3 weeks solo with toddler. Ways to ease the load?

[joshanna]

I’m realizing how privileged I am to have a husband to split parenting responsibilities with on a regular basis. He needs to travel abroad for a little over 3 weeks (spanning across 4 weekends). It’s an important trip and I support him on it. But now I’m trying to figure out how to avoid getting overly stressed out while being solo with our 20 month old. She’ll be in daycare during weekdays/work hours and I’ll have some family help for a few hours on Sundays. I’m also 25 weeks pregnant so physical activities are beginning to get tougher (e.g., she hates leaving the bath so lifting her out while she’s flailing and kicking is going to be challenging).

I don’t like cooking so I’m going to get a meal delivery service. Otherwise, during weekday am/evening hours and the rest of the weekend, has anyone found ways to make this easier? She’s a poor eater, sleep has become crap lately too, and she’s generally pretty restless/high energy so I’d love to find ways to catch a break

 

[stevenj]

@joshanna Remind yourself it’s ok not to be an “ideal” parent during this time. It’s survival mode. So there is mores screen time that’s ok. Only ate strawberries one day that’s ok at least she ate. Remember toddlers will eat barely nothing one day and then as much as a grown man the next. I know you said she was active but I found lots of new arts and crafts to be helpful(stickers were big deal for my daughter at that age) they are disposable so not adding more clutter.

 

[joshanna]

@stevenj Only eating strawberries is the story of her life now . Stickers are a great idea, she loves those!

 

[givein87]

@stevenj I just went through a weekend of my 2 year old turning his nose up at just about everything. My husband was totally unphased and was just “he’ll eat when he’s ready” as I’m worried mama in the corner. He pretty much subsisted on squeeze pouches until dinner yesterday and suddenly the ravioli he turned his nose up at earlier was delicious.

 

[jtgabq]

@joshanna Maybe you could get some new toys/activities that she won’t get until your husband is away. Mine always played with new toys a little longer than the old ones.

 

[joshanna]

@jtgabq This is a great idea, thanks! Definitely willing to buy a bunch of new toys if that will keep her occupied for longer

 

[some_puppies]

@joshanna Do you have an indoor playground, or nearby park or any similar out of the house activities that are enclosed so you can mostly sit? I just did a 2 week solo with 2 kids and a local indoor playground saved my sanity for a couple days. I find my kids are a lot easier. The indoor was better bc with the 2 they couldn't run in different directions and there were a lot of other kids to play with so they weren't on me to play with them.

Also if you have any friends that you could trade a weekend or night sitting with when your husband is home for one while he's gone? Or I've even hired someone to come be a second adult for 1 night a week. When there is a lot of traveling happening.

My husband and I both have to regularly travel for work but it's usually 3-4 days so not nearly as bad. The week + ones are definitely rougher.

 

[joshanna]

@some_puppies Oh I haven’t even thought about an indoor playground option. There’s a couple near me that I haven’t tried yet and it sounds like it’s time to give it a go. Thanks!

 

[perryplaya]

@joshanna My husband travels for work a few times a year and is typically gone for 2-3 weeks at a time and I have a toddler as well.

What we have started doing is before his upcoming trip, we both get the house in tip top shape, like clean enough that you could eat off the floor, everything is dusted, bedding is washed, etc. I feel so much peace when the house is really clean, so getting it to a clean slate before he leaves helps me keep the day to day picking up and spot cleaning doable.

I also do not cook much, and my husband is the main cook in the house. We go on a huge shopping trip prior to his leave and we meal prep until our fridge/freezer/pantry is chock full of meals and ready to go snacks. We have a vacuum sealer for the freezer meals which helps. We make a ton of burritos, curry dishes, egg bites, yogurt, granola for yogurt and snacking, protein bars, prewash veggies/fruit to have in the fridge ready to go, and generally buy things like chicken patties or sausages from Costco for easy and quick meals. We don't have a dishwasher so meal prepping ahead saves me so much time from cooking and washing dishes everyday.

We have a dog that he typically takes for a run everyday during his lunch break (works from home) and it's too cumbersome to do that just myself with a stroller (he has leash aggression issues) so I get him set up for doggie daycare ahead of time. It's expensive but it's so worth it.

I try to avoid scheduling any appointments during travel time unless I have family I know I can rely on to watch my daughter.

My daughter is extremely active and isn't really interested in crafts/sitting in general so my ultimate goal is to keep her busy all day as well. We primarily spend time outside of the house (which helps keep the house clean). We usually go to the library, beach, the zoo, play in the yard, go for long walks, run errands, go to a friend's house, literally anything to get her out of the house. I remember being pregnant and how terribly tired I was, I couldn't imagine doing that with a toddler. If you have friends and family nearby I would try to lean on them as much as possible to help keep your kiddo entertained/give you a break. A few times during his trips I definitely felt like I was drowning and my best friend is an absolute saint and would come over to help me clean my house/hangout with my daughter.

