What is one thing you learned/one thing nobody warned you about?
@carson It’s okay to go home and rest. You don’t have to be at the hospital 24/7. I had a 5 week stay on antepartum and then baby was in the NICU for 7 weeks. The first week in the NICU I hardly left. I was getting burnt out and depressed. The nurses told me to go home and rest and it was the best thing I did. I started just going an hour or two in the evenings during a care time and spending the rest of the day with my toddler at home who already missed me for almost 2 months and who life was shortly never going to be the same for. Of course do what makes you feel best, but don’t feel bad if you need a break from the desats and bradys and other baby’s crying and watching your LO getting bloodwork 24/7.
@juanqui66 Yeah, I am sure there are some things they will do that I don’t want or need to see. It’s already traumatic enough, I don’t need to see her poked and tested. Everyone has said it’s okay to go home, so I really appreciate you adding that too. Because we were afraid of feeling guilt for leaving, but I think it’s needed to heal better and feel better prepared for baby’s graduation day.
@carson 27+1 dad checking in. We are on day 41 of the nicu today.
Some tips.
Set a routine. Something like come in for rounds, hang out for 3 hours do her care and go home. You don’t need to stay there forever. You need to recover for your trauma also.
As fast as you can find primary nurses you like, do it. Especially on the night shift. It changes your ability to sleep when you know the nurse caring for your baby.
Don’t sleep in the NICU (unless docs are telling you your little one isn’t doing well). It’s not restful and you may see things you can’t unsee. I saw my little girl get emergency intubation and it scared me.
Give yourself grace to not always be strong. Cry. This is the hardest thing you’ll probably ever have to do. My wife and I cry often about it.
Mourn the parts of your pregnancy you are going to miss being so early. It’s ok to be sad about not having most of your last trimester.
I highly recommend a second set of pump parts for the night time pump and a larger sanitizer (dr browns is like $60 at target). Washing and pumping is a lot all the time. This helps especially the night pumping to not have to wash it immediately.
Take this one day at a time and next thing you know you’ll be heading toward graduation day
Some tips.
Set a routine. Something like come in for rounds, hang out for 3 hours do her care and go home. You don’t need to stay there forever. You need to recover for your trauma also.
As fast as you can find primary nurses you like, do it. Especially on the night shift. It changes your ability to sleep when you know the nurse caring for your baby.
Don’t sleep in the NICU (unless docs are telling you your little one isn’t doing well). It’s not restful and you may see things you can’t unsee. I saw my little girl get emergency intubation and it scared me.
Give yourself grace to not always be strong. Cry. This is the hardest thing you’ll probably ever have to do. My wife and I cry often about it.
Mourn the parts of your pregnancy you are going to miss being so early. It’s ok to be sad about not having most of your last trimester.
I highly recommend a second set of pump parts for the night time pump and a larger sanitizer (dr browns is like $60 at target). Washing and pumping is a lot all the time. This helps especially the night pumping to not have to wash it immediately.
Take this one day at a time and next thing you know you’ll be heading toward graduation day
@jsw3883 One day at a time, you’re exactly right. That’s all you can really do. I am s sorry to hear you are on day 41, I wish your family all of the best, hang in there. Your advice is wonderful, thank you so much. I’m someone who can tend to suppress emotions that would make me look weak, or like I don’t have my stuff together, so I need to tell myself that crying and feeling sad is okay. Not being strong all of the time is okay. And sleeping in my own bed is okay too. That last part worried my husband and I. We didn’t want to look like bad parents for leaving our girl, as hard as it is, but we also know that it’s important to sleep and heal.
@carson 100% please don’t worry. The nurses aren’t judging you for going home. 34 weeks means this probably won’t be a stay measured in days but weeks. So you need to take care of yourself. They are there to take care of your baby when you can’t.
Yesterday my wife was feeling sick from a migraine so I came in for rounds at 8:30, did 9 am care with them and was gone by 11:30. We still call in at the end of day shift and and after the night care to get her weight. Being available and accessible to the nurses is crucial but that doesn’t mean you always need to be in the building.
We got promoted to our transitional pod out of our highest acuity unit today so we are making progress. The NICU just takes time.
Yesterday my wife was feeling sick from a migraine so I came in for rounds at 8:30, did 9 am care with them and was gone by 11:30. We still call in at the end of day shift and and after the night care to get her weight. Being available and accessible to the nurses is crucial but that doesn’t mean you always need to be in the building.
