About to miscarry at 7 wks gestational age at home alone with a 2.5 yr old

@chris_mil If you’re in the US, please call 211 and ask if your community has any resources to help with childcare for medical emergencies. There are several organizations that might have chapters in your area (the names are unfortunately escaping me right now) that handle things like this.

Also, if you need to go to the ER, don’t worry. Just take your child with you and someone at the hospital will help you sort out emergency childcare. This is often through CPS, but that doesn’t mean you will be investigated or have your child taken away. They handle cases like this all the time, it happened a lot during COVID when parents were hospitalized. They usually have people who specialize in this kind of temporary situation.
 
@chris_mil OP, I went through this a few months ago. Miscarried at 7w5d and my kid was 21 months. PLEASE reach out to a neighbor, friend, whoever to be on call if things get bad. I had to go to the ER and was there for several hours. Hopefully that won't happen to you, but if it does, you will need someone to care for your toddler. Hang in there and I'm so sorry this is happening.
 
@chris_mil Do you get along with your neighbors? If so do you think they’d be open to watching your toddler in a pinch? Honestly, I don’t even know most of my neighbors beyond a simple wave here and there.
But if they were going through something like this and came to me for help I’d definitely do whatever I could.
 
@chris_mil Can you take miso pills to speed it up? I had a missed miscarriage last month, it stopped growing at 6 weeks. I waited until my toddler went to bed. I took the pills at 6pm, bedtime at 7 pm, and it was over around midnight.
 
@chris_mil OP, I’m so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage at 7
Weeks this April and opted for a D&C, so I can’t talk specifically about enduring at home. But I opted for the surgery specifically because the idea of trying to comfort my son (almost 3) while trying to care for myself sounded so hard. On the off chance you’re in Minnesota/ the Twin Cities metro please let me know. I will drive you to your procedure if at all feasible.

I will defer to anyone who has miscarried at home, but my advice for toddler management is to lean in to special things like snuggling mom in bed, watching Disney movies, playing with shaving cream in the bathtub (clean it later.)
 
@chris_mil first, im so sorry youre going through this :( this exact thing just happened to me a month or so ago.. i have 2 toddlers at home and my husband was away for work. it was pretty brutal but i made it through...

i was bleeding for a few days prior so i knew it was coming, then one evening the cramps started coming on. i gave my kids a hearty meal, children's melatonin, and put them to bed early before it got too bad. i was bleeding a ton and was also scared i was going to bleed out, i had my husband calling me every couple hours throughout the night to make sure i was okay. i was able to sleep after a few hours of intense cramping/passing tissue. by the morning i was okay to take my kids to daycare and go to work. throughout that day i was having bouts of cramps but nothing like the night before. i called my OB the that day and they said it wasnt even necessary to come in unless i wanted to.

like others said, pause the potty training until you get through this. premake some meals if you can for you and your child in case you're in the thick of it during their awake time. definitely get diapers cause the maxi pads did nothing for me, esp laying down. make sure you have some sort of pain relief and a hot pad for the cramps. good luck
 
@chris_mil I’m so sorry. I miscarried at 8 weeks similar situation except I didn’t have any children at home. I was alone when everything passed. I was given meds to help me dialate because it wasn’t progressing on its own but was not viable/no heart beat. I passed a very large clot that my OB said I should have gone to the hospital due to (after the fact) but didn’t have the presence of mind to go when it happened because I nearly passed out. Is there anyway you could have a neighbor or babysitter come to the house while you are home to help out?
 
@chris_mil I also miscarried around this age and would highly recommend a D&C. I had excess bleeding and almost required a transfusion. Had I been at home, it could have been a very bad ending. I am sorry for your loss. My heart is with you 💛
 
@chris_mil I’m so sorry you are going through this. A miscarriage is brutal and it sounds like you have been through the ringer (wringer? I never know) with having multiple already. I’m so sorry.

