@fallingapart In another sub I saw a comment that stuck with me. It was: imagine you and your spouse are old, and just finished setting a beautifully decored thanksgiving table, complete with candlelight, loads of food, drinks, deserts etc. Your adult children are on their way to spend the holiday with you. For how many have you set your table?
Will I regret only having 1 child?
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fallingapart
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@fallingapart Np 
it made me realise I wanted way more kids than we can problably afford, financially and mentally 
so we have decided to take each child as it comes, and let fate decide. We began late in the game, we had our first last year at 33 years old. And we are in no hurry. If we are still fertile and having kids at 43, be it child number two or number five, it's welcomed by us. And if we end up having no more kids, then at least we have our perfect, awesome little dude of a son to spend the next few years with, exploring the world through his eyes. Then he gets more time with us, v.s. having more time with possible future siblings. Each scenario has it pros and cons. But either way it goes, I am so excited for the future 
it made me realise I wanted way more kids than we can problably afford, financially and mentally so we have decided to take each child as it comes, and let fate decide. We began late in the game, we had our first last year at 33 years old. And we are in no hurry. If we are still fertile and having kids at 43, be it child number two or number five, it's welcomed by us. And if we end up having no more kids, then at least we have our perfect, awesome little dude of a son to spend the next few years with, exploring the world through his eyes. Then he gets more time with us, v.s. having more time with possible future siblings. Each scenario has it pros and cons. But either way it goes, I am so excited for the future @fallingapart I swear I thought I wrote this at first! I have 1 beautiful 18 month babygirl and I constantly question myself about having more but me and my husband were both told we couldn’t have kids so she’s our miracle! My postpartum was horrible and I have health issues so I know having another one would take away from our daughter. I also worried about if we tried and it not happening how disappointed I might be. So I’m enjoying being a mama to 1 and done, she’s my world! Do what’s best for you and your family! 
all the love and good vibes 
all the love and good vibes fallingapart
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@fallingapart I had a baby boy, and the first 2 years of his life were the best 2 years of my life. Then I got pregnant. With twins. It changed everything. I got pregnant because I didn't want my son to be lonely. Now he's 7, and he hates his little brothers for ruining his good life. That's literally how he feels, and he tells me that all the time. He has told me that since he was 3.
When we get pregnant, we just naturally expect the best. We don't plan on having special needs children or high maintenance children... but you really don't know what will happen. So just be sure you are prepared for your entire world to do a 180. If you are ok with that, then go for it and hope it doesn't play out that way.
When we get pregnant, we just naturally expect the best. We don't plan on having special needs children or high maintenance children... but you really don't know what will happen. So just be sure you are prepared for your entire world to do a 180. If you are ok with that, then go for it and hope it doesn't play out that way.
fallingapart
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@nharmsen Oh my! What a plot twist! I couldn’t imagine going from 3 to 5 in such a short amount of time. Definitely not ready right now or maybe ever lol but yes the special needs/high maintenance is something to think about and that we often forget. Thanks so much for your advice good luck with your family and may your boy learn to love his siblings hopefully sooner than later 
good luck with your family and may your boy learn to love his siblings hopefully sooner than later pandyreturnshuzzah
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@fallingapart If I didn’t have my sister when I had a baby, I would not have help like I do. I mean it’s not guaranteed they’ll get along and having more children is definitely a personal decision. I was one and done up until about 11 months PP. Now I’m thinking about another. But gonna wait til I’m mentally ready for another haha. Kids are hard.
fallingapart
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@pandyreturnshuzzah Kids are DEFINITELY HARD! lol I get it. This is why the decision is that much harder. Thanks for your input
infomommax
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@fallingapart Your only child might grow up and wish she had a sibling.
OR, maybe you give her siblings and they don’t get along.
There’s no guarantees! I know plenty of happy only children.
OR, maybe you give her siblings and they don’t get along.
There’s no guarantees! I know plenty of happy only children.
fallingapart
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@infomommax As long as she’s happy that’s all I’m really worried about. Hopefully she likes being an only tho fingers crossed! 
infomommax
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@fallingapart I assume she’ll be happier than if you had another kid, and didn’t actually want to!
tonya22673
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@fallingapart I found this via someone’s post awhile ago. I think it is wonderfully advice for making a decision.
The ghost ship that didn’t carry us
I wished I had seen it when we were trying to decide to have kids at all. Now it’s as applicable as it was then to trying to have a second.
I’m comfortable now, with one. She’s a little older so many things are much much easier. Part of me dreads doing it all over again. Part of me (and him) is so ready. We’ve been trying, not so successfully, for some time. Pretty much at the point of - do we start seeing fertility specialists or not?
So it’s relevant yet again. It’s all the same questions really. It’s a complete unknown having a second, just as it was having a first.
Which would you regret more, in the here and now? All you can do is make the best decision for you today.
The ghost ship that didn’t carry us
I wished I had seen it when we were trying to decide to have kids at all. Now it’s as applicable as it was then to trying to have a second.
I’m comfortable now, with one. She’s a little older so many things are much much easier. Part of me dreads doing it all over again. Part of me (and him) is so ready. We’ve been trying, not so successfully, for some time. Pretty much at the point of - do we start seeing fertility specialists or not?
So it’s relevant yet again. It’s all the same questions really. It’s a complete unknown having a second, just as it was having a first.
Which would you regret more, in the here and now? All you can do is make the best decision for you today.
fallingapart
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@tonya22673 Wow super deep! For me one and done is much more appealing but I think time and how my baby reacts to being just us is what will ultimately give me my answer. Thanks for this
@fallingapart I thought I was one and done but I wanted to give my daughter a best friend to go through life with. My siblings and I are very very close and well into our 20s and 30s. I’m currently pregnant and my girl is already forming a bond with her baby sibling in my belly. She reads nightly, lotions my belly, talks to my belly, sing and a whole lot more.
fallingapart
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@fallingapart My sister ruined my life. I haven’t seen her in 5 year and I hope I never have to.
I wish I had been an only! I was really easy and then my parents had my sister and she had so many issues. It really broke my family. Only now in my late twenties have I healed from my childhood. Every problem my family had was related to my younger sister.
All the families I know personally spend their time mediating their children - trying to make things fair. I personally don’t want to deal with that part of having a second kid.
For me. I see pregnancy as a huge roll the dice situation. I got so lucky with my healthy boy. I don’t want to roll again. I also almost died which wasn’t fun.
He will have friends and cousins to play with. I want home to always be a safe place for him.
I wish I had been an only! I was really easy and then my parents had my sister and she had so many issues. It really broke my family. Only now in my late twenties have I healed from my childhood. Every problem my family had was related to my younger sister.
All the families I know personally spend their time mediating their children - trying to make things fair. I personally don’t want to deal with that part of having a second kid.
For me. I see pregnancy as a huge roll the dice situation. I got so lucky with my healthy boy. I don’t want to roll again. I also almost died which wasn’t fun.
He will have friends and cousins to play with. I want home to always be a safe place for him.
fallingapart
New member
@runnerguy Wow what an awful situation to have to go through! Both your sister and your babies birth couldn’t have been easy. It’s such a gamble really and idk that I’m prepared for that right now. Thanks for your input
@fallingapart I was raised as an only child (I have half-siblings, but that's a story for another time).
I have always loved it.
I have always loved it.
fallingapart
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@trevorr10 It’s such a relief to hear that. Hopefully my daughter feels the same way 