(18) (F) so i have a 1 year old daughter; are guys willing to date someone with a child…?

[dogmahunter]

i haven’t had luck with any guys coming to me about dating…only sex. i’m very close with this one guy, but he said he cannot date me because i have a child. i understand they don’t want another mans kid…i do. but i would really like to get back into dating and i just feel like no guy will want me. i’m 5,3 102 pounds green eyes dirty blondish.

 

[adviceplease]

@dogmahunter Yes some guys are willing to date someone with a child. At your age however, there might not be too many.

 

[risalene]

@adviceplease Not too many... the same age, anyhow. I feel gross now.

 

[lives4him]

@risalene Don’t feel gross, you did what humans were meant to do

 

[carolcole]

@dogmahunter I been a single mom since I was 18. Majority just want sex as they view you as easy. Literally the words I’ve heard from men. I am turning 30 soon and I am still single. I sometimes fear I’ll be alone forever but, I am just working on myself. I would just focus on your little one and the right one will show up

 

[sterlingcamp]

@carolcole This is so true. And even if you do end up single forever, you will always have your kid. When your kid grows up, they will take good care of you and if you raise them well, they will do a lot of stuff with you like going to movies, hiking, etc!! Your child is a blessing

 

[rafaeliyah]

@carolcole It's not that they view you as easy. It's none of them want to take care of your kids and I bet most just wanted to just keep things casual.

 

[sheogorath87]

@rafaeliyah She said “literally the words I’ve heard from men”. But you know better? Sit down.

 

[carolcole]

@rafaeliyah I’ve been told by multiple men over the course of 10 years that they view single moms as easy. Their reasonings are because most single moms are lonely they are more willing to lay in bed first date in their opinion. There are a handful that do want something more serious but, believe me none of them were 18. All the 18 year olds when I was 18 and dating wanted something casual/ fwb. To the OP dating is easy making sure someone will ride with you for the long haul is the difficult part.

 

[manne]

@rafaeliyah You said what she said in more unnecessary words.

 

[touchedbythelight]

@dogmahunter as a single dad, I almost look exclusively for single mothers to date. They understand the time commitment, the lack of free time, and the demand of being a parent.

There’s definitely guys out there that will date single moms, just have to be careful and find the right ones.

 

[feudum]

@touchedbythelight Single dad myself, dated 5 women in the 7 years since my divorce. All single mothers. I absolutely prefer single moms. All 5 had their child’s father extremely involved though, which is great for the kids. Single parents, like you said, just understand better.

 

[blondebriana]

@feudum Some guys prefer a single mom with full custody because a lot of men are terrified of “baby daddy drama” even though there are excellent co-parents out there.

 

[katrina2017]

@blondebriana Goes the other way, too. I try to drop the "I'm a single father to a baby" early on and almost always "what's the custody situation like?" is the follow-up. Which then leads into "...I'm also a widower", which is a super fun topic.

The excellent co-parent thing is like the realtor saying "there's an HOA but it's a really good one, they aren't invasive or anything." While that could be true, it's hard to say without making a bigger commitment so it's always going to be a concern starting out.

 

[jbod]

@touchedbythelight Makes sense
You gotta be careful to find the right ones

 

[blondebriana]

@touchedbythelight Yes! As a single mom you have to be very careful when you date childless men. They are inexperienced with taking on a father role and some purposely seek single moms to exploit.

 

[katrina2017]

@touchedbythelight This is the way.

Also with my experience they seem much more relaxed. Much less pressure. Just so much easier lol.

 

[jc4us]

@dogmahunter At 18 with a young child, you should be focusing on yourself and your future, not a relationship. What you wrote reveals that you have low self esteem and only judge your worth through the eyes of a man. You’re worth so much more than that, and so is your child. She is not just “some other man’s kid” to raise. The right partner will value both of you. Having a child should make you raise your standards, not lower them.

Do you have a career or plans for one? How do you plan to support your kid and yourself? You really need to sort that out before you date. Trust me, don’t wait for a man to come rescue you—rescue yourself and then decide if a relationship can add to your and your daughter’s life or not.

 

[thewoman2014]

@jc4us Heavily agree. Please focus on a career to stabilize you and baby. Men will always be here I promise.

 

[voiceoftheshires]

@jc4us Best advice at 18 and at any age as a single parent, I'm 29 about to become one and this just hits hard. Prioritize and value yourself above everything. I clearly still dont know how and im struggling. Wish I'd known this/been told this at your age. It applies to any age honestly.