Well, the moment I’ve been dreading happened yesterday

smash89

New member
The thing that’s been giving me nightmares, the announcement that I just KNEW was coming but couldn’t seem to emotionally prepare myself for no matter how hard I tried.
My sister in law (who is almost 7 years younger than me) and her brand new husband (who is 10 years younger) announced their pregnancy at Christmas dinner yesterday.
They’ve only been trying for two months.
They’ve now officially gotten engaged, got married, moved in together and gotten pregnant. In. One. Year.

And what do I have to show for 3+ years of praying, hoping, trying, testing, crying, mourning for a baby?
Well, besides all of the above …. a cancer scare, self-doubt, an anxiety disorder, nightmares, piles of the most negative pregnancy tests you could possibly imagine, a very strict vitamin routine, months of being in tip top health down to months of not giving a single F and pure indulgence (I.e too much drinking, and with that regret at possibly wasting opportunities to get pregnant “this time”) an unhealthy googling habit & and over awareness of symptoms and body changes. Oh, did I mention crippling anxiety?

But also… patience. More than I ever thought I possessed. Strength. Realizing the amazing support system I have in my husband. An amazing sex life (most of the time). Love, I still have so much love to give. And hope. Sometimes.

I knew this was going to be tough.
Once I let it really start to process, I told myself I need to be happy, and positive. I can’t let myself feel the way I’m feeling because that’s wrong. It makes me selfish and unkind. But I’m not. I know that.
And so I’m going to let myself feel the way I’m feeling.
Am I happy for them ? At the moment, no.
But I will be. Hell, on top of being an aunt and uncle for the first time we may even be godparents. And that would be an honour.
But right now I’m grieving and that’s okay. Grieving for the what if’s. Grieving for my husband, who cried in the car with me on the drive home last night (maybe the best thing that came out of this was that we shared that moment together. I love the shit out of him, truly).

WHY not us?
That was supposed to be our announcement.
Not that they don’t deserve it because of course they do! They’re good people.
But we have gone through SO much to get to that point. We’ve got it all together. How can I not feel like this is supposed to be our time?
A few months ago I had so much certainty that it was finally going to happen. I had such a clear picture of finding out I’m pregnant, announcing it, giving birth, naming our baby, having a family. Now I can’t even visualize those two damn lines. It seems impossible.
In the midst of my tears I actually had to ask my husband “Can you even picture me being pregnant and us having a baby?” And he reassured me, of course. And he brought a little bit of that hope back. Which I’m grateful for.

I’m just sad. I’m tired. I’m selfish. I’m lonely.

For anyone who is in the same boat and has stuck with me to the end of this post to get through the mess of my emotions. Thank you. And I see you.

Somehow we will all get through this, stronger and more resilient than ever. And hopefully with a tiny version of ourselves. Who looks up at us with wonder and amazement. Who we can share our love, kindness and knowledge with. Who will love and trust us unconditionally. Who will call us “mom and dad”.
 
@smash89 I'm fortunately the youngest in the family so being 35, I don't have to worry about pregnancy announcements in the family. But in the last week, I've seen multiple announcements on social media from friends. Hell, I was meant to be making my own announcement to family but instead I am miscarrying a blighted ovum now. It sucks.

OP, you and everyone else who are dealing with infertility/loss while seeing others get pregnant with ease...you're all rockstars. May 2024 be a better year for us all.
 
@smash89 I absolutely feel you. We’ve been trying since 2017. I’ve actually left all of the TTC subs for a few years until just recently because it’s been too hard. Each announcement is a fake smile and another heartbreak and so. much. jealousy. It’s our turn, I’m sure of it.
 
@smash89 Definitely feel this. Love my brother and my niece to death but it was a bit gut-wrenching finding out they were pregnant after only one month of trying and we are at one year :(
 
@smash89 Sending a big hug to you! 💕

My SIL announced at Thanksgiving and I wanted to run away. I’m happy but angry. I’ve also been avoiding social media because I saw one pregnancy announcement a week ago and lost it. I know there has to be many more and I don’t want the mental anguish.
 
@smash89 Girl I totally get it and every single thing you’re feeling is 100% valid. I had to deal with “the” announcement I dreaded the most too last month, they told us under the guise of a “birthday present” for me. It was awful and the emotions and feelings that went through me were insane. Just feel what you need to feel, do what you need to do to get through it, TTC is one of THE most stressful things someone can go through. Sending love ❤️
 
@salayskes 2 years ago, my 21 year old (at the time) brother in law gave us an ultrasound photo of their second as a christmas gift. He's 10 years younger than me, and I've watched him grow up since he was 7. We had just started trying at the time, and it fucking sucked. I would've much rather had nothing from them.
Much love ❤️
 
@alexjohnsonz The absolute gut punch that comes with being blindsided is a pain I can’t even put into words. I’m sorry he did that, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had ripped up the picture and walked away. Last month when these people told me, I had posted about how I’d had a great birthday and felt the love and then he (husbands bff) messaged me that him and his wife had a gift for me and to check my texts. Sure enough, their announcement, and the worst part is the wife didn’t even say happy birthday to me lol just a hijack and a blindside. People suck.
 
@salayskes That is so F:ing awful. I hope and assume they don't know you're TTC, but how is something good happening to them a gift to /you/? It just seems so self-centered and tone deaf.
 
@lule Unfortunately they did/do know we’re trying, maybe they didn’t know how long it’s been or how difficult it’s been but agreed tone deaf is the best way to describe it.
 
@lule You absolutely are reading it right, and the text went “in honor of Eva’s old ass turning 31 we got you a gift!” And it was the sonogram pic and a onesie with the estimated due date on it 🙄. I really do love this kid he’s like a brother to me but I told him in no uncertain terms to not ever do that again to me or anyone else.
 
@smash89 Giving you a big hug OP. I feel you. I wouldn't be able to deal with this without the support of my husband either. Our time will come. I really believe that. It has to. Sending you love. ✨
 
@smash89 OP, I send you both a big hug. Your post was so sincere. Glad you have your husband by your side. Broke my heart while reading your moment in the car. I just hope this 2024 those 2 bars show to you.
 
@smash89 My brother met his partner two years and a half ago, they have two children 16 months and 16 days old. She’s seven years older than me tho, obviously I am pleased for them but I don’t think they realise how lucky they are?
 
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