Why I'm quitting

@nicholas70 My boss is also a woman and a mom but her children are now adults and I wonder if time has allowed her to forget what it’s like. I say this because my boss literally hates working moms. She makes nasty comments about moms at my company who use their PTO (looks down on them for using their benefits for reasons related to spending time with their family instead of other reasons) and has made my maternity leave planning an absolute nightmare. If working for ignorant men can be bad, but working for petty women can be equally bad, what recourse do we have? It feels like there’s nowhere to run.
 
@johpar0256 I’ve experienced this mentality with some older women too. I feel like they almost want us to “suck it up”, but why? The whole “we had to do it this way, you should too” is such an awful mindset.
 
@nicholas70 Worked it out with my previous manager before I went on leave that I would like to use my PTO (1 week off extending from mat leave). She changed her tune and said work was too busy so I had to come back but it really wasn't. There was no real work for the first week of me coming back and it was just power play. She was a disgusting toxic person. My anxiety and resentment went thru the roof that week, and wished I was still off with my 3 mo old baby.

Left that job and never looked back. I never understood why older generations have that mentality of I had it worse than you and younger generations should suffer like they did. Women should be supportive of other women.
 
@kayla413 My boss called me a few days ago to ask that I reduce my leave time request because “it would require a special approval due to the length of time requested”. AKA she wanted me to reduce my request before asking for leave approval from her boss and HR.

What happened to you sounds like the exact type of thing my boss would try so I’ve noted this in my brain. Fml
 
@johpar0256 Ugh that sucks. It's all a disgusting power play tactic imo. I was so done and ready to quit after all that went down when I returned but I held on for another 6mo until I found my unicorn job now. I hope you win and if not screw all of them!
 
@osvaldo Damn. I live in a state with state ‘paid’ parental leave and all I had to do was text my boss I wouldn’t me in on Monday. The state leave is super easy through an online portal. This should 100% be the norm
 
@djmads Colorado will have a similar leave program that starts next year and I’ll be eligible to use that benefit even though my kid will be born this year. I can’t wait to exert this power at my job. I. Cannot. Wait.
 
@djmads Well at least in the state I leave the paid benefit is capped. And while it claims up to 90% or pay, I think you need to make really low to get to this number. I think I got like 50%

Still better than unpaid leave but I’m glad my employer topped it to 100% and gave weeks on top
 
@osvaldo Upon being told that I’d need a c-section for my stubborn, immovable breech baby, someone said “yay, you get an extra two weeks of disability!” to me like I was supposed to be super happy and grateful for this. I totally get it.

Also, I’m so sorry that you had to do 29 hours of labor only to go to a c-section. I can’t imagine.
 
@osvaldo Fuck. That.

I was literally so out of it that I forgot to follow corporate policy and call out sick for 5 days before STD kicked in… Well, my saint of an HR lady took care of everything for me… Because she was HUMAN and a mom/grandma, so I got lucky. I work at a fortune 300 with 15k employees. Never leaving. A company that values family is my top priority when seeking employment.
 
@osvaldo You absolutely nailed it. In the US, the last thought of many dying patients is how they’re going to pay for their lifesaving care. We are barbaric.

The fact that some hospitals actually charge for “skin to skin” in the OR is another disgusting thing moms think about as their guts are literally moved around and they have people’s hands deep inside their open abdominal cavity.

For me, I was secretly thrilled we couldn’t find child care (even though we got on nearly a dozen waiting lists when I was still in my first trimester — yet ANOTHER major problem for parents in the US) because it meant I could tell my job I needed more time before I could return to work. (Our benefits closely aligned with yours). My baby was 3 months. Ugh.

Then as soon as I returned to work, COVID hit, and I got it at the very beginning while I was a new mom already suffering from severe PPA in winter in NH with no help, and I was still trying to work, nurse, and NOT DIE all at the same time. This culminated in me being sent to the ER. I broke down after that. I still wasn’t fully healed from my c section and resulting hemorrhaging and blood transfusions and here I was, unable to breathe, thinking about all the ways I was failing.

The list goes on an on.
 
@osvaldo Ugh… I hear you. I’m trying to plan my second baby being born 12 weeks before my PTO resets so that the I’ll still have PTO after the 12 weeks unpaid FMLA mandatorily burns it all up. It’s so dumb. We can’t save some precious days off for a new mom, think of the business!
 
@osvaldo My company is similar and there was always something wrong with my pay because of how time was coded! I spent most of my leave fixing it. I had a low weight premie who couldn’t be kept in the NICU due to nurse shortages. I was exclusively pumping and fortifying my milk. Absolutely insane. Just give people paid fucking leave!
 
@osvaldo UK based here, there is so much wrong with how pregnancy and birth are treated in the US that I don't even know where to start.

I went back to work when my second child was 6.5 months old and that was considered early by our standards, I'm just such a godawful SAHM that it was better for all concerned if I went back to work and my kids went to nursery!

That guy who commented on your weight deserves to be kicked in the balls repeatedly.
 
@osvaldo I worked for a large non-profit when I had my son (I gave those assholes 10 years in the end and don't know why I stayed that long). I had no STD, no mat leave. I had to use sick and PTO. I got paid for 4 weeks. Out for 8. Emergency complicated C-section, almost died. I had no choice but to go back at 8 weeks. I was wrecked. I literally worked every single day of my pregnancy because I had to save my days. Barfing in the parking lot when I got to work, barfing in the one person bathroom multiple times a day. I remember screaming at HR after I had my son because it was open enrollment and they couldn't fucking figure out how to put him on my insurance. Then HR fucked up my (unpaid) FMLA. It was a nightmare. I was in the ICU and my work was calling me about stupid insurance bullshit. My boss called to tell me they took my office away and put me back in a cubicle a week after I got home from the hospital.

Don't even get me started on when I came back and how I was treated. God I hate that place, and every other employer who does treats moms this way. I'm still salty and my son is 8.
 
@osvaldo Congratulations for putting your family and well-being first! I changed jobs a couple months ago and it has been life changing. Toxic workplace culture makes a big difference. I literally felt a weight lift off of my shoulders when I started my new job at a different organization.
 
@osvaldo I’m pregnant with my second and I haven’t told work yet because I know they will adjust timelines on our new project to squeeze as much out of me as possible before I leave, and I know the stress that the job took out of me in my first pregnancy (my OB demanded that I stop working 1 month before my due date). AND I WORK IN FED GOV! Good for you OP for looking for better waters.
 
@osvaldo I am so fortunate to have very little complaints about my workplace but I do know that I'll be stressing and emailing paperwork next week after I'm induced on Monday. That they decided to drop on me yesterday... 🙃

It sucks here (the US)
 
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