There are multiple questions/concerns in your post and i will try to separate them out in my reply:
* I went through a miscarriage at 9 weeks and, while everyone’s body and pregnancy are different, a D&C was not necessary. I had similar experiences to many outlined above. While the bleeding was very heavy, I managed it with large pads intended for lochia after birth. An adult diaper would be similar and might enable you to fish out any tissue you can.
* fainting: I am a fainter (I faint easily) but did not feel light headed at all with my miscarriage at 9 weeks. That said, I did not have a toddler to chase around. Can you get some help from a trusted friend or sitter during this time so you can rest and cry alone?
* if not, dealing with a toddler while going through this means this is a time for screen time. Do you do Miss Rachel? bluey? FaceTime with relatives or friends far away from? Whatever it is, this is the time for it!! My husband works far away most of the time and so I solo parent 3 weeks out of 4. If I need a shower during the morning/day (ie not at night when she’s sleeping), I put her in a child safe room where I can see her from the shower and use Miss Rachel without guilt. You could also set toddler up with a laptop/iPad and Miss Rachel in the bathroom. Toddler can watch something while you take a bath too.
* cuddles in bed with toddler might also work. Contact naps if toddler still naps. Movies, tea together (something caffeine free and herbal like chamomile would work great), etc
* stop potty training; it can be restarted later!

Hope this helps some. Thinking of you and sending hugs; miscarriages are brutal and I’m so sorry.

Edited: word choice change for sensitivity
 
@chris_mil For my own experience, my mmc's were measured at 8 and 6 weeks and I had my d&c's at 10.5 and 11 weeks (both were caught at a 10 week appt). So in those instances I just never did bleed on my own before I got a d&c scheduled. It's not something to count on, and I'd be as prepared as possible with a plan in place to bleed, but just wanted to put it out there for another point of reference and I've seen a few others recommend possibly scheduling one as a backup since you said there may be a wait if it got to that due to your location.
 
@chris_mil I’ve had 2 in the last 6 months that were around the 7 week mark. It felt like a really bad period for about an hour. The heavier parts that were being pushed out felt like contractions but only needed 1 - 3 of them the whole time. Bleeding was heavy for the first hour and died off fairly quickly after that. Both times had my toddler with me. First time I was in the shower cleaning up and he came in and had a breastfeed. Second time he just watched tv. Both times when the blood got really heavy I made a mess on the floor just trying to get from pants off to toilet. So have some towels, or cleaning supplies at hand. I also just put towels down on my bed/couch as well as wore pads and just sat with my toddler and watched tv too. Both times the next day I was “fine” and went back to work. The last one I had residual bleeding for 3 weeks which did go away on its own.
 
@chris_mil Oh honey. I’m so sorry. I’ve had two miscarriages. If you’re able I’d recommend getting in for a DNC ASAP.
I had it done for my first miscarriage. I bled A TON before I went, so much that i nearly passed out.

I opted to stay at home for my second. It was agony.
If you happen to be near me I’ll gladly watch your kiddo for you. I’m in nw Washington.
 
@katrina2017 Maybe his job leaves him no choice? Maybe he has a choice, but their finances won't allow him to take unpaid time off?

Maybe, because she's already MCed a few times this year according to her, he has been there and now can't possibly take more time off?

Why do you seemingly assume, as so many seem to have in this thread, that he's simply choosing to not be there?
 
@katrina2017 Literally any other adult in their lives could be there to support her without him losing his job. Why does it have to be him, even at the cost of their only income source?

You're making WAY too many assumptions.
 
@chris_mil I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Your husband has to take time off work. There’s no other option here. File for FMLA after the fact if you have to in order to protect his job but we are talking about your health and safety as well as that of your child. I just don’t see any other option here. If that absolutely cannot happen, call every friend, every family member, anyone you trust to at least watch your child “when it starts” and check on you. What will the plan be if you have an emergency? Personally, I opted for the d&c when I was in your position a couple years ago. I couldn’t stand the agony of waiting. Please take care of yourself and prioritize what you need
 
@chris_mil I miscarried at that point and I don’t think there was anything to recover. Maybe a few bigger clots. I would go in for the D&C and your husband needs to cancel his trip. Surely he has some family leave or sick days or something he can use.
 
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