@joshuasamuelquiroz Unfortunately I’m not in a field where it’s particularly easy to jump in and out. I’m a corporate lawyer. And while I don’t think it’s easy, it’s not impossible. And there are a lot of things I can do with a law degree (I just have to find those options). But I’m not passionate about my job, so I’m not sure I will be eager to jump back into my kind of work if/when I’m ready to go back.
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Considering quitting to SAH- looking for perspective on kid in full-time daycare
- Thread starter billyli
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- stay-at-home parents
joshuasamuelquiroz
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@billyli Yeah, it's tricky. It's all about priorities. I have friends who would have loved to stay home for a few years but they had jobs they loved and it would be too big of a risk to give up their spot.
Sounds like that risk isn't as strong for you which is good!
It's hard to make a decision but it sounds like which ever you choose you can make it a good thing for your family. That's a great (and complicated) place to be!
Sounds like that risk isn't as strong for you which is good!
It's hard to make a decision but it sounds like which ever you choose you can make it a good thing for your family. That's a great (and complicated) place to be!
@billyli I am so similiar to you - I’m in big law and have a child in montessori daycare. I am full time right now but we are on the horizon of making a decision about me getting out of big law or out of the workforce entirely and some days I feel crazy about it. I would also want to keep my son at his school, but would go to school day part time (ideally 3x a week 8:30-2:30ish).
Feel free to DM me if you ever want to chat bc sounds like we are going through similiar thought processes!
Feel free to DM me if you ever want to chat bc sounds like we are going through similiar thought processes!
@billyli I vote part time care. I read that your son’s school doesn’t offer it but even if you could pick up earlier. Before being a SAHP, I was a teacher/caregiver at a nursery school.
My observation is everyone in the family gets the most of what they need when kids are in part time care. The kids aren’t burnt out from coping all day, but they still have time and space to make connections and learn social skills and norms (yes, even at a young age). The SAHP has some time for hobbies and household duties without it feeling like a juggling act. And therefore has more wherewithal to deal with the big ups and downs of parenting. AND having the nighttime segment of the evening start earlier and having it be slow paced, is key for an easier bedtime for everyone.
Now as a SAHP, my daughter (3) is in school 3 days a week for 5 hours a day. We have slow lazy afternoons and early evenings. My husband is thankfully done with work by 4ish most days and life isn’t easy but it’s not as difficult as it could be with young children.
I think the biggest thing to consider for YOU personally is how your mental health will be. Granted, I haven’t worked a high stakes job before but I do know that the lack of intellectual stimulation gets to me. So, I wonder what that would mean for someone like you. The hardest part of staying home for me is the fact that my “job” doesn’t need to use my brain in a way that’s satisfying and I’m often lonely.
My observation is everyone in the family gets the most of what they need when kids are in part time care. The kids aren’t burnt out from coping all day, but they still have time and space to make connections and learn social skills and norms (yes, even at a young age). The SAHP has some time for hobbies and household duties without it feeling like a juggling act. And therefore has more wherewithal to deal with the big ups and downs of parenting. AND having the nighttime segment of the evening start earlier and having it be slow paced, is key for an easier bedtime for everyone.
Now as a SAHP, my daughter (3) is in school 3 days a week for 5 hours a day. We have slow lazy afternoons and early evenings. My husband is thankfully done with work by 4ish most days and life isn’t easy but it’s not as difficult as it could be with young children.
I think the biggest thing to consider for YOU personally is how your mental health will be. Granted, I haven’t worked a high stakes job before but I do know that the lack of intellectual stimulation gets to me. So, I wonder what that would mean for someone like you. The hardest part of staying home for me is the fact that my “job” doesn’t need to use my brain in a way that’s satisfying and I’m often lonely.
@billyli As someone who currently has one kid in daycare (started at 18 months) and one kid in a Montessori school pre-k, I love being able to have time for my kids, and to have energy to go for a lot of extra curricular and fun activities.
My youngest is going to start Montessori school in September (at 2.5 years old) my oldest is going for kindergarten.
My kids wake up early, so usually I spend 1h30 min to 2h30 min in the morning with them. I love being able not to have them rush in the morning. We have time to play, read books, snuggle, eat breakfast, take baths, all in the morning. I like to be on time for the Montessori school, but if we are late sometimes it’s not a big deal (even though it almost never occurs).
I have time to go to the gym, and relax everyday. The pick up time varies everyday according to their activities. Both kids go for swim lessons, and the oldest also goes for piano lessons, dance class and soccer. The oldest also has Spanish and Yoga included in her school, and art and tumble gym at school for an extra cost.
I try to have all the activities during the weekdays so that we can have fun as a family during the weekends. It looks like a lot of activities, but we also go to the park every day that is not pouring or too cold. My kids ask me for the activities.
My kids make friends at school. Even my 2 year old plays with friends at school and knows their names. There’s hugs and goodbyes every day.
I feel like having the ability to not rush everywhere and being able to let them choose what they want to do is great. I have the utmost respect for working parents, it’s hard to juggle everything together. I have also the utmost respect for full time SAHP that don’t rely on any type of childcare. Not all of us have the same options available. But I am happy with how I am raising my kids, how well adjusted they are, how social they are and how much fun we have together.
I feel like everyone should choose what they feel
It’s better for them, of course given their constraints (money, time and health).
Good luck to you!
My youngest is going to start Montessori school in September (at 2.5 years old) my oldest is going for kindergarten.
My kids wake up early, so usually I spend 1h30 min to 2h30 min in the morning with them. I love being able not to have them rush in the morning. We have time to play, read books, snuggle, eat breakfast, take baths, all in the morning. I like to be on time for the Montessori school, but if we are late sometimes it’s not a big deal (even though it almost never occurs).
