for it. I'm sorry about your loss.

 

[loolooise]

@yuvastyle This is a great idea. If you can’t get that, sometimes folks catch the products of conception in a colander or strainer.

 

[bobmurray]

@loolooise Products of conception. Oh my.

 

[anabenana]

@bobmurray That’s what they are lol

 

[withak]

@chris_mil He has to be there or someone has to be with you at all times. When my wife miscarried it was such a difficult time, and you need physical and emotional support. It is a situation I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but you need each other.

My wife took two weeks off of work because of how she felt.

Please please take care yourself. Your husband should be there, but If you have family or loved ones ask them To come to support you.

Do not be alone right now with just your kid. It’s too much to ask of anyone.

 

[annessa3]

@withak Think individual preference can be a mixed bag. When I miscarried at this gestational age, I was super grateful I worked from home and my partner was in an office all day - I needed that space to process and wallow and experience it all, and would be sending my toddler and partner away if I were going through it again today.

Now doing it solo while caring for a toddler sounds horrible.

 

[infinitycode]

@chris_mil I am sorry for your loss. This is the time for tv and devices. Can you sit your toddler in front of Bluey or something?

 

[emediong]

@chris_mil I had a miscarriage last February, my husband had been working out of town half the week, but thank goodness mine started the day he got back. We also have a toddler.
I bled so heavily that by noon, right after I got the baby down for her nap, I passed out in the bathroom. My husband thankfully had to get up to pee (works nights) and found me with my pants around my ankles, covered in blood with my forehead split open.
I was completely unable to get up and he had to call an ambulance. I continued bleeding for 24-36 hours and couldn't sit up long enough to go to the bathroom, much less watch our child. DH had to go back a few days later, but he was able to be there until I gained enough strength to function.
I know it's an extreme situation and probably won't happen to you, but I just want to stress how important it is to have someone close you can reach out to, or have stay with you.
I'm very sorry you're going through this