Also, not sure how you feel about tv time, but I definitely rely on Ms Rachel, Bluey, and Octonauts when my husband is out of town. Nothing excessive, but it helps when I need to get laundry and dishes done.

The most important piece of advice I could give is to give yourself a break during all of this. It's not the end of the world if you skip a bath here and there or get behind on keeping the house tidy.

Good luck!

 

[joshanna]

@perryplaya This is so much great advice, thank you! Yea any rules about tv time are out the window for now so she’ll probably get plenty of Rachel. A vacuum sealer is something I haven’t thought about before but sounds cool, so I’m going to check that out too.

 

[perryplaya]

@joshanna I loathe cooking (mainly because we don't have a dishwasher) but we are on a strict food budget so we make most things from scratch, even staples like mozzarella, yogurt, and bread, so we often buy in bulk at Costco. The vacuum sealer makes it so nothing we buy in bulk goes to waste, highly recommend! We live in a mother in law apartment at my in-laws place so we all decided to go in on a deep freezer together as well to store everything. We were able to get our food budget down from 700 to 450-550. On the trips we weren't able to meal prep, I definitely ordered a ton of takeout and bought prepared food though. I have no idea how people cook with a toddler running around lol.

 

[edilisa]

@perryplaya My partner leaves tomorrow for 3 days and I came here to find ideas and support. We have no village where we live and I dread these 3 days but this post gives me hope

Edit: spelling

 

[perryplaya]

@edilisa Good luck!! The key is really prepping ahead of time as much as you can.

 

[edilisa]

@perryplaya Thank you so much. Reddit is really an amazing place.

 

[lee1009]

@joshanna Plan bath time for when you have help. You don't want to injure yourself trying to lift her out of the bath, since that would make the rest of the solo time that much harder. (And even hire someone if you can swing it financially!) At this stage, my kids didn't get baths every night, and it was fine.

Come up with some activities that don't require a lot of mental planning. At this stage I already had a baby, so I took my daughter and the baby to the zoo nearly every day. At 20 months she didn't seem to get bored of the repetition, it gave us a plan for the day, it was toddler friendly, and it tired her out enough that we came home and napped after. If you have several places, the better.

Plan playdates! If you're having a hard day (I had hard pregnancies so solo weekends would have been SO HARD), have people over with similar aged kids. That seems to help tire the kids out without being too taxing on you.

Screen time is fine. Do what you need to do to get through the next couple weeks. My daughter got a LOT of screen time around this age (my second was born when she was 20 months, and again it was a hard pregnancy), and it's fine!

Good luck!

 

[joshanna]

@lee1009 Thank you! I love how several people are commenting about being more lax on the baths. We do it every night for her but I’m feeling more ok about spacing it out more now. And yes, totally agreed on the screentime too!

 

[echopark]

@joshanna Buy almost everything that’s not fresh in advance so you don’t have to go shopping as much nor carry heavy stuff. If you can or wish to hire someone to do a deep clean once so for the 3 weeks cleaning is more manageable. I would say to batch cook in advance but you have that figured out already. Sort out all admin stuff ahead. Anything that will allow you to focus as much as possible on the kid only.

I was alone for 2 weeks with a 8 week newborn and I found the above was what helped me the most.

 

[joshanna]

@echopark With a newborn sounds so much tougher! I’ve been thinking about maybe getting a cleaning service once or twice during this time - you’re right that this will be a good way to ease the admin bits

 

[echopark]

@joshanna It was surprisingly not as hard as I had expected, apart from the mental component of being completely alone which you won’t be. You’ll come out stronger from this you’ll see

 

[sugahani]

@joshanna A little different but I’m on my last day of parenting solo for 16 days with my 9 month old. My husband is usually our childcare 50% if the time, and since it was an emergency we weren’t able to replace it all, unfortunately. Here’s what I did that helped:

1. We got out of the house often. I have an extroverted baby, so it’s important for him. It’s even been good for introverted me.
2. We spend a lot of time outside in our yard, which we both enjoy
3. I purchased a couple of new toys
4. We visited new playgrounds (he’s almost walking but not quite so limited activities there but still good)
5. I did cook because eating well makes me feel better. It’s actually been surprisingly nice for me. It makes me feel more human. Is there something similar you can do?
6. I scheduled him to be in daycare and me off work for half a day. It brought my sanity back.
7. I leaned into snuggles and closeness.
8. I had some family visit. I got to chat with adults and my baby was entertained.
9. I simplified. If it doesn’t immediately need to be done, I didn’t do it.
10. Some days were just really hard. I let myself cry and sulk for a minute and then reminded myself it’s temporary (in a couple of months he’ll be gone for 30 days though).
11. Hobo showers are fine some days

Good luck and Godspeed, you’ve got this!