I have time to go to the gym, and relax everyday. The pick up time varies everyday according to their activities. Both kids go for swim lessons, and the oldest also goes for piano lessons, dance class and soccer. The oldest also has Spanish and Yoga included in her school, and art and tumble gym at school for an extra cost.
I try to have all the activities during the weekdays so that we can have fun as a family during the weekends. It looks like a lot of activities, but we also go to the park every day that is not pouring or too cold. My kids ask me for the activities.
My kids make friends at school. Even my 2 year old plays with friends at school and knows their names. There’s hugs and goodbyes every day.
I feel like having the ability to not rush everywhere and being able to let them choose what they want to do is great. I have the utmost respect for working parents, it’s hard to juggle everything together. I have also the utmost respect for full time SAHP that don’t rely on any type of childcare. Not all of us have the same options available. But I am happy with how I am raising my kids, how well adjusted they are, how social they are and how much fun we have together.
I feel like everyone should choose what they feel
It’s better for them, of course given their constraints (money, time and health).
Good luck to you!
@billyli I don't plan to send my son to full time preschool until he is 4, being a sahm was financially the best for us but also because I want to be home with him and able to take him to enriching places! We have a group of 3 similar age kids we all hang with 2 mornings a week for "socializing " (he's almost 3 and had only just started interacting and playing with his friends instead of parallel play . We work on sharing and being kind but up until 2.5 he preferred to play with me ).
We go to a lot of libraries and parks during the week , and try to do one new park per week when it's summer.
I can't justify the cost of a preschool that offers as much (even though it's exhausting lol) before age 4 and I'm planning on doing this with a future 2nd kid .
I work weekends to keep myself in my career and eventually when kid is in full time school plan to go back to school for a different degree so I don't have to work weekends anymore .
We go to a lot of libraries and parks during the week , and try to do one new park per week when it's summer.
I can't justify the cost of a preschool that offers as much (even though it's exhausting lol) before age 4 and I'm planning on doing this with a future 2nd kid .
I work weekends to keep myself in my career and eventually when kid is in full time school plan to go back to school for a different degree so I don't have to work weekends anymore .
@billyli Parents always tend to love the daycare they choose, but that doesn’t equate to it being in the best interest of the child. Read the Medium article on daycare before 3. Young children are just looking to form attachment, so of course they’re going to adapt to any situation they can find and that’s what they know, but that doesn’t mean the attachment they’re forming is quality when the ratio is such a high number. They ideally want to bond with their parents above anyone else, especially mom — the one who carried them for 9.5 months! This is deeply overlooked and undervalued in our society.
I stay home for these reasons: forming healthy attachment with my children, my children are bonding and forming their own relationship through play, better daytime sleep at home, foods I choose, not learning other sometimes aggressive behaviors from toddlers looking for attention from underpaid, understaffed caregivers, and bottom line — caretakers will not love my children the same way as me. It’s a huge sacrifice, but that seems to be a bad word that no parent wants to talk about, but also a huge opportunity and rewarding results. There’s a time for school, personally I hate to rush or miss so much of their preschool ages away by not being with me. After all, I did choose to have children!
I stay home for these reasons: forming healthy attachment with my children, my children are bonding and forming their own relationship through play, better daytime sleep at home, foods I choose, not learning other sometimes aggressive behaviors from toddlers looking for attention from underpaid, understaffed caregivers, and bottom line — caretakers will not love my children the same way as me. It’s a huge sacrifice, but that seems to be a bad word that no parent wants to talk about, but also a huge opportunity and rewarding results. There’s a time for school, personally I hate to rush or miss so much of their preschool ages away by not being with me. After all, I did choose to have children!
@billyli I would keep the 2.5 yo in the school since it keeps consistency for your child. Most children are in a preschool for at least two days a week by age three anyway. I would wait until at least 18 months to put the youngest in any school or childcare, but it's great you have a place you are happy with.
If you can afford to stay home and have both kids in school, that's fantastic. However, for your own sanity, consider looking into a side hustle or volunteering because if both kids are in school all day, you may need to break up the everyday monotony with other things.
ETA someone mentioned how you'll have more patience overall, and I completely agree. It's so easy to feel burnout as a SAHP, and that would help mitigate that.
If you can afford to stay home and have both kids in school, that's fantastic. However, for your own sanity, consider looking into a side hustle or volunteering because if both kids are in school all day, you may need to break up the everyday monotony with other things.
ETA someone mentioned how you'll have more patience overall, and I completely agree. It's so easy to feel burnout as a SAHP, and that would help mitigate that.
@billyli If you’re able to then SAH. You mentioned you wanting another baby so realistically when you send your daughter to school, you could restart the clock. I think it makes sense and you seem to really want to. And later in life you could always go back to work if you wanted but you of course don’t have to (If finances allow)
@missflora I really do want to, I am just nervous that I’m idealizing what it will be like and may regret this decision, so trying to think about everything. I’ve never been someone who loves my job or working, even though I consider myself very privileged with my career. But I have always wanted to be a mom, and fully embraced that the main facet of my identity, at least right now, is being a mom.
@billyli I think some hesitation is normal! I also left my career (that I didn’t care for but worked hard to get) to SAH. It was an easy decision but it didn’t mean I wasn’t scared shitless of the possibilities. But it’s also OK to romanticize what you want. You seem logical and know that it won’t be perfect 100% of the time but it will be worth it. And what’s the worst thing that could happen, you hate it and go back to work in a year? That would be ok too.
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