We got promoted to our transitional pod out of our highest acuity unit today so we are making progress. The NICU just takes time.
bonngamchan
New member
@carson My advice is to not compare your journey to anyone else’s (easier said than done!). Especially at 34 weeks, you will hear about kids who only stayed for a week and immediately did well with bottles etc. While that is definitely possible, it’s also possible that your baby will take longer and that is hard but okay too. I think I wanted so badly to be positive that I focused only on best case scenarios - ie short uncomplicated stay- and was completely shocked when he required intubation, antibiotics, weeks of oxygen , and struggled for weeks with bottle feeding. All in all he still came home a little before his due date, ~7 weeks later, but I think if I had tempered my expectations I would’ve been less stressed and worried. Every baby is different. The NICU staff is amazing and know what they’re doing and won’t send you home without being ready. Try to just take each day as it comes and let your baby be the boss as impossible as it is! Good luck!!
@bonngamchan I love your username btw! I am so looking forward to enjoying legit, strong coffee again anytime I want lol. I had a little caffeine while I was here and that was not a good idea, it got my blood pressure going ugh! I appreciate your advice though, I have a tendency a lot of the time to compare myself to others, and I have read so many experiences about 34 seekers who only spent a couple days in the NICU… I can’t think like that. While it would be great to only have her here for a week or two, the staff have advised me to stay realistic and plan for her due date, just to help avoid disappointment if at all possible.
judahreese
New member
@carson As the father of a 33-week premature infant who is now thriving on the cusp of his fourth birthday, I wholeheartedly advise you to rely on the NICU nurses for invaluable knowledge and support. Like another parent mentioned here, I was unfamiliar with the NICU before our son's arrival. However, the silver lining was the exceptional guidance we received from the NICU nurses, who equipped us with the expertise to care for our precious baby. Their personalized and thorough instruction surpassed any information we could gather from blogs, books, or classes. Embrace the NICU nurses as your trusted partners, and you'll navigate this journey with newfound confidence. Best wishes to you and your family
@judahreese Thank you so much! I am so glad that your baby is doing well, and wow, almost 4! I am sure time has flown by for you. This is great advice, we just have to trust the doctors, nurses and staff that they know what they are doing. I have had a wonderful experience with the staff so far, and feel confident knowing my baby will be well cared for.
katrina2017
New member
@carson PPAnxiety and PTSD from birth and nicu. No one warned me about that, panic attack in the hospital and panic attacks every single day until I got on Zoloft. It was horrible. I couldn’t leave my bed, I was scared of everything. I was crippled. So asking my OBGYN to get put on medications for my anxiety attacks. Everyone talks about PPD but no one talks about PPA.
@katrina2017 Oh no, I’m so sorry that you have had to suffer through this. It’s so important to check on mom, I hope you are doing okay
@carson Ask for help often. Talk about your feelings early. And know that once you leave the NICU, your feelings may not just automatically disappear. Being on bed rest for 4 weeks then having a long NICU experience, i thought i would feel better after discharge so i wish i would have talked about what was going on earlier. Good luck 
@petra8586 I appreciate this, great advice. I think we might feel sometimes that we need to be strong, appearing like we have it all together, but inside are feeling 1000 different things. I think being honest with your emotions is very crucial, thank you.
@carson The biggest lesson for me was that the NICU journey is, most of the time, not a straight forward one and some of the milestones needed to be discharged can only be accomplished with time.
My baby was born at 32 weeks due to severe pre-e. She was a feeder/grower because she was born at 3lbs 6oz. Mostly she just needed time to grow and develop. There was really no way to “speed” that up and it was in her best interest to give her all the time she needed. For example, we were told babies don’t develop the ability to suck, breathe, and swallow at the same time until ~34 weeks so we had to wait until then to even start trying to latch.
It can feel like a very slow process, but you will make it home and it will be the sweetest moment!
My baby was born at 32 weeks due to severe pre-e. She was a feeder/grower because she was born at 3lbs 6oz. Mostly she just needed time to grow and develop. There was really no way to “speed” that up and it was in her best interest to give her all the time she needed. For example, we were told babies don’t develop the ability to suck, breathe, and swallow at the same time until ~34 weeks so we had to wait until then to even start trying to latch.
It can feel like a very slow process, but you will make it home and it will be the sweetest moment!
Also, I recommend getting NICU scent cloths. Baby and I would exchange them at the end of my visit.
Your baby knows your smell and is comforted by it so it’s a way of being close to baby even when you’re not. It’s was also comforting for me to be able to smell my baby when my heart was breaking due to not having her with me.
Your baby knows your smell and is comforted by it so it’s a way of being close to baby even when you’re not. It’s was also comforting for me to be able to smell my baby when my heart was breaking due to not having her with me.
stormingwithjesus
New member
@stormingwithjesus A lot of NICUs have them (they are basically just cut up receiving blankets). A piece cut from a t-shirt is what one parent preferred.
@stormingwithjesus Our NICU provided some, but I also bought reusable nursing pads from Amazon and they work just as well. I got nursing pads to use as scent cloths because that way I could have enough to exchange daily and rotate with the laundry. I just stick the scent cloth/nursing pad on my bra and sleep with it. The baby’s would go under her little pillow at NICU or next